PROMPTuesday #34: Bawdy Prose. Why? Because it’s the Holidays.

Look, I’m sorry to do this to you, but it has to be done.

Why, I can’t say. I don’t tend to examine my inspiration. It’s so often demented and idiotic.

 

What I regret perpetuating upon your writerly person is this:

For today’s PROMPTuesday, please compose a holiday limerick.

 

As you may or may not know, and probably could care less to have knowledge of, is that a limerick is a five-line poem, often obscene in nature (although Hickory Dickory Dock is considered limerick-esque. Unless like so many nursery rhymes, that one too has its roots in blood and sex). In a recent Wikipedia search, I turned up this example:

 

The limerick packs laughs anatomical

In space that is quite economical,

But the good ones I’ve seen

So seldom are clean,

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

 

Now I don’t care if your limerick is obscene, because mine probably won’t be; after all I was a virgin until the age of 22, and probably wouldn’t know obscene if it bit me in the ass, which it did.

 

So, please imaginate your limerick and either post it in the comments or write it on your blog and leave your URL in the comments.

 

And in case any new readers (Oh, how I make myself laugh with my sweet virginal naiveté) would like to know what PROMPTuesday is all about, more information is here.

 

For an archive of past PROMPTs, go here.

 

p.s. I’m a little cranky today and apologize in advance to people who are nice.

 

33 Responses to “PROMPTuesday #34: Bawdy Prose. Why? Because it’s the Holidays.”

  1. vodkamom says:

    When santa went out to his sleigh,
    the reindeer all wanted to play
    but donder was gone
    and we saw him upon
    a doe from California way…..

    Couldn’t resist.

  2. tinsenpup says:

    Happy International Horny Guinea Pig Day. I hope that you and your families enjoy this very special time of quiet contemplation.

  3. "THE ROCK" says:

    Twas biterly cold that xmas eve night
    Rudolphs red nose was particularly bright
    Santa thought “I’ll bet that nose gets hot”
    Maybe I’ll use it to warm up-this spot
    Down came his pants and out went the light

  4. stoneskin says:

    There was a little duck called Marvin,
    On Christmas day he did all the carvin’
    But with a little slip
    He fell into the turkey (sorry)
    One of the guests complained it was movin’

  5. […] Little Miss Holidays wants us to write a holiday limerick. That meanie! […]

  6. Debrah says:

    Holiday sounds are calling from the stores
    Buy me, buy me, Jingles Bells and more
    Not out of sight, I see an Elf run by
    As he throws a wink from his eye
    Merry Christmas to all, now buy, buy, buy…

  7. Debrah says:

    Santa asks with a wink in his eye, what I am wanting for him to fly by
    I ask for a good listener who takes interest and desire
    Considerate, and can set me on fire
    The present of touch, harmony and acceptance
    Then Santa fell off, saying I can never get any presents.

  8. Midlife Mama says:

    THere once was a gal in Nantucket…

    Oh wait. That’s the obscene one.

    Okay I’ll be back if I come up with a clean one. LOL

  9. g says:

    Now, I’m a lousy poet, but I’ve been thinking with some trepidation about a holiday Open House we’re planning to throw here at Chez Doves. I’m not entirely sure my hostessing skills are going to be up to it. So here’s my limerick:

    “I’ll give it a try this December day
    And throw them a feast they’ll remember, hey –
    With holiday cheer.
    Someone’s bringing the beer!
    And I hope you will share in the memory.”

    http://www.doves2day.blogspot.com

  10. Me says:

    An obscene holiday limerick as ordered. Just so you know I love the tidbits of knowledge. Now I will always remember the true meaning of a limerick.

  11. Wade Nash says:

    A black-habited Catholic sister
    met a strapping young Father who kissed her
    He said “do not mourn He,
    cause you’ve never had me!”
    So she said “Then de-veil me, Mister!”

    (P.S. I wrote this before I realized that I had mis-read the instructions and didn’t write a Bawdy _Holiday_ limerick. So just insert Father Christmas into the role as the Father — and it should suffice.)

  12. Wade Nash says:

    Ouch! The Rock’s lymerick is cracking me up! Good work!

  13. ‘Twas a lassie who lived in the city,
    That Santa had heard was quite pretty.
    As he stared at her bottom,
    She woke up and caught him,
    And offered to show him a . . .

  14. Sorry, mistype. Should be:

    ‘Twas a lassie who lived in the city,
    That Santa had heard was quite pretty.
    As he stared at her bottom,
    She woke up and caught him,
    And offered to show him HER kitty.

  15. San Diego Momma says:

    I’ll come up with something better as soon as this cloud of crank lifts, but for now:

    There once was an elf from Hoboken
    Who only made toys that were broken
    He made the kids cry
    With planes that din’t fly
    and bikes with tires de-spokin’

  16. g says:

    Oh, SDM, that last one was a groaner!!!

  17. Da Goddess says:

    Wow, these were all so much fun this week! And here I was calling you names behind your back when I first saw the prompt. I should have never doubted the merriment this would bring.

  18. Oh Frick.

    Better late then never.

    A Limerick for a Lady is up at Blog This Mom!

  19. Better late than never? Perhaps never is better:

    In this season of tinsel and holly,
    Santa brings cheer with his follies,
    For on cold winter nights,
    He sneaks out to get tight,
    And gets mommies to give him his jollies!

  20. San Diego Momma says:

    Oh, you guys are good. You guys (I use the term loosely since most of you are girls) are reeeeaaalllll good. Is there not a PROMPT curveball I can throw?

    And G? Go ahead and groan. It’ll add to the collectivity of the groanness. Whatever that means.

  21. There was a young elf from Nantucket?

  22. Ok, this is troublesome. I was driving to work and couldn’t get this out of my head.

    How about:

    The was a young elf named Rawls,
    A favorite of old Mrs. Claus,
    For when Santa leaves home,
    She gets Rawls all alone,
    And she plays with his big hairy b….

    I’m beginning to worry about myself:

    As I’m sipping my brandy and eggnog,
    I post dirty rhymes on my friend’s blog,
    Is she self-satiating
    To the rhymes I’m creating
    Or is it me who’s unclogging his backlog?

    I gotta stop. I need help.

  23. PLEASE! Cut me off!!!

    While I hope to write rhymes that are lyrical,
    I’m afraid they’re more crude than satirical,
    For when I get that itch,
    I write like a bitch,
    And showing restraint is a miracle.

  24. Do you all see why Last Place Finisher is da man? Yeah baby!

  25. I will not even attempt this. LPF has it all sewed up!

  26. Carrie says:

    I can’t even think right now, but that first one was hilarious!

    Okay, they are ALL hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

  27. i suck at limericks. also? i already divulged enough last tuesday. cough.

  28. There is no way I can come up with a limerick. No way. Brain just won’t do it.

    But it sure has been a riot reading these!

  29. San Diego Momma says:

    I had to have Last Place Finisher bound and gagged. He left me no choice.

    p.s. I think he deserves an Oscar (or an Oscar Wilde?) for outstanding limerickism, don’t you all think?

    p.p.s. But everybody’s limericks shined (shone?) in this PROMPT.

    Thanks for playing, you writers, you.

  30. […] Book I Ever Read Was…” jumped out at me. Now I know it’s not a fresh topic, nor bawdy nor random, but I love this subject and I could really stand to add another domino to my teetering […]

  31. […] is a companion piece to last year’s PROMPTuesday. Read the link first, then come back and give me what you […]

  32. […] As I wrote back in December 2008: For today’s PROMPTuesday, please compose a holiday limerick […]

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