Hi! It’s that special time of year! A happy month of merrymaking and holiday cheer. Of friends, family, and fruitcakes. Of gifts from the heart and trees from the forest. Of chestnuts and golden balls.
Which brings me to…
The third installment of Bawdy Holiday Prose.
As I wrote back in December 2008:
“For today’s PROMPTuesday, please compose a holiday limerick.
For background: As you may or may not know, and probably could care less to have knowledge of, is that a limerick is a five-line poem, often obscene in nature… In a recent Wikipedia search, I turned up this example:
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
Now I don’t care if your limerick is obscene, because mine probably won’t be; after all I was a virgin until the age of 22, and probably wouldn’t know obscene if it bit me in the ass, which it did.
But still, please imaginate your limerick and either post it in the comments or write it on your blog and leave your URL in the comments.”
Well that 2008 bawdy holiday prose as described above was a big hit with some hilarious submissions as you can read here. Here is one highlight from my very own The Rock:
‘Twas bitterly cold that xmas eve night
Rudolph’s red nose was particularly bright
Santa thought “I’ll bet that nose gets hot”
Maybe I’ll use it to warm up this spot
Down came his pants and out went the light
Not bad, right? So I did it again in 2009. And that time? It blew. I like to pretend there wasn’t a Bawdy Holiday Prose PROMPTuesday, Part Deux.
I am getting very sleepy. Veerrrryyyy sleepy. My arms are getting heavy. My fingertips are numb. So numb they were incapable of writing last year’s bawdy holiday prose prompt. It was all a figment of my overactive imagination. It didn’t exist. It didn’t exist. It didn’t ex…..
There. I have self-hypnotized myself into pretending 2009’s bawdiness never even lived on the page. Self-delusion is fun! You should try it sometime. I can teach you.
But meanwhile…
You got a bawdy holiday limerick?
Give it to me, baby.
Please post your submission in the comments OR post in your blog and leave a link to your blog in the comments.
First time to PROMPTuesday? Read a bit about it here. Want to see what’s been written in the past? Catch up on the PROMPTuesdays archive here.
There once was a girl from Port Orange… Oh wait…crap! What rhymes with orange?
Did you say bawdy or raunchy? I get the two confused. Here’s my submission:
Consider the plight of St. Nick,
Whose wife wouldn’t suck on his d****.
She said, “Get an elf,
or do it yourself.”
Now that would be quite a trick!
http://jtcricket.blogspot.com/2010/12/promptuesday-134.html
here ya go…great, i was thinking of writing about having sex on the beach in the snow, yes with my husband thanks very much, but am so depressed now all i can think of is dog farts. thanks Deb. yep, i am in a real holiday mood now, yeehah :)
The man in the red suit
Really had to toot…
(I’ll be back…)
(Coot…fruit…root…)
(I just KNOW I can do something with those.)
(Stay tuned.)