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Kitchen Sink

Nothing To Fear, But Fear Itself: A Guest Post

March 12th, 2012

Oh boy, I’ve been busy. I know you all have too, so I’ll just quiet down now and stop the whining.

Meanwhile, please welcome my guest poster, Trish, who’s come to my rescue with some content to fill this tumbleweedy place. Trish and I have read each other’s blogs for a few years now and I’m so happy to have her here today.

 

Hi everyone! I’m Trish from 3 Kids and a Breakdown. I am so excited to be guest posting for Deb today. I discovered Deb a couple years ago through a mutual friend. I love reading her blog because she’s open and real and always funny. Her PrompTuesday series always inspires me. I think some of my best posts have come from there. She has been a real inspiration to me and a blogging mentor.

 

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For so long I let opportunities pass me by. I didn’t make opportunities for myself. I didn’t go for what I wanted. I was not one of those people who pursued their dreams. Or made things happen.

 

I let fear get in my way. Fear of looking like an idiot. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not being smart enough.

 

I really ran a number on myself. I don’t think I even realized it until very recently. I’m almost 43 years old and I didn’t understand that I was telling myself a bullshit story.

 

And then one day I did. I realized I was afraid. That I had been telling myself for just about as long as I could remember that I was stupid. I was lazy. A flake. A slacker. It just hit me one day that this was the story I told myself.

 

Sadly, I told it to others as well. And I acted out on this story. For years. And made this crap true. I was lazy. And a flake and I did slack off. But not because that was who I was. But because I was afraid.

 

Afraid of failing. Afraid of succeeding. Afraid of not measuring up. Just afraid.

 

No, it didn’t happen overnight or out of the clear blue sky. I’d been in therapy; working on myself; becoming self-aware, as they say.

 

So it clicked. And I decided to flip the script. Every time a negative thought entered my mind, I’d shut it down and tell myself something positive. I am smart. I am talented. I can do this. (And gosh darn it, people like me.)

 

And I started to believe it. Pretty quickly. And I started to look for what I wanted. To ask for what I wanted. To take what I wanted. To make opportunities happen and to seize opportunities that came my way. And magically (she says sarcastically because as I just said it took 40 years and a lot of work), things started happening for me. Things started falling into place.

 

I’m smart! I can write! People want to pay me to write for them. Because I do it well! I can do something not everyone can! Sure it feels good to clean the house and make a lovely dinner for my family. But let’s face it, a trained monkey could clean a toilet and a third grader could make Ina Garten’s chicken piccata. But write well? Not everyone can do that.

 

But I can. And I’m not afraid any more. Well, not very.

 

 

Read more Trish here.
Follow her on Twitter here.

 

On March 12th, 2012, Anna said:

You go girl! You can write! And you are awesome!! So glad you figured it out – even if it took you 40 years. Sad for the people that never figure it out!

On March 12th, 2012, Trish said:

Thank you, Anna! I’m glad I figured it out, too.

On March 12th, 2012, Deb @ Home life simplified said:

Great post – I just turned 40 and I am in the same boat – as those negative voices pop up I am pushing them down and refusing to keep retelling that story of fear! I am still scared at times but I am pushing through it instead of giving into it. yes – you can write!

On March 12th, 2012, Trish said:

Thanks, Deb! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one facing this sort of mid-life self-discovery. Kudos to us for facing our fears head-on and shutting down those negative voices.

On March 12th, 2012, Suzanne @ The Wine{a}be said:

Love the quote…and so true!! I find myself fighting those darn voices in my every day.
So glad you figured out how to fight them! I’m still having a long convo with them. ;)
~S

On March 12th, 2012, Trish said:

Thanks, Suzanne. Believe me, I have to shut those voices down pretty regularly still (with vodka). At least now I believe the good things I tell myself.

On March 12th, 2012, chris said:

Well Put! I totally agree….you are much more amazing then you will credit to yourself.

On March 12th, 2012, Alexandra said:

Ah, yes, belief in oneself is wonderful.

So is getting rid of a lazy butt.

Great motivating post.

Lovely to meet you.

On March 12th, 2012, julie gardner said:

Oh Trish,

I relate to this part most:

“Sadly, I told it to others as well. And I acted out on this story. For years. And made this crap true. I was lazy. And a flake and I did slack off. But not because that was who I was. But because I was afraid.”

(Followed closely by “And gosh darn it, people like me.”)

I am 43. I get this. Hard.
And I’m so glad you’re on the other side now, too.
(It only gets better from here. Right?)

On March 12th, 2012, Dakotapam said:

Good for you. I just turned 40 and I feel much the sme way. I’m done sitting back and waiting for gret things to happen! I’m grabbing them now!

On March 12th, 2012, Trish said:

Julie, yes. I strongly believe it only gets better from here. Thanks for letting me know we’re in it together. :)

Alexandra, lovely to meet you. Glad you found the post motivating.

Chris, thank you. I’m so lucky to call you friend. xxox

On March 12th, 2012, Kate M said:

I’m glad you figured it out. You CAN write!!!

On March 12th, 2012, Sarah @ East9thStreet said:

I’m the queen of telling myself I’m not good enough. It’s easier to accept being mediocre than taking a risk and putting yourself out there. Great post and it definitely has me thinking on a whole different level!

On March 13th, 2012, Galit Breen said:

Amen!

Absolutely love this, must print for one of *those* days.

On March 13th, 2012, Trish said:

Sarah, Yes! It’s so much easier to just be mediocre (or worse) than to put yourself out there and risk someone else telling you you are mediocre (or worse). But, I’m finally getting that whole thing of it’s better to go for it and fail than to do nothing. Also, I’m NOT mediocre (or worse)! Goddamnit!

Thank you, Galit. That’s a big compliment that you would reread this on a bad day.

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