San Diego Momma. A San Diego Mom Blogger.

About Me

I'm a mom, wife, writer and soul searcher who colors life with words.


Learn More




Kitchen Sink

I’m Pretty Sure This is Good Advice

March 23rd, 2009

UPDATED: She said yes!




This man has no idea. Poor sap.


After eight years, I think I’ve managed to distill my marriage advice (ha ha ha ha ha! those three words sound funny together!) into one sentence:


“Be willing.”


Be willing to work. To make things better when they’re not so hot. To stay open. To try again.


I could focus on the dreamy, pie-in-the-sky relationship stuff, but I’m not going to, because I’ve found that relationships are more about how you handle the hard times, then how you ride out the good. I mean, I’ve reached low points in my marriage, where I want to throw my hands up, yell “la la la la la la,” and rent that quiet cottage at the beach. But? I keep trying. I hang in there. I stick around – both emotionally and physically.


And my husband does too. Because you both need to be willing. It usually doesn’t fly for long if just one of you has the desire to make it work all the time. And of course, there are very legitimate reasons to not make it work. I’m just fortunate enough to not have any of those reasons.


I don’t know. I understand there are many people out there for who marriage is easy. It’s just not that way for me. For many reasons. I’m fundamentally selfish, I like things my way, I don’t easily (or often) say “I’m sorry.”


But I’m willing to keep trying to be better. Oh how I want to be better, I want to be better. And luckily, I found someone who wants to be better too. With me. (I don’t get it either.)


So “be willing.”


That’s my advice.


And here’s one more tip:


Always keep the thermostat set at 70 degrees.”


Trust me on that one.


Have marriage or relationship advice of your own to share? Head over here and leave a link. Someone I super duper like is getting engaged and you can be a part of it! The whole thing is playing out here. But it’s still quiet-quiet…so shhhh…..


« « PROMPTuesday #48: L-O-V-E    |    Like The Weather » »

On March 23rd, 2009, Rob-bear said:

Yup. Marriages take time and hard work. If you’re not prepared to work at it, don’t get married. In fact, don’t try to be in any sort of significant relationship.

On March 23rd, 2009, Da Goddess said:

That’s some damn good advice, Deb!

On March 24th, 2009, stoneskin said:

Wise words, we all need to hear it. Being selfless is the real key, so hard at times.

On March 24th, 2009, Blognut said:

Words to live by, Deb! Without a doubt! You have cut right to the chase here, my dear.

On March 24th, 2009, Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

It’s excellent advice.

On March 24th, 2009, Steph said:

It’s very, very good advice, if you ask me. Also? That photo made me grin like a fool. It’s absolutely fabulous.

On March 24th, 2009, Diane said:

It’s wonderful advice. Wonderful.

The picture is wonderful, too… how happy you look!!!

On March 24th, 2009, foolery said:

How could you NOT love that photo? It’s wonderful. I hope it’s framed in a prominent place in your house (which, in our house, would be the bathroom).

Really, really good marriage advice, Deb. You should be a marriage counselor. Or a minister.

On March 24th, 2009, Green Girl said:

70 for you is stifling for me and perfect for Mr. D. We always battle over that thermostat. LOVELY photo!

On March 24th, 2009, Danielle said:

I think that’s good advice. And I’m with you on the 70 degrees. Even when it’s 110 outside.

On March 24th, 2009, matteroffactmommy said:

awesome advice, deb. truly!

except for the 70 degree thermostat thing. that only works when you’re not married to someone whose last name ends in “-stein”, if you dig what i’m saying.

On March 24th, 2009, Auds at Barking Mad said:

“Be Willing”

I like it! I think it’s the best I’ve heard so far and even advice that me and the hubby would do well to heed every once in a while.

I don’t know about you, but I am super-excited about today and I’m not even one of the two directly involved. I became even more excited once I got my post up.


This is just so wonderful!

On March 24th, 2009, ilinap said:

Dude, I am squealing all on my own here. I think “be willing” should be imprinted on wedding reception cocktail napkins. I love it.

On March 24th, 2009, Midlife Mama said:

That’s great advice for sure. Be willing. And be willing at the same time. That’s the key. Sometimes one is willing and one is not, and then next time that one is willing and the other is not.

And I’m so glad to hear you say that you are fundamentally selfish and like things your way, and you don’t say “I’m sorry” very often. I am the same way, and thought I was the only one. Sometimes I think my friends Bud and Margaret have it right — they are together, but live in separate houses right next door to each other. That way they can have their own space, but still do everything together. I’m thinking I like that idea.

*sigh* Right now? I’m going through a “not willing” phase. Sometimes it’s just so damn hard, and I’m so fricking tired of it being so hard.

On March 24th, 2009, mommypie said:

I love you Deb. I love your advice. And I love that you were such a part of today.

I’m still dumbstruck.

(I can still SQUEEEEEE though!)

On March 25th, 2009, Chris said:

I think your advice is excellent. Spoken like someone who’s been married 50-plus years!

I’m working on a Prompt Tuesday post… I know it’s silly, but they make me nervous!

On March 25th, 2009, Rob-bear said:

“Be willing” is great advice, even for us who are going on 40 years married.

Thermostat at 68 is great. We find 70 a bit much.

On March 25th, 2009, stephanie (bad mom) said:

You are genius, and so so gorgeous in that wedding photo.

P.S. You’re generous with 70 degrees; I turn ours up to 72 everyday after school.

On March 27th, 2009, kate said:

oh hi. duh. i have just realized that that is a photo of you, huh?

On March 27th, 2009, kate said:

also. you’re beautiful. then and now.

On March 27th, 2009, Barrie Summy said:

What a great photo!! I’m not sure I have any advice. That’s after 22 years. YIKES!

On March 27th, 2009, Mama Mary said:

Perfect advice. It’s all so true. As Justin said on Oprah today, Instead of for better or for worse, “It should be for worse or for really bad” (not that he knows yet). People don’t realize what the for worse means until they’re in the middle of it. This is a great Prompt – my anniversary is next week so I had plans to write a little something lovey dovey soon. May not be for a couple days though.
Great photo of you!!!

On March 29th, 2009, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Be willing.

Those two words could change the world.

Leave a Comment