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Kitchen Sink

Your Hypochondriac Child: What Not To Do

August 15th, 2011

In the interest of full disclosure, it must be known that I’m a raging hypochondriac. There’s no disease I haven’t researched nor suffered from in my mind. I try to keep this mental affliction from my kids, but it’s recently become clear that I’m a little transparent. Also unfortunately, my oldest daughter shares my irrational fear cortex, so sometimes it gets all “worst case scenario” up in here. As a result, I pay closer attention to what I say to her about my possibly suffering from psoriatic arthritis or that her brain will die if she doesn’t take a daily multivitamin.

 

So here’s what not to say to your hypochondriac child:

 

1. When your child obviously has to pee, but refuses to go, don’t say: If you keep the pee in there too long, you’ll get an infection and your kidneys will stop working.

 

2. When your child won’t eat her vegetables, don’t say: If you don’t have that carrot, you’ll go blind.

 

3. If your child won’t drink her milk, resist saying: Fine! But all your bones are going to break.

 

4. If your child wants to swim in the deep end, don’t remark: I hope someone here knows CPR.

 

5. If your child’s nose gets sunburned and she expresses concern that she will get skin cancer, don’t speculate: If you have it, you won’t know until you’re older.

Note: This one is especially to be avoided because now your daughter thinks she’s a ticking time bomb of death.

 

There’s more! But if I don’t get myself away from this computer, its radiation rays will give me Alzheimer’s.

 

On August 15th, 2011, Mad Woman behind the Blog said:

Yes, I am familiar with this affliction. Tonight the 3 year old had a stomach ache, or at least convinced the DH that she did. Until Mommy got home.
The truth came out: she wanted to watch a movie in Mommy’s bed.
Uh no.

I’ll meet you in the looney bin!

On August 16th, 2011, Jessica said:

well I’m glad your daughter is ok but did you not remember you have a friend who is as much of a hypochondriac as you are and is now scared she will die from all the above?

On August 17th, 2011, julie gardner said:

I’m laughing so hard right now, I might bust a gut.

Which could be fatal, I suppose.

So thanks.

On August 21st, 2011, Troy said:

You couldn’t be more right about all this!!

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