I’m Pretty Sure This is Good Advice

UPDATED: She said yes!

 

wedding

 

This man has no idea. Poor sap.

 

After eight years, I think I’ve managed to distill my marriage advice (ha ha ha ha ha! those three words sound funny together!) into one sentence:

 

“Be willing.”

 

Be willing to work. To make things better when they’re not so hot. To stay open. To try again.

 

I could focus on the dreamy, pie-in-the-sky relationship stuff, but I’m not going to, because I’ve found that relationships are more about how you handle the hard times, then how you ride out the good. I mean, I’ve reached low points in my marriage, where I want to throw my hands up, yell “la la la la la la,” and rent that quiet cottage at the beach. But? I keep trying. I hang in there. I stick around – both emotionally and physically.

 

And my husband does too. Because you both need to be willing. It usually doesn’t fly for long if just one of you has the desire to make it work all the time. And of course, there are very legitimate reasons to not make it work. I’m just fortunate enough to not have any of those reasons.

 

I don’t know. I understand there are many people out there for who marriage is easy. It’s just not that way for me. For many reasons. I’m fundamentally selfish, I like things my way, I don’t easily (or often) say “I’m sorry.”

 

But I’m willing to keep trying to be better. Oh how I want to be better, I want to be better. And luckily, I found someone who wants to be better too. With me. (I don’t get it either.)

 

So “be willing.”

 

That’s my advice.

 

And here’s one more tip:

 

Always keep the thermostat set at 70 degrees.”

 

Trust me on that one.

 

Have marriage or relationship advice of your own to share? Head over here and leave a link. Someone I super duper like is getting engaged and you can be a part of it! The whole thing is playing out here. But it’s still quiet-quiet…so shhhh…..

 

23 thoughts on “I’m Pretty Sure This is Good Advice”

  1. Yup. Marriages take time and hard work. If you’re not prepared to work at it, don’t get married. In fact, don’t try to be in any sort of significant relationship.

  2. How could you NOT love that photo? It’s wonderful. I hope it’s framed in a prominent place in your house (which, in our house, would be the bathroom).

    Really, really good marriage advice, Deb. You should be a marriage counselor. Or a minister.

  3. awesome advice, deb. truly!

    except for the 70 degree thermostat thing. that only works when you’re not married to someone whose last name ends in “-stein”, if you dig what i’m saying.

  4. “Be Willing”

    I like it! I think it’s the best I’ve heard so far and even advice that me and the hubby would do well to heed every once in a while.

    I don’t know about you, but I am super-excited about today and I’m not even one of the two directly involved. I became even more excited once I got my post up.

    *sigh*

    This is just so wonderful!

  5. That’s great advice for sure. Be willing. And be willing at the same time. That’s the key. Sometimes one is willing and one is not, and then next time that one is willing and the other is not.

    And I’m so glad to hear you say that you are fundamentally selfish and like things your way, and you don’t say “I’m sorry” very often. I am the same way, and thought I was the only one. Sometimes I think my friends Bud and Margaret have it right — they are together, but live in separate houses right next door to each other. That way they can have their own space, but still do everything together. I’m thinking I like that idea.

    *sigh* Right now? I’m going through a “not willing” phase. Sometimes it’s just so damn hard, and I’m so fricking tired of it being so hard.

  6. I think your advice is excellent. Spoken like someone who’s been married 50-plus years!

    I’m working on a Prompt Tuesday post… I know it’s silly, but they make me nervous!

  7. Perfect advice. It’s all so true. As Justin said on Oprah today, Instead of for better or for worse, “It should be for worse or for really bad” (not that he knows yet). People don’t realize what the for worse means until they’re in the middle of it. This is a great Prompt – my anniversary is next week so I had plans to write a little something lovey dovey soon. May not be for a couple days though.
    Great photo of you!!!

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