In the interest of full disclosure, it must be known that I’m a raging hypochondriac. There’s no disease I haven’t researched nor suffered from in my mind. I try to keep this mental affliction from my kids, but it’s recently become clear that I’m a little transparent. Also unfortunately, my oldest daughter shares my irrational fear cortex, so sometimes it gets all “worst case scenario” up in here. As a result, I pay closer attention to what I say to her about my possibly suffering from psoriatic arthritis or that her brain will die if she doesn’t take a daily multivitamin.

So here’s what not to say to your hypochondriac child:

1. When your child obviously has to pee, but refuses to go, don’t say: If you keep the pee in there too long, you’ll get an infection and your kidneys will stop working.

2. When your child won’t eat her vegetables, don’t say: If you don’t have that carrot, you’ll go blind.

3. If your child won’t drink her milk, resist saying: Fine! But all your bones are going to break.

4. If your child wants to swim in the deep end, don’t remark: I hope someone here knows CPR.

5. If your child’s nose gets sunburned and she expresses concern that she will get skin cancer, don’t speculate: If you have it, you won’t know until you’re older.

Note: This one is especially to be avoided because now your daughter thinks she’s a ticking time bomb of death.

There’s more! But if I don’t get myself away from this computer, its radiation rays will give me Alzheimer’s.