Monday
I woke up early and took a shower, then dried off, very happy with myself that I was not going to be late for anything this fine morning. Why, I was probably going to be early for stuff! No rushing! No eating half-and-half for breakfast! No washing my face with shaving cream, using a Barbie necklace as a scrunchie, passing off pajama bottoms as harem pants! This was going to be a great day!
Now…where was that mousse I bought yesterday? I just need to style and dry my hair and I am out of here to start my morning NOT LATE! The mousse was right here, wasn’t it? I mean, I just purchased it from the store. The bottle was silver and red and said “Mousse” on it. Also, the mousse was glittery. Lots of rainbow sparkles in every pump. I know it was right…
Wait. Glitter? Red, silver, rainbow sparkles?
Right. That mousse I bought yesterday and just spent 15 minutes looking for on my one early morning?
Was in my dream.
It was dream mousse.
Hanging out with naked in my high school math class and running from knife-wielding demon hamsters.
Non-existent.
Pass the half-and-half and pajama bottoms.
Tuesday
I had a doctor’s appointment and needed to be there on time to fill out 80 pages of paperwork that basically says “Your insurance pays for nothing, nothing, NOTHING, do you hear us? But here is a pretty flower pen.” I was making pretty good time, having dropped my oldest off at elementary school and was now heading back to the car after taking my youngest to preschool. I walked fast, with purpose, verve, and confidence. I would be there on time. Ah, there was my car! I threw the door open, ready to plop onto the driver’s seat with robustness, when…
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
There was a person in my seat. A person who looked just like me, but was screaming.
I looked down at my hands, my legs, my feet. Am I here? Or am I in the car? Do I have a doppelganger? Have I been a figment of my imagination all these years? Do I even exist?
But no. The screaming person was Sharon. She was in her car wondering who the hell just violently opened her door.
To my credit, Sharon looks a lot like me.
Wednesday
Give me a little time. It’s only 10:02AM. I’m sure something sloppy and idiotic will happen by noon.
No way! I’m sorry I giggled. I’m sorry. I really am. I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry. ILY. AAL.
Coulda been worse. Coulda been a dude screaming at you. A big, ugly, bearded, hairy dude. I’d say you need a reward. Good job, Not Sharon.
It its as good as Monday and Tuesday – I can’t wait to read about it.
Oh, I’m laughing out loud — DREAM MOUSSE! Glitter! That rocks.
And at least you knew the person whose lap you dropped into – that’s progress. I did that last year in a car that looked just like mine, and was sticking my key in the ignition when a crazed woman ran from the store screaming that I was stealing her car. That was fun.
-Ellie
That was hilarious to read. :)
Have you not been getting enough sleep or has it just been one of those weeks?
I love you, San Diego Momma!
Harem pants rock my world, babe. And so do you. Feel better soon!
xoxoxo
Your dream mousse sounds awfully familiar. Did you happen to read Fancy Nancy before you went to bed?
Take a nap.
yep, sounds like a typical morning for me as well except I would never use Mousse, not even in my dreams.
I love those flower pens. They are so cheery as you’re signing your credit card bill for a number with more zeros than you can count.
Oh dear! A doppelganger? That just takes the cake!
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I bet you could patent glitter mousse and make a killing.
You made my day, no, you made my week with this post.