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Kitchen Sink

The Cough of a Thousand Nights

March 10th, 2010

Oh the things we do.


Last night, Booger coughed constantly and continuously and for the frack ever. Like as in and for example, ALL NIGHT LONG. She obviously had a tickle in her throat that wouldn’t quit and it plagued her throughout the ENTIRE EVENING AND INTO THE DAY.


As a concerned mother and sleep addict, I cared deeply about this cough tickle and hoped it would magically disappear if I ignored it.
As it turned out, the tickle would not go quietly into the night, so I eventually hopped was pushed out of bed and made my way to Booger’s room to perform a de-cough-tickle voodoo ritual.


Because I’d already given Booger some stuff for her throat and made her drink enough water so she’ll pee into summer vacation, I was left to my own devices and imagination. As a mother, I’ve often found that for kids, just the suggestion of magical healing is enough, and so I searched my sleep-addled mind for something that would make Booger think she didn’t have the cough tickle anymore.


I got real creative. First, I started with “let me tickle that tickle away,” a fun game comprised of stroking Booger’s back until she relaxed enough to fall asleep. When that didn’t work I tried, “let’s blow that tickle out!” a hilarious time of making Booger exhale loudly into a napkin until the tickle popped out. Since that wasn’t effective either, it was time to pull out the big guns. This is where the voodoo comes in.


First, I folded the bed covers just so under Booger’s chin. Then I massaged her cheeks to disperse the tickle energy and draw it into my cupped hand. Once the tickle was procured, I shook it real hard (just because) and brought the curled fist to my ear. I gave that tickle a chance to explain itself, but after hearing what it had to say, told it loudly, I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY! YOU ARE IN TIME OUT!, and opened a dresser drawer to shove that damn tickle inside.


During this important medical procedure, Booger watched attentively. When she was sure the bothersome tickle was in a place where it could not get out for the rest of the night, she settled in for some much-needed sleep.


And so things went along nicely and silently until the tickle managed to escape three minutes later with the help of its unseemly friends, Bigger Tickle, Enormous Tickle, and Screw-You Tickle.


Ain’t enough voodoo in the world gonna take care of those three.


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On March 10th, 2010, Kizz said:

I have never used this method on a tickle so I’m asking to find out if it works rather than as assvice to you but I was told that a spoonful of honey coats the throat thus essentially smothering the screw-you tickle. Have you ever tried it? Is it more effective than the other magic?

On March 10th, 2010, Gigi said:

I have been told, by people who have actually done it, put vicks on her feet and then put on socks. Supposed to work miracles on a cough. Not sure how it works on a tickle.

On March 10th, 2010, Danielle said:

We had this same issue with my Sweet Girl over Christmas. The ONLY thing that actually worked for us was the Mucinex Cough – orange cremcicle dissolve stuff. Miracle stuff. And a much needed nights sleep for all of us.

On March 10th, 2010, JenniferfromLaJolla said:

Wow, I am really impressed by your middle of the night creativity! Big mommy points for that alone! Bigger mommy points for not bringing out the Benadryl! According to my friends at San Diego is experiencing high pollen levels right now, which means the tickle from hell probably will return tonight.

On March 10th, 2010, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

I’m told that two Tylenol PM ingested orally by the Tickle Dominatrix will quell tickle annoyance for eight hours. I’m told. Not that I would know.

On March 10th, 2010, green girl in Wisconsin said:

Can you do that to ear infections? Lecture them away?

On March 10th, 2010, Mama Mary said:

Those middle of the night throat tickles are worse than tabasco in hang nails and unicorn sticker books! I love the voodoo that you do. Scooby doo doo. Oh and poo to you too.
Can you come be my mommy for a night? Even though the cough didn’t go away, it sure sounds like you made it fun in the process. xo

On March 10th, 2010, 3kidsandabreakdown said:

Delsym for nighttime coughs.

On March 10th, 2010, Starr said:

That was Fucking Funny Debster…..
You Rock…..!!!!!!!
Not really off subject but I recommend the Homeopathic Cough Syrup from Peoples….
Wonder Drug/Herb/Medicine/Sleeping Pill for Mom…..
Funny how it was YOU that got kicked out of bed….hmmmmm…..

On March 12th, 2010, Laura Lee said:

You are a good mommy and one helluvacough-tickle-voodoo-priestess.

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