Tips for Restaurant Seating Planners

My suggestion is that tables and chairs not be positioned close to the bathroom. Like not right on top of the bathroom practically, where diners can see people go in and out and sometimes if the door swings just right, see them on the pot (or the floor as the case came to be). And also not superduperthisclose to the bathroom, where odors circulate over cheese plates and bruschetta. The odiferous kind of odors. Also, it’s preferred if there were a maître d’ of people about to throw up. You know, someone official to escort googly-legged young women outside into the dumpster and out of ear and nose shot.


Especially recommended is if restaurant seating planners spent a few moments in the diners’ seats and eyes and ears and noses and sense of all that is right and pure in the world and realized just what a bummer it is to see someone rush into the bathroom with a mop and a plunger. You know, while eating stuff.


Now as for ordering a “Mule” while all this was going on. That part? Is all on me.


5 thoughts on “Tips for Restaurant Seating Planners

  1. Brilliant. They may as well just have a glass door…

    The trains over here these days have slow-moving toilet doors that inexplicably face into the carriage. They move slow to (I presume) support disabled access. The result is that you stand there waiting while the door slowly opens, watched by the entire carriage. Then you step inside and wait while it slowly shuts, watched by the entire carriage. I know of friends who have been taking a dump when the door mechanism has failed to lock and the door slowly swings open – watched by the entire carriage.

  2. All I can say is I know it wasn’t me in the bathroom ruining your dinner. This time.

    P.S. Isn’t it amazing that people who design restaurants haven’t figured this out? Especially when you know some of these places have spent MILLIONS in their creation.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.