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Sharing some humor, a bit of writing and way too much information

Home / Etcetera / PROMPTuesday #34: Bawdy Prose. Why? Because it’s the Holidays.

PROMPTuesday #34: Bawdy Prose. Why? Because it’s the Holidays.

Etcetera, PROMPTuesdays

Look, I’m sorry to do this to you, but it has to be done.

Why, I can’t say. I don’t tend to examine my inspiration. It’s so often demented and idiotic.

 

What I regret perpetuating upon your writerly person is this:

For today’s PROMPTuesday, please compose a holiday limerick.

 

As you may or may not know, and probably could care less to have knowledge of, is that a limerick is a five-line poem, often obscene in nature (although Hickory Dickory Dock is considered limerick-esque. Unless like so many nursery rhymes, that one too has its roots in blood and sex). In a recent Wikipedia search, I turned up this example:

 

The limerick packs laughs anatomical

In space that is quite economical,

But the good ones I’ve seen

So seldom are clean,

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

 

Now I don’t care if your limerick is obscene, because mine probably won’t be; after all I was a virgin until the age of 22, and probably wouldn’t know obscene if it bit me in the ass, which it did.

 

So, please imaginate your limerick and either post it in the comments or write it on your blog and leave your URL in the comments.

 

And in case any new readers (Oh, how I make myself laugh with my sweet virginal naiveté) would like to know what PROMPTuesday is all about, more information is here.

 

For an archive of past PROMPTs, go here.

 

p.s. I’m a little cranky today and apologize in advance to people who are nice.

 

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December 8, 2008 · 33 Comments

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Comments

  1. vodkamom says

    December 8, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    When santa went out to his sleigh,
    the reindeer all wanted to play
    but donder was gone
    and we saw him upon
    a doe from California way…..

    Couldn’t resist.

    Reply
  2. tinsenpup says

    December 8, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    Happy International Horny Guinea Pig Day. I hope that you and your families enjoy this very special time of quiet contemplation.

    Reply
  3. "THE ROCK" says

    December 8, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    Twas biterly cold that xmas eve night
    Rudolphs red nose was particularly bright
    Santa thought “I’ll bet that nose gets hot”
    Maybe I’ll use it to warm up-this spot
    Down came his pants and out went the light

    Reply
  4. stoneskin says

    December 8, 2008 at 10:47 pm

    There was a little duck called Marvin,
    On Christmas day he did all the carvin’
    But with a little slip
    He fell into the turkey (sorry)
    One of the guests complained it was movin’

    Reply
  5. Debrah says

    December 9, 2008 at 5:02 am

    Holiday sounds are calling from the stores
    Buy me, buy me, Jingles Bells and more
    Not out of sight, I see an Elf run by
    As he throws a wink from his eye
    Merry Christmas to all, now buy, buy, buy…

    Reply
  6. Debrah says

    December 9, 2008 at 5:06 am

    Santa asks with a wink in his eye, what I am wanting for him to fly by
    I ask for a good listener who takes interest and desire
    Considerate, and can set me on fire
    The present of touch, harmony and acceptance
    Then Santa fell off, saying I can never get any presents.

    Reply
  7. Midlife Mama says

    December 9, 2008 at 6:55 am

    THere once was a gal in Nantucket…

    Oh wait. That’s the obscene one.

    Okay I’ll be back if I come up with a clean one. LOL

    Reply
  8. g says

    December 9, 2008 at 8:33 am

    Now, I’m a lousy poet, but I’ve been thinking with some trepidation about a holiday Open House we’re planning to throw here at Chez Doves. I’m not entirely sure my hostessing skills are going to be up to it. So here’s my limerick:

    “I’ll give it a try this December day
    And throw them a feast they’ll remember, hey –
    With holiday cheer.
    Someone’s bringing the beer!
    And I hope you will share in the memory.”

    http://www.doves2day.blogspot.com

    Reply
  9. Me says

    December 9, 2008 at 9:32 am

    An obscene holiday limerick as ordered. Just so you know I love the tidbits of knowledge. Now I will always remember the true meaning of a limerick.

    Reply
  10. Wade Nash says

    December 9, 2008 at 9:46 am

    A black-habited Catholic sister
    met a strapping young Father who kissed her
    He said “do not mourn He,
    cause you’ve never had me!”
    So she said “Then de-veil me, Mister!”

    (P.S. I wrote this before I realized that I had mis-read the instructions and didn’t write a Bawdy _Holiday_ limerick. So just insert Father Christmas into the role as the Father — and it should suffice.)

    Reply
  11. Wade Nash says

    December 9, 2008 at 9:47 am

    Ouch! The Rock’s lymerick is cracking me up! Good work!

    Reply
  12. Cocktail Maven says

    December 9, 2008 at 10:31 am

    ‘Twas a lassie who lived in the city,
    That Santa had heard was quite pretty.
    As he stared at her bottom,
    She woke up and caught him,
    And offered to show him a . . .

    Reply
  13. Cocktail Maven says

    December 9, 2008 at 10:42 am

    Sorry, mistype. Should be:

    ‘Twas a lassie who lived in the city,
    That Santa had heard was quite pretty.
    As he stared at her bottom,
    She woke up and caught him,
    And offered to show him HER kitty.

    Reply
  14. San Diego Momma says

    December 9, 2008 at 11:03 am

    I’ll come up with something better as soon as this cloud of crank lifts, but for now:

    There once was an elf from Hoboken
    Who only made toys that were broken
    He made the kids cry
    With planes that din’t fly
    and bikes with tires de-spokin’

    Reply
  15. g says

    December 9, 2008 at 2:47 pm

    Oh, SDM, that last one was a groaner!!!

    Reply
  16. Da Goddess says

    December 9, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    Wow, these were all so much fun this week! And here I was calling you names behind your back when I first saw the prompt. I should have never doubted the merriment this would bring.

    Reply
  17. Cactus Petunia says

    December 9, 2008 at 10:43 pm

    As usual, I’m late to the party!
    Here’s mine:
    http://buenosburritos.blogspot.com/2008/12/prompt-tuesday-34.html

    Reply
  18. Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says

    December 10, 2008 at 7:23 am

    Oh Frick.

    Better late then never.

    A Limerick for a Lady is up at Blog This Mom!

    Reply
  19. Last Place Finisher says

    December 10, 2008 at 7:52 am

    Better late than never? Perhaps never is better:

    In this season of tinsel and holly,
    Santa brings cheer with his follies,
    For on cold winter nights,
    He sneaks out to get tight,
    And gets mommies to give him his jollies!

    Reply
  20. San Diego Momma says

    December 10, 2008 at 8:00 am

    Oh, you guys are good. You guys (I use the term loosely since most of you are girls) are reeeeaaalllll good. Is there not a PROMPT curveball I can throw?

    And G? Go ahead and groan. It’ll add to the collectivity of the groanness. Whatever that means.

    Reply
  21. Last Place Finisher says

    December 10, 2008 at 8:06 am

    There was a young elf from Nantucket?

    Reply
  22. Last Place Finisher says

    December 10, 2008 at 9:15 am

    Ok, this is troublesome. I was driving to work and couldn’t get this out of my head.

    How about:

    The was a young elf named Rawls,
    A favorite of old Mrs. Claus,
    For when Santa leaves home,
    She gets Rawls all alone,
    And she plays with his big hairy b….

    I’m beginning to worry about myself:

    As I’m sipping my brandy and eggnog,
    I post dirty rhymes on my friend’s blog,
    Is she self-satiating
    To the rhymes I’m creating
    Or is it me who’s unclogging his backlog?

    I gotta stop. I need help.

    Reply
  23. Last Place Finisher says

    December 10, 2008 at 9:27 am

    PLEASE! Cut me off!!!

    While I hope to write rhymes that are lyrical,
    I’m afraid they’re more crude than satirical,
    For when I get that itch,
    I write like a bitch,
    And showing restraint is a miracle.

    Reply
  24. Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says

    December 10, 2008 at 10:15 am

    Do you all see why Last Place Finisher is da man? Yeah baby!

    Reply
  25. Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy says

    December 10, 2008 at 10:42 am

    I will not even attempt this. LPF has it all sewed up!

    Reply
  26. Carrie says

    December 10, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    I can’t even think right now, but that first one was hilarious!

    Okay, they are ALL hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

    Reply
  27. matteroffactmommy says

    December 10, 2008 at 6:12 pm

    i suck at limericks. also? i already divulged enough last tuesday. cough.

    Reply
  28. Auds at Barking Mad says

    December 10, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    There is no way I can come up with a limerick. No way. Brain just won’t do it.

    But it sure has been a riot reading these!

    Reply
  29. San Diego Momma says

    December 10, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    I had to have Last Place Finisher bound and gagged. He left me no choice.

    p.s. I think he deserves an Oscar (or an Oscar Wilde?) for outstanding limerickism, don’t you all think?

    p.p.s. But everybody’s limericks shined (shone?) in this PROMPT.

    Thanks for playing, you writers, you.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. DaGoddess.com » PROMPTuesday #34 - Deck the Halls with Words of Folly says:
    December 8, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    […] Little Miss Holidays wants us to write a holiday limerick. That meanie! […]

    Reply
  2. sandiegomomma.com » Blog Archive » PROMPTuesday #37: Book Club says:
    January 5, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    […] Book I Ever Read Was…” jumped out at me. Now I know it’s not a fresh topic, nor bawdy nor random, but I love this subject and I could really stand to add another domino to my teetering […]

    Reply
  3. San Diego Momma » Blog Archive » PROMPTuesday #87: It’s Bawdy Holiday Prose Time Again! says:
    December 21, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    […] is a companion piece to last year’s PROMPTuesday. Read the link first, then come back and give me what you […]

    Reply
  4. San Diego Momma » Blog Archive » PROMPTuesday #134: Bawdy Holiday Prose, Part Trois says:
    December 13, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    […] As I wrote back in December 2008: For today’s PROMPTuesday, please compose a holiday limerick […]

    Reply

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