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PROMPTuesday #34: Bawdy Prose. Why? Because it’s the Holidays.

December 8th, 2008

Look, I’m sorry to do this to you, but it has to be done.

Why, I can’t say. I don’t tend to examine my inspiration. It’s so often demented and idiotic.

 

What I regret perpetuating upon your writerly person is this:

For today’s PROMPTuesday, please compose a holiday limerick.

 

As you may or may not know, and probably could care less to have knowledge of, is that a limerick is a five-line poem, often obscene in nature (although Hickory Dickory Dock is considered limerick-esque. Unless like so many nursery rhymes, that one too has its roots in blood and sex). In a recent Wikipedia search, I turned up this example:

 

The limerick packs laughs anatomical

In space that is quite economical,

But the good ones I’ve seen

So seldom are clean,

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

 

Now I don’t care if your limerick is obscene, because mine probably won’t be; after all I was a virgin until the age of 22, and probably wouldn’t know obscene if it bit me in the ass, which it did.

 

So, please imaginate your limerick and either post it in the comments or write it on your blog and leave your URL in the comments.

 

And in case any new readers (Oh, how I make myself laugh with my sweet virginal naiveté) would like to know what PROMPTuesday is all about, more information is here.

 

For an archive of past PROMPTs, go here.

 

p.s. I’m a little cranky today and apologize in advance to people who are nice.

 

On December 8th, 2008, vodkamom said:

When santa went out to his sleigh,
the reindeer all wanted to play
but donder was gone
and we saw him upon
a doe from California way…..

Couldn’t resist.

On December 8th, 2008, tinsenpup said:

Happy International Horny Guinea Pig Day. I hope that you and your families enjoy this very special time of quiet contemplation.

On December 8th, 2008, "THE ROCK" said:

Twas biterly cold that xmas eve night
Rudolphs red nose was particularly bright
Santa thought “I’ll bet that nose gets hot”
Maybe I’ll use it to warm up-this spot
Down came his pants and out went the light

On December 8th, 2008, stoneskin said:

There was a little duck called Marvin,
On Christmas day he did all the carvin’
But with a little slip
He fell into the turkey (sorry)
One of the guests complained it was movin’

On December 8th, 2008, DaGoddess.com » PROMPTuesday #34 - Deck the Halls with Words of Folly said:

[…] Little Miss Holidays wants us to write a holiday limerick. That meanie! […]

On December 9th, 2008, Debrah said:

Holiday sounds are calling from the stores
Buy me, buy me, Jingles Bells and more
Not out of sight, I see an Elf run by
As he throws a wink from his eye
Merry Christmas to all, now buy, buy, buy…

On December 9th, 2008, Debrah said:

Santa asks with a wink in his eye, what I am wanting for him to fly by
I ask for a good listener who takes interest and desire
Considerate, and can set me on fire
The present of touch, harmony and acceptance
Then Santa fell off, saying I can never get any presents.

On December 9th, 2008, Midlife Mama said:

THere once was a gal in Nantucket…

Oh wait. That’s the obscene one.

Okay I’ll be back if I come up with a clean one. LOL

On December 9th, 2008, g said:

Now, I’m a lousy poet, but I’ve been thinking with some trepidation about a holiday Open House we’re planning to throw here at Chez Doves. I’m not entirely sure my hostessing skills are going to be up to it. So here’s my limerick:

“I’ll give it a try this December day
And throw them a feast they’ll remember, hey –
With holiday cheer.
Someone’s bringing the beer!
And I hope you will share in the memory.”

http://www.doves2day.blogspot.com

On December 9th, 2008, Me said:

An obscene holiday limerick as ordered. Just so you know I love the tidbits of knowledge. Now I will always remember the true meaning of a limerick.

On December 9th, 2008, Wade Nash said:

A black-habited Catholic sister
met a strapping young Father who kissed her
He said “do not mourn He,
cause you’ve never had me!”
So she said “Then de-veil me, Mister!”

(P.S. I wrote this before I realized that I had mis-read the instructions and didn’t write a Bawdy _Holiday_ limerick. So just insert Father Christmas into the role as the Father — and it should suffice.)

On December 9th, 2008, Wade Nash said:

Ouch! The Rock’s lymerick is cracking me up! Good work!

On December 9th, 2008, Cocktail Maven said:

‘Twas a lassie who lived in the city,
That Santa had heard was quite pretty.
As he stared at her bottom,
She woke up and caught him,
And offered to show him a . . .

On December 9th, 2008, Cocktail Maven said:

Sorry, mistype. Should be:

‘Twas a lassie who lived in the city,
That Santa had heard was quite pretty.
As he stared at her bottom,
She woke up and caught him,
And offered to show him HER kitty.

On December 9th, 2008, San Diego Momma said:

I’ll come up with something better as soon as this cloud of crank lifts, but for now:

There once was an elf from Hoboken
Who only made toys that were broken
He made the kids cry
With planes that din’t fly
and bikes with tires de-spokin’

On December 9th, 2008, g said:

Oh, SDM, that last one was a groaner!!!

On December 9th, 2008, Da Goddess said:

Wow, these were all so much fun this week! And here I was calling you names behind your back when I first saw the prompt. I should have never doubted the merriment this would bring.

On December 9th, 2008, Cactus Petunia said:

As usual, I’m late to the party!
Here’s mine:
http://buenosburritos.blogspot.com/2008/12/prompt-tuesday-34.html

On December 10th, 2008, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Oh Frick.

Better late then never.

A Limerick for a Lady is up at Blog This Mom!

On December 10th, 2008, Last Place Finisher said:

Better late than never? Perhaps never is better:

In this season of tinsel and holly,
Santa brings cheer with his follies,
For on cold winter nights,
He sneaks out to get tight,
And gets mommies to give him his jollies!

On December 10th, 2008, San Diego Momma said:

Oh, you guys are good. You guys (I use the term loosely since most of you are girls) are reeeeaaalllll good. Is there not a PROMPT curveball I can throw?

And G? Go ahead and groan. It’ll add to the collectivity of the groanness. Whatever that means.

On December 10th, 2008, Last Place Finisher said:

There was a young elf from Nantucket?

On December 10th, 2008, Last Place Finisher said:

Ok, this is troublesome. I was driving to work and couldn’t get this out of my head.

How about:

The was a young elf named Rawls,
A favorite of old Mrs. Claus,
For when Santa leaves home,
She gets Rawls all alone,
And she plays with his big hairy b….

I’m beginning to worry about myself:

As I’m sipping my brandy and eggnog,
I post dirty rhymes on my friend’s blog,
Is she self-satiating
To the rhymes I’m creating
Or is it me who’s unclogging his backlog?

I gotta stop. I need help.

On December 10th, 2008, Last Place Finisher said:

PLEASE! Cut me off!!!

While I hope to write rhymes that are lyrical,
I’m afraid they’re more crude than satirical,
For when I get that itch,
I write like a bitch,
And showing restraint is a miracle.

On December 10th, 2008, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Do you all see why Last Place Finisher is da man? Yeah baby!

On December 10th, 2008, Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy said:

I will not even attempt this. LPF has it all sewed up!

On December 10th, 2008, Carrie said:

I can’t even think right now, but that first one was hilarious!

Okay, they are ALL hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

On December 10th, 2008, matteroffactmommy said:

i suck at limericks. also? i already divulged enough last tuesday. cough.

On December 10th, 2008, Auds at Barking Mad said:

There is no way I can come up with a limerick. No way. Brain just won’t do it.

But it sure has been a riot reading these!

On December 10th, 2008, San Diego Momma said:

I had to have Last Place Finisher bound and gagged. He left me no choice.

p.s. I think he deserves an Oscar (or an Oscar Wilde?) for outstanding limerickism, don’t you all think?

p.p.s. But everybody’s limericks shined (shone?) in this PROMPT.

Thanks for playing, you writers, you.

On January 5th, 2009, sandiegomomma.com » Blog Archive » PROMPTuesday #37: Book Club said:

[…] Book I Ever Read Was…” jumped out at me. Now I know it’s not a fresh topic, nor bawdy nor random, but I love this subject and I could really stand to add another domino to my teetering […]

On December 21st, 2009, San Diego Momma » Blog Archive » PROMPTuesday #87: It’s Bawdy Holiday Prose Time Again! said:

[…] is a companion piece to last year’s PROMPTuesday. Read the link first, then come back and give me what you […]

On December 13th, 2010, San Diego Momma » Blog Archive » PROMPTuesday #134: Bawdy Holiday Prose, Part Trois said:

[…] As I wrote back in December 2008: For today’s PROMPTuesday, please compose a holiday limerick […]

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