As school gears up, I find myself scheduling more and more playdates (a word I’ve only just come to terms with…it sounds so Real Housewives) and I’ve discovered that for a successful playdate (one in which you do not stick your face in a case of Grey Goose afterwards), one’s home must be prepared.
I’m not sure what this means exactly, I just know that my house is not playdate-ready yet, as evidenced by the blobby blobs of things I found adhered to my light carpet and the sticky stick things I found gobbed in my toilet. I think maybe that having one’s home playdate-ready means locking yourself in the bathroom and pouring bleach into your eyes.
I used to be a slob, I swear I did, so I don’t know why now I can’t abide errant poo smears and Oreo crumbs. A little part of me dies inside every time an Otter Pop explodes on the floor or dirty feet track snail on the tile. For me, having a playdate means giving yourself completely over to the fact that your home will never ever, no not ever, be the same. And that’s OK. See, I’m just learning this stuff and soon it will be old hat. I’ve already surrendered myself to clutter, glitter, and peanut butter, so it’s just a matter of time before I succumb to “playdate house,” but I thought maybe I could do a couple of things to better prepare my home for having kids and moms over 3-4 times a week.
Some of those things might include:
- More plastic furniture.
- Stainless steel floors with a non-stick surface.
- A wine closet.
- A hyperbaric snack chamber.
- New ears.
- A blood transfusion.
- A panic room.
I’m completely serious about 4 out of those 7 things.
But in all seriousity, I think what I really need is a comfortable place for us moms to sit and talk about husbands, food, teachers, Botox, sex, ADD, Costco scores, neighbors, middle age, doctors, Obama, cruises, sushi, and House, while the children cyclone around us.
Cuz what I’m learning most of all? The kids are happiest when mom is relaxed. And THAT is the ultimate getting-your-house-playdate-ready tip.
Nothing wrong with bleach and wine though.