Does anyone know what Elijah did when he left Babylon? Because again I randomly smiled at some moonbar in Starbucks this morning, and got an Elijah reference in return.


What happened was I’m just sitting there, being my friendly and tolerant self, which I must stop immediately, and after spotting a wild Buffalo Bill lookalike lugging in strangely angular, misshapen suitcase after suitcase, I of course smiled at him like, “Don’t worry, crazy little underdog man. You have a place in this world. And I, too, know what it’s like to feel out of my element and struggling with too much baggage. You are welcome here.”


And THEN what happened was he thundered, “I am Elijah after he left Babylon! Oh lo! And woe! All upon the land! Just as Elijah foretold!”


So then what I did was continue to smile, although I will admit that the left corner of my mouth did begin to quiver just a bit as I decided that this crazy Buffalo Bill most surely carried firearms in that misshapen luggage, or a lance and a dagger, because I just googled what happened when Elijah was in Babylon, and it was not good, not good at all, and basically involved the fire of the Lord reigning down and consuming meaty sacrifices.


Of course, at that point, I begin to pack up even though I just got there, because I follow my own rules, but only if they prevent my untimely death, and Elijah then pointed at me and shouted, “Oh Sleepless San Diego!”


So now, I’m thinking, Sleepless? Wouldn’t that mean awake? I’m quite sure he meant ‘sleeping,’ as in we are deaf to his Elijah-Babylon-Dagger-MeatSacrifice message, not ‘sleepless,’ as in we are alert and eager to hear his enigmatic Biblical references. So can he really be that dangerous? If he doesn’t employ proper adjectival usage?


But then: Of course he can be that dangerous! People who don’t use adjectives correctly are dirty skanks! And one of Balthazar’s minions! Or worse, practiced in the knifey arts! Get out of here San Diego Momma!


And that’s exactly what I did. I left Elijah to his teetering stacks of freaky luggage and windblown tendrils and deep shouty voice of God and took off.


Truth be known, I almost took the whole Starbucks with me, because I would feel horrible if this man went lance-and-dagger on everyone, but a teeny little part of me always thinks that maybe I’m the one whose crazy, and what do I know? Maybe Elijah really does use this man as a prophetic vessel.


Or uses his luggage to store the body parts of non-believers?


Either way, I’m just going to work at home from now on.


And stop smiling at people so damn much.


14 thoughts on “Harbinger

  1. The last time I made eye contact with a prophet of God in a public place (the Richmond VA Greyhound station, if you’re wondering) the guy told me that he would normally have robbed me but since I smiled, he no longer could do it. So keep it up, San Diego Momma!

  2. I’m a smiler, too. Even in places like DC, where the homeless (and sometimes very unbalanced) sit on street corners, begging for change. Have you ever tried to NOT give change to someone with whom you just made eye contact and smiled? It can’t be done. So, when I get off the train, I make sure I have at least $5 in quarters in my pocket, for easy, quick access. ‘Cause the smiling thing? I can’t stop it.

  3. Hmm, after he left Babylon? My OT knowledge is not what he should be. I don’t remember him in Babylon though – was he?

    I once met a chap named Joel. “Joel,” he said, grabbing my hand, “Joel the Prophet” he added.

    “John,” I said [don’t let on you know my real name ;)].

    “Ah,” he replied, “John the Baptist” (note, he wasn’t asking a question, he was stating fact).

    “Nope”, I said, “just John”.

  4. I’m a smiler, and it often costs me. Last time I was downtown (Chicago), I made eye contact and smiled at someone whom I immediately recognized as completely batshit crazy. (Because it takes one to know one, right?) She proceeded to join me and walk the next 8 blocks with me while telling me all about her life and it included murder, post-partum depression, addiction, and all manner of hardship (in 8 blocks). I gave her money and ran like hell!

  5. And now I’ve gone and sworn (twice) on your blog.

    And I’ve over-used parentheses.

    And I may not have even needed that hyphen right there.

    I’ll just go now, Deb. I’m not having a good day!

  6. I think there’s something about San Diego that causes this to happen, not you, though when you tell about it happening to you, I laugh and laugh, and if you were sitting nearby, you would see me smiling at you, and then it would probably come off as creepy, so just let me make my apologies for that now.

    Anyway, when I was in San Diego years ago, my husband and I were walking on a beach, admiring the view, amazed at the reality that, because we were expecting a baby, this was likely our last vacation, and then I did it. I smiled at a passing man. Two seconds later, that man had us in a prayer circle and going on and on and on, lifting us up to Jesus (and maybe, because seriously, he was going on and on and I was grasping for ideas to break away, suggesting seagull sacrifices).

    Just don’t let this one ask you out! Ha!

  7. This is the kind of thing that happens to me. I attract weirdos. Not that Babalyon Guy is a weirdo or anything but this kind of shit happens to me all the time.

  8. You are a little (LITTLE) crazy, but so are the rest of us. Still, listen to that voice. It’s there for a reason.

    Also, your “recent visitor” box on the left? It’s not justifying with your sidebar. It’s way overlapping into your center column. I’ve checked with different browsers and computers, too. Just sayin’.

  9. How did you not learn those things women do to discourage guys?
    And how do you always attract these interesting characters?
    You are just too friendly sometimes. I think you should save your smiles for the good prophets.

  10. Oh my, I am laughing. In my town he’d have been carted away. Seems the midwesterners have no tolerance for loud behavior since I’ve only seen guys like that in movies.

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