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Kitchen Sink

Worry, Worry, Worry

August 16th, 2008

It may surprise you to know that I’m unmedicated.

 

I’ve flirted with the idea and the substances before, but it’s something I can’t embrace, for whatever reason. I even hate taking Advil or aspirin. If I have to take an antibiotic, I usually Google its side effects, freak myself out, and then either don’t take it, or bite little pieces of the pill off, wait to see if I die, then eventually pick the whole thing apart, and swallow.

 

I’m real good at freaking myself out. Most of the time, I worry excessively about sickness. Among my family and friends, my hypochondria is legend. Right now in fact, I’m positive I’m suffering from a deep vein thrombosis in my right leg. I even made a doctor’s appointment, then canceled it because I’m trying to be better. But, the numbness and soreness persists, and now I’m in the stage of, “What if THIS time, I was right?”

 

And that’s the problem. Talk to me all you want about the likelihood of any of the things I worry about actually happening, and I know the probability is low, but they still do happen to people, and why should I not be one of those people? I cannot think my way out of that one. In my mind, there is no comforting response to that. These things can and do happen to people, so I can’t discount their possibility 100%. And if there’s even the slightest chance something will happen, I will worry that it will happen to me.

 

My husband often tells me that it must be tiring to be me. I expend so much mental and emotional energy on worrying that it is indeed exhausting. I know it’s draining for him too. What to say to a person like me whose convinced she’s got every disease Web MD indexes? How do you talk your wife down from the ledge AGAIN when she’s begging you to take her to the ER for chest pains? Of course, this isn’t lost on me, but all I can think is, “Maybe THIS time, I am having a heart attack. Maybe THIS time, maybe now, maybe, maybe, maybe.”

 

This worry (do I HAVE to say anxiety?) disorder is so selfish. I don’t obsess this much over my kids’ ailments. I tell my husband that his chest pains are just a pulled muscle. I assure everyone else who is nervous to fly that they’re going to be just fine. I’m so in my head about what’s wrong with me, me, me that it’s hard to see anyone else. When my mom lay on her death bed and the family crowded around her, trying to comfort her and ease her passing, my dad said to the room about me, “She’s not as worried about her mom dying, as she is that this is going to happen to her someday.” His sucky timing aside, there was some truth in what my dad said.

 

Actually, I think my dad suffers from this excessive worrying too, and my little brother experiences panic attacks, so I’m sure this is something that’s hereditary and should be medicated, but I don’t wanna. I want to think my way out of it. I thought my way into it, so surely I can find the exit to the maze, right? This is in no way a putdown to those who choose medication (and for many, I’m sure it’s not a choice, but a necessity), but I’ve tried medications, and they haven’t worked out for me. My overthinking breaks through the blood-brain barrier and wherever I go, there I am.

 

About 12 years ago I tried Prozac. I’d just moved to Los Angeles from Chicago and I felt out of sorts. I took a sinus medication, which I’m sure affected me strangely (could be my worry talking), and after a day of moroseness, I went to see a psychiatrist. Well, after talking to me for 5 minutes, I swear, he prescribed Prozac and that was that. I took it faithfully for about 3 weeks, not really feeling any different, until one night, I woke up at 12AM in a tizzy. Completely enmeshed in the fight or flight response, my adrenalin pulsed. Hallucinations flashed through my brain, and settled on an image of me in the bathroom slitting my wrists. I’d never ever even once given thought to suicide (I’m too much of a hypochondriac), so this picture startled and confused me. For the next two hours, I battled my body and mind, struggling to keep control. Eventually, thank God, the nightmare passed. I called that crappy psychiatrist the next morning, who assured me it couldn’t be the Prozac and then said, “bye.” No follow up, no nothing. I stopped taking the medicine that day and never experienced that demon fugue state again.

 

Since then, I’ve tried other things. And each time, I stop taking them. I never notice any appreciable difference and so they seemed a waste. Also, what I put myself through each time I take the medication is sucky. The whole worrying about the side effects, the blah, the blar, the this, the that. Just not worth it.

 

Anyway, I don’t know why I’m writing this today. I worry about who will read this, and so putting it here in public is part of my self-imposed “treatment.” My husband reads this blog, as do friends who I’d really rather not know about my anxiety. On one hand, it’s embarrassing. I work to construct a happy, normal image for the people who know me, and if I lift the curtain, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll scare people off. On the other hand, there is judgment. I do receive advice from well-meaning friends, who in the end, are more irritated with my “disease,” then anything else. And that blows.

 

Also, I’m crappy at hiding how I feel. I’m quite emotional and moody. (I know some of you are planning a Rock rescue mission right now, my ever-suffering husband MUST be saved!) I can’t write happy happy lovey fakey funny, because it’s not how I feel at the moment. If I were going to post today, it had to be authentic. And there you have the naked truth.

 

I’m blogging this because in the end, I told myself when I started San Diego Momma, that I’d be me up here in this spot. The good, the bad, the majorly ugly. I’ve had a hard time posting these past few days, because this junk is on my mind, brought on by the fact that my NYC flight is fast approaching, bringing with it my carry-on baggage of fear, anxiety and doom, and I didn’t want to share that because (1) you’ve heard it before; (2) it’s not fun or funny; and (3) it’s so whiny.

 

So there you have it me.

 

Will you still be my friends? Tell me true, so I don’t worry so much about it.

 

On August 16th, 2008, Deb@BirdOnAWire said:

Well Deb, me telling you its going to be alright isn’t going to help, so I won’t. I’ll just say, I completely understand. And I’ll always be your friend. no matter what. You’re the bestest writing inspiration ever!

On August 16th, 2008, robyn said:

Of course I will still be your friend. I won’t tell you to worry less, because I know worrying all too well.

On August 16th, 2008, kate said:

i am medicated. as you probably know. panic/anxiety disorder. when i started medication, finally, i noticed absolutely no change in how i felt. i just noticed that i didn’t yell at my kids anymore. i noticed that how i behaved was different, not how i thought or felt. not sure if that makes sense. still me, just less yelling and panicking.

On August 16th, 2008, Vered said:

Of course I am still your friend.

On August 16th, 2008, Renee aka MekhisMom said:

Of course I will be your friend – we all have things we deal with. I commend you for being brave enough to reveal your “stuff” to the world.

On August 16th, 2008, Myra said:

you should know by now that you can’t shake me. i’m like a loyal – ok, i don’t like any of the similes that come to mind. but trust me, i love reading your posts, especially when you’re YOU!

On August 16th, 2008, Marketing Mama said:

I didn’t really know you before, but I wasn’t scared off reading this. You sound pretty normal to me!

On August 16th, 2008, Kristin said:

I would say that you are really normal. One thing that blogging is teaching me is that we all have issues and we all think we are the only ones who feel flawed! You are not alone my dear, and I will still be your friend for sure :)

On August 16th, 2008, Steph said:

Honey, I love you even MORE for posting this, so no way did this even come close to scaring me off.

Re: Prozac – I had psychotic breaks on that junk. Complete, total blackouts of reality. Evil, evil shit, that.

Re: meds in general – that’s a personal choice. If it ain’t right for you, it ain’t right for you.

Re: people being irritated by your anxiety (yes, let’s call it what it is, please :grin:) disorder – fook ‘em. You don’t need ‘em.

The folks who matter don’t mind; the folks who mind don’t matter. -Dr. Seuss, the original wise cat in the hat

So, there are my two cents for ya and some change from Seuss, too.

On August 16th, 2008, Tricia said:

I think the whole idea of going bare naked it to bring people closer together. You’ve gotta write what you feel, and I commend you for doing just that.

On August 16th, 2008, vodkamom said:

Okay, so you have anxieties; I drink too much, my friend is on anti-depressants; my husband is agoraphobic, I know many people on many meds, etc. We ALL are something. We are NOT perfect, nor should be. However, we are all cool, and should live here and now. I, personally, think you are great. And not JUST because you’re name is debbie.

from, debbie

On August 16th, 2008, vodkamom said:

hey deb- i see you like spooky stuff! Me, too. here’s a link to one of my spooky stories…

http://community.centredaily.com/?q=node/4980

enjoy!

On August 16th, 2008, zoe said:

What an excellent post, and I know it’s not easy to bare your soul when people you know read your blog. I just want to tell you that you are not alone. My partner suffers from what if, what if, what if anxiety. She’s been through lots of different medications and combination of medications. She hates taking them, she worries about side effects too. But after going off of them because she didn’t think she really needed them, it was more clear than ever that she does. Also, it does seem to run in families. She got a dose form each parent.

I’m new to your blog, Vered sent me a link to this post, she thought I could relate. So, since I’m new to this blog, I can’t say that I’ll stop reading because of the this post, but I can say that I’ll be back for more because of this post.

On August 16th, 2008, Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

Always.

I’m surprised anyone is left unmedicated–I always feel like the only one.

On August 16th, 2008, Shelia said:

I am MORE your friend NOW than I was before I read this. I SOOOO get it!

In fact, I think I LOVE YOU!

Hang in there, Dear One!

You are not alone!

On August 16th, 2008, Erin said:

Friends are people who love you in spite of your flaws, or even because of them. My mother-in-law sent me an email today that included this quote, which I really love: ‘Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.’ I think it works here. Count me in as one of your friends, as long as you accept my flaws as well. :)

On August 16th, 2008, JCK said:

This was a brave post. And I disagree with you. I don’t think you’re about “me, me, me.” People who really suffer from anxiety cannot help it. Some people need medication and have to find the right one that works. Some people muddle through and are able to have a shift. I am sorry you have all of this “noise” in your head. This is an authentic post. Feel proud.

On August 16th, 2008, Momma Mary said:

I still love you. I feel you. More than you know! :) I feel myself getting more anxious each year. I can’t watch scary movies anymore because they cause me problems. So, I understand. And I’m still here. I will be.

On August 16th, 2008, Ferd said:

Yes, friend, of course!
In various population studies, about 10 to 20% have an anxiety disorder. I have found that these people often have either depression or OCD components as well. Very, very common. Very, very human.
One of my daughters has a pretty bad anxiety disorder, sounding a lot like yours. She has been on medicines, too, but also likes to treat herself without drugs. And she is successful at that most of the time. She knows to keep life manageable, not overwhelming. Yet she accomplishes more than most people do. I give her a lot of credit for all she does, because I know she fights the anxiety every day. Things are much harder for people with anxiety.
I give you the same credit, Deb!

On August 16th, 2008, Kelly@SHE-POWER said:

Deb, I could just give you the biggest squeeze right now. Like you I am the world’s biggest worry wart (though I am not a hypochondriac – I worry more about illness/accidents and loved ones) and it is an exhausting way to live.

On a bad week, just being me is equal to the stress of being President of 2 or 3 countries – I can obsess over the most minor things and turn them into an international incident.

Like you, I am not medicated and I never will be. I have had it suggested a few times over the years, and really pushed when I had a nervous breakdown at 23. But you see, I think there’s no point medicating my individuality away. I don’t think it’s the answer. I’m not throwing advice out there for other people, mind you. To each their own.

But me, I am a sensitive and creative person who loves a lot, laughs a lot and cries a lot and I think my mission is this life is to work out how to balance all these sides of myself and accept every part of me just the way I am. Maybe the same applies to you.

I hope for both us that these swings lessen with the years. What do they say – acknowledging the problem takes you halfway to fixing the problem? Some bullshit like that.

Thanks for your honesty. Now go have a glass of wine – it makes everything better. or is that just me?

:) Kelly

On August 16th, 2008, Midlife Mama said:

Hi there, I just stumbled across your blog (one of those following a link, following a link things). I have a husband who is on MAOI medications (anti-depressants). I think they’re as much anti-anxiety as they are anti-depressant (he takes Wellbutrin and Effexor. Yes two of them). I didn’t know him then, but 10 years ago when he had a nervous breakdown (or whatever they call it now), he nearly had a successful suicide attempt. When he got out of the hospital (after being in a coma for 2 weeks) he went through two or three psychiatrists until he found a good one. The others? Acted like yours. Here’s a pill, go home and STFU. So, after juggling several different meds in different combos, he finally hit upon the right one. He was on a pretty heavy duty dose of Effexor by itself for most of those years. I met and married him in 2004, and last year (2007) he began to break down again and became Mr. Hyde. He went back to the dr. and the dr. put him on Wellbutrin, and reduced his Effexor. When they found the tipping point, he stablizerd at a higher dose of Welbutrin and a lower dose of Effexor. Voila! Magic potion and my husband is back to being easy to live with. Check out my blog if you want more detail.

Why do I say all this? Because anxiety will absolutely eat. you. up. And your spouse and family? Suffer. Greatly. Believe me. When my husband misses his meds (once on vacation he missed them for three days), he starts getting extremely anxious. He obsesses about everything. He freaks out about our finances, our lack of retirement, my kids and how they don’t do this or that. He becomes someone I don’t want to be around. I hope to God your anxiety isn’t that bad, or your spuose has the patience of a saint. Learning not to take these behaviors personally (while my husband is screaming in my face that the credit card debt and lack of retirement is MY FAULT) is very difficult for me.

Please, please, please consider medication. If you can find the right combo, and take it regularly and faithfully, you will be free of the anxiety, and your family will have “you” back again.

Spoken by someone with experience from the other end. Just putting my two cents worth in. Please consider it. It must be awful, having that sort of anxiety. I can’t even imagine. But seeing it from the other side? Is almost as bad.

On August 17th, 2008, Csquaredplus3 said:

I’m sorry San Diego Momma. Difficult to give any advice, but please feel supported. Whatever you choose to do to battle your situation will be the best for you. Hang in there. Feel proud for sharing something so personal and painful. It seems you’re aware of your options.

hugs…

On August 17th, 2008, Da Goddess said:

1) you’re not alone
2) you’ll never be alone cuz we all love you too much to let that happen
3) meds can be great but they take a minimum of 4 weeks of regular use for you to have adequate blood levels and for you to see any improvement
4) meds alone do not solve any problems. Regular visits with a therapist are needed.
5) that crazy feeling in the middle of the night is common unless you change the time of day you take the meds. Eventually, it abates.
6) if you only knew how close to home this hits for so many people, you’d understand that you’re actually doing more good than you’ll ever know.
7) just try and stop being my friend. I’ll hunt you down and force you to listen to really stupid stories and bad jokes if you try.

On August 17th, 2008, deborah said:

I would love to be inside your head for 5 minutes – oh, wait, I was!

All kidding aside, you are one gutsy girl and, although quite neurotic and anxiety ridden, also perfectly normal and loveable. I can assure you that this stuff does not turn off the true friends and Deb supporters – among which I am proud to count myself. Keep on keeping on with whatever you need to put out there.

Can I say this last part? Not very nice of your Dad at your Mum’s death bed. Not just bad timing, but extremely insensitive. Could he, perhaps, be some root cause to your issues? Hmmm.

On August 17th, 2008, MommyTime said:

I’m so glad that you wrote this because it seems like you really wanted to put it all down, even though it was hard to do. I’m not going anywhere, and I promise no fakey-cheery a$$vice either. Only this: just keep writing. Write. Write. Write. It’s why we love you, and it’s what also seems to make you feel more balanced.

On August 17th, 2008, bejewell said:

I’m a worrier, too. I worry more about the people around me than I do myself, though – my hubs is never allowed to leave the house or end a phone call without me saying, at least once, “Be careful.” It’s a weird superstition I have, like I just know that the one time I forget to say it is the one time something will happen.

Also, I rarely take pills for anything either – because I have a strong (or is it weak?) gag reflex and even tiny pills make me want to throw up, and I’m what my hubs calls “a loud puker,” which also applies when I gag. It is SUPER embarrassing and I’m actually more worried about other people HEARING me puke than I am about the puking itself.

See? We’ve all got issues, honey.

On August 17th, 2008, deb said:

Well I am medicated and have been for fifteen years, off and on. Mostly on. I would feel good for awhile, go off my meds and then tip over. But two years ago I got bad, so bad I wanted to die and decided I needed to do something more than take meds. I started using cognitive behavior therapy and that has helped the most. I’ve changed how I think and feel good most of the time. Except today, today I’m sad, but hey sad happens.

As for you my dear, here’s my two cents worth. I think that your anxiety is your addiction, it’s how you cope with pain in your life and yes, it causes you more pain, but it does give you short term relief.

I hope I’m not coming across as a snotty, know it all. It’s not my intention. There’s a book, if you like to read, might interest you. “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts” by Gabor Maté. Good read.

Take care.

On August 17th, 2008, slouching mom said:

how about this? i like you EVEN MORE.

On August 17th, 2008, jody said:

aghhh I dont think I can stand to read all thru the comments to see if anyone really addressed your fear lol.
Well as far as your leg goes…do you have substantial swelling below the pain? In other words, if the pains behind your knee..is it swollen from the knee down?
Is it warm to the touch? I mean really warm; not warm in your imagination.

If it is, yes go to the doctors. Don’t delay. Call in the am.

If its Not like I described, I’d prescibe some wine. Yes wine. Now!

I don’t know you in real life..but I think you’re fab. Just like you are =)

On August 17th, 2008, Lex said:

I’m the exact same way. And I know I should go back to the dr. for meds and therapy, but I don’t wanna either. I keep xanax on me but I rarely use it because I don’t want to waste them on just my regular crazy anxiety. So, of course we could be friends. :)

On August 17th, 2008, Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said:

No need to worry. We’ll still be here. Have you tried hypnosis? Or acupuncture?

On August 18th, 2008, Clink said:

We are very much alike in the worry department. I also can’t stand drugs in any form.
I was given a script for Prozac a month ago from my doctor. It is sitting on my fridge, mocking me.
I just can’t bring myself to fill it.

On August 18th, 2008, Karelle said:

DaGoddess is right – it takes 4 to 6 weeks of regular use for medication to take effect. And you usually feel worse before you feel better. I don’t really know you; I’ve only been reading your blog for a few weeks, but I’m not going to stop coming around. :) It takes a lot more than a little bit of crazy to scare me off! ;) Besides, you’re helping me in ways I didn’t even realize…

Seriously though, if it’s really impacting your day-to-day life, I’d counsel you to seek some sort of help. I hope you can find a good doctor who can help you find the right solution for your anxiety, be it meds, behavioral therapy, or a combination.

On August 18th, 2008, Eden said:

I deal with anxiety too. Used to use meds as needed, not daily, and went off when I was pregnant. I do other things to try & lessen the anxiety (a major part has been changing the way I think) but sometimes a lorazepam is the only solution to make that high-level anxiety go away. There’s no shame in using meds to help. That’s what they’re for :)

On August 18th, 2008, Angela said:

Um yes, still your friend… never took prozac but I’ve been happily medicated for 8 years because of major hormonal issues leading up to major post-partum and a partial hysterectomy. No judgment here…just happy thoughts! :)

On August 18th, 2008, Kara said:

I used to be a bit of a hypochondriac myself – in 8th grade I thought I had the black plague. Yeah, I can be kinda dramatic :) And a few years ago I was majorly depressed and my PCP wanted me to take Lexapro, an anti-depressant. I ingested that evil pill for two days and I swear I got blurred vision and an irregualr heartbeat because of it. I threw that crap down the toilet and told the PCP to screw off.

I’m fine now. At least, in my opinion.

On August 18th, 2008, workmonkey said:

it sounds to me like you have a deep vein leg thrombosis. number one symptom is revealing blogs.

you had macular degeneration at a young age, had to face your worst-ever fear of a needle in your eye, and you’ve had a mom die, so you know you can get through any single experience you face. you’ve always been stronger than your anxiety lets you think you are. i think like me, at the end of the day your anxiety is of anxiety, not of any specific thing. you don’t fear flying (which is just sitting in a seat) but the anxiety it causes. a deep vein thrombosis on its own is nothing other than a medical condition that doctors treat every day. but having one would make you feel serious anxiety. that’s because we can’t escape anxiety: it’s always there, following us, overwhelming and threatening to cause an anxiety overload. you can escape a thrombosis with treatment, but not the (can-i-even-handle-it?) anxiety it causes. so deep down you fear something too big to worry about, something that the worry would overwhelm you (which it never actually will .. you know i’ve ALWAYS feared getting stuck in an elevator .. then when it finally happened it was no big deal at all). worrying about a thrombosis the whole time is literally worse than anything. well, except for maybe getting slowly clawed and then eaten by a sphinx … but nobody really worries about that, now do they? but to some extent your anxiety is good .. it is comforting because you’ve always had it, and it is like your “bodyguard” always making sure all systems are go. I can assure you when you finally do have something, your anxiety will quickly let you know. but let it run in the background without you having to acknowledge it. you don’t need to be aware of it for it to do its job. anxiety is only bad when you think of it as an enemy, not part of you.

ok, that’s the end of my pretending to know what i’m talking about session. Now if you’ll excuse me for a moment, i have to go have a panic attack about having a panic attack.

On August 18th, 2008, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Dude~
You aren’t whiny, or ugly, or yucky. You are real. And same-same as the rest of us. You just tell it so much better.
And? I have a secret crush on you, that isn’t a secret now. ;-)
Love, Cheri

On August 18th, 2008, June said:

I am new here…

I also have a hard time with anxiety. I over worry everything, from money, sickness, and family relationships. I refuse to be medicated because i feel i can deal with it on my own. I find it work best when i am keeping up on regular exersize…just 2 to 3 times a week really helps.

On August 18th, 2008, Lori said:

Big hugs! I’m a worrier too. I worry about everything. And I always think that someone has a life threatening disease (more often than not, myself). I’m pretty good at hiding it most of the time.

On August 18th, 2008, mami Jen said:

I’ve been worring my whole life! I used to spook out my sibs and tell them to get into the house fast (because the boogy man was coming). I’d just always get this feeling and bam, react. It’s calmed down some but now as a single mom I’m sure it’ll pop out again once I’m on my own.
I still think you’re the greatest!

On August 18th, 2008, we_be_toys said:

Okay, so I was going to have to say, “Yeah, maybe a little too obsessed with the worrying,…” but then you mentioned how you think you might have a deep vein thrombosis.

It’s uncanny really, because I am also convinced I have a DVT, and often wheedle a good leg rub out of it, after thinning my blood with an adult beverage first, of course.

So far, I’m still kickin’ :)

On August 18th, 2008, And then… « So anyway… said:

[…] late night). I’m still jumpy and anxious. He tells me to take one of my expired Lorazepam (see Deb?). He read my entry & your comments and laughed quite a bit. Then he says, in his Sexy Voice, […]

On August 18th, 2008, matteroffactmommy said:

i’ve read this a couple of times now. i have been trying really REALLY hard to come up with some good words… the only thing i can say is that i love you no matter what. you have a bloggity friend for life in me. i’d love to meet you in-person to get a bit more perspective… and it just may happen some day.
we all go through rough times and moods and we get better. i’m sorry that you worry so much – it’s not only the nature of the Mom Beast, it makes it way worse when you were already a worrier before becoming a parent.

i’m shutting up now. x’s and o’s.

On August 18th, 2008, foolery said:

Well, to truly be friends one of us must either raise the other’s first born, or cook the other one pancakes.

I’ll send Smedley over with her suitcase and some syrup.

Peace to you, and trust yourself and your loved ones. :)

On August 19th, 2008, tinsenpup said:

We should start a club! Seriously, call me when you’ve been treated for imaginary butt cancer. And I’m 110% with you on the meds.

I can also assure you that an anxiety disorder (yes, I said it) can get a lot better with gradual changes in thinking. It sounds to me like you’re on it.

I love this post. You are truly the best of the best.

On August 19th, 2008, Reluctant Blogger said:

Good for you. Everyone uses their blog in a different way, but I always feel that if I am not ME (warts and all) here on blogger then I cannot be ME anywhere. I would feel my blog had failed me, or I had failed at blogging, if I were not always honest. I hide stuff in real life cos it is easier – people don’t always have the time to deal with moods or listen properly – but on blogger people choose to come, to read etc so it is a great place to be yourself.

I think that if more people were able to be honest about how they felt from the earliest stages – the ups and downs etc – fewer would be on medication.

I have never been on any medication – not because I didn’t need to be – more because I would never have had the guts to talk to anyone about what is in my head in Real Life. But I am kind of glad about that. At least without medication I may not always be happy, may sometimes seem crazy, but at least I know how I am and who I am.

Ooops I sound a bit bonkers in that don’t I?

You’ll never lose friends on Blogger by being honest, you know. People here are great!

Take care. And let your blog reflect how you are – happy, sad, whatever.

On August 19th, 2008, maggie, dammit said:

I will absolutely still be your friend.

On August 20th, 2008, The Girl Next Door said:

I only know you in the bloggy world, but Girl, I Love You. You are so real and put it out there. You have the courage to be honest in ways I only dream of. My mom reads my blog, and we don’t call her “Paranoia Peggy” for nothing, so I sometimes hide my deepest issues – and anxiety and depression are right there at the top. So thanks for being an inspiration. For letting us share the Real you. Amazing. That’s what you are.

On August 20th, 2008, foradifferentkindofgirl said:

So much has been said here. Want to add even the briefest voice to say I know from this place in which you speak. I know the anxiety. I know the efforts. You wrote of it with beauty and honesty.

On October 28th, 2008, sandiegomomma.com » Blog Archive » Loose Ends said:

[…] cheek, chin) and it does hurt like a motherfucker for about two minutes. But you can handle it. I’m a hypochondriac, remember? And if I can withstand burny pain for two minutes, I guarantee you can […]

On October 28th, 2008, Me said:

Reading your blog tonight I stumbled across this post and laughed all the way through it. Umm…Deb…deep vein thrombosis? July 22, 2008, I actually took myself to the ER because I was convinced I had it. This month is throat cancer. Feel better? I do, because reading this makes me want to share my Nervous Nelly Syndrome on my blog. I was always too nervous to actually write it because “the superstitious in me” thought I would make it come true. Sound familiar? Here’s an idea for a PROMPT Tuesday – Anxiety. That ought to be interesting, huh? Okay, I’m off to post this weeks PROMPT Tuesday – I am from…

On November 25th, 2008, Susan said:

I’m with you on excessive worrying…I’ve always been called a “worrier”.

On March 10th, 2009, San Diego Momma » Blog Archive » Circles said:

[…] going on medication. I’ve fought it for a year now, maybe longer. And I’ve got to stop. I’m coming […]

On May 27th, 2009, Lucy said:

Wow you are me to a T. I love the pill thing because I do the same thing. After some bad bouts with pills I am very afraid of all pills. I now get prescribed, buy them, Google them, freak out and don’t take it. I have a medicine cabinet loaded with sealed medications. I probably have created most of my suffering. My husband has always said that I worry enough for the world. Its nice to see someone out there with the same thoughts that I have.

If you ever get a chance read my Paranoid post. You can do a search for it. My husband’s family officially called me crazy after my episodes at our house in NY.

Lucy
postpartumillness.com

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