San Diego Momma. A San Diego Mom Blogger.

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Kitchen Sink


March 10th, 2009

How does it feel?”


I wish he’d ask.


Because it feels like staring out a smudged window and no matter how much you lick your finger and wipe, you can’t see out.


It’s like sitting in a corner and not because you have to.


It’s the heat behind your eyes and the wanting to shut them, always.


Or sometimes.


Most of the time.


It’s the quiet, please and wishing the TV were off, or the kids, or the speeches.


It’s the stuck wasp, the silent fan you watch at night, the hair in the drain.


The room under the stairs, its white sheets, and that dream.


You know the one.


It’s the nurse with water.


Who never comes.


She never comes.


I wish he’d ask.




(I’m going on medication. I’ve fought it for a year now, maybe longer. And I’ve got to stop. I’m coming back tomorrow (the next day, maybe?) to tell you all about it.)


On March 10th, 2009, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:


On March 10th, 2009, stoneskin said:



(Hmm, that looks like a lollypop)


Hope that made you smile, hope you have a good day.

On March 11th, 2009, Blognut said:

I absolutely want to hug you right now, Deb. That, and the fact that I just really want someone to hug me, will make us a fine pair.

On March 11th, 2009, Kari C said:

I can’t express to you how much I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I also know in a room full of people, you would be hard-pressed to find a single person who wasn’t medicated at some point in their life. Does it help? Probably not, but you are not alone.

I hate it-so very much, but I have learned it is not my fault and I am not “strong and can just get past it”. Give yourself time, and don’t give up, you’ll find the relief.

On March 11th, 2009, slouching mom said:

when it’s necessary, it’s necessary.

bottom line.

hope it helps.


On March 11th, 2009, Kizz said:

Good that you’re trying it. I hope it does what you need it to do.

On March 11th, 2009, Green Girl said:

That is the most powerful description. Good luck with the meds–I hope they give you the assist you need.

On March 11th, 2009, Jenn @ Juggling LIfe said:

The meds changed my husband’s (and mine and our kids) lives. Now we’ve got most of his brothers and sisters on board too. It’s genetic and it’s chemical. My philosophy is that you wouldn’t resist treating diabetes would you?

It will take a few weeks and you might not get the right one immediately, but I bet you find it changes your life.

On March 11th, 2009, Shana said:

I am thinking good thoughts for you (I would say praying for you, but that sounds so, um, churchy).

On March 11th, 2009, we_be_toys said:

Oh honey-
You got to do what you got to do. Depression sucks. Sending you happy thoughts and warm wishes for an even keel.

On March 11th, 2009, Danielle said:

I think you’re going to be fine. And happy. And don’t dwell on how you got to that point. Revel in the happiness and joy you deserve.

On March 11th, 2009, foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) said:

I’ve had those feelings. When you know, you know, and then you do what you have to do. It can – and will – get good.

On March 11th, 2009, She said:

I’d recognize these symptoms of depression anywhere! I SO get this, Sweet Woman! And I’m lifting you up oh so very high to God right this moment!

Let me know how I can help!

Big HUG! Lots of love!

PS: I’m working on my PromptTuesday post. I’m trying to get the courage to publish it.

On March 11th, 2009, Mama Mary said:

I just cried. Because I’m PMSing; because I’m sleep deprived; because that was poignant and beautiful and raw; because I understand it all too well. I don’t know you too well, yet, but I do know that you are a beautiful soul and a talented writer. A cyber hug to you and cheers to warm sun shine on your face and wind at your back.

On March 11th, 2009, kate said:

this is my favorite. of yours.

On March 11th, 2009, Myra said:

I am so glad I checked in tonight. I have slid away from blogging a bit and have missed your writing. You are such an amazingly creative, sensitive soul. You do what’s right for you and know that I’m praying for you to feel like you soon.

On March 11th, 2009, g said:

Wow. Just trying to beam so much feeling to you. You’ve given me so much, and others too. Let them help you.

On March 12th, 2009, Da Goddess said:

Big hugs and kudos for taking a huge step!

I’m really, really proud of you for seeking help. And I’m really, really, REALLY proud of you for having the courage to write it out, to share, to reach out to others in such an enormous way.

If you need, I’m a phone call away.

On March 12th, 2009, matteroffactmommy said:

do whatever you need to do. love you lots!

On March 12th, 2009, Chris said:

Good for you, Deb. It takes courage and wisdom to take the steps to take care of yourself. I admire you so. I’m sending you my sincerest thoughts, wishes and prayers for rapid relief. It’s coming – be proud of yourself. XO, Chris

On March 12th, 2009, Jennifer said:

I’ve had the same thoughts. Somedays they fade and I don’t worry. Then they come and yes, I pout. I hope you will find the right way for your health. I haven’t pursued medicine yet, mostly because I couldn’t afford them. So all the best of luck to you. Be strong. Love your family and brighter days will shine through, even if they only last for a moment.

On March 13th, 2009, jessica said:

welcome to the club baby. Good for you. Stop fighting what is. I know you won’t regret it

On March 15th, 2009, the mama bird diaries said:

I have friends who have gone on medication and then come off it. It doesn’t have to be forever. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

On March 19th, 2009, Barrie Summy said:

Thinking of you xo

On March 19th, 2009, Me said:

I wish you lived across the street so I could be here if you wanted to sit and talk, give you a hug, and tell you I’ve been where you’re at.

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