PROMPTuesday #135: Your Someone’s Playlist

Dear Mom:

 

Do you remember when you and I were driving from San Francisco to Los Angeles in 1996? And I told you that if dad died, I would play Power of Two at his funeral? And you nodded when I told you the lyrics, but also felt a little sad — I could tell — because I didn’t have a song for you. Well, I never imagined you would die first. A scant year later. I mean, DAD. With his diabetes and high blood pressure and hernias and ulcers. And you. With your healthy eating and non-drinking and spiritual fortitude. I didn’t expect it, mom.

 

I do remember at your death bed. The family playing The Sounds of Medjugorje again and again. Because you loved it so. Even today, I can’t not go deep in my soul whenever I hear it. I see you behind my eyes every time, mom.

 

I missed you this Christmas more than ever. I’m not sure why. It’s been 13 years. But this year was especially hard. Perhaps because the girls are older and I wish they had you as a grandma. Maybe because someone close to me just said, “I wish I’d met your mom,” and it opened my heart thinking of why he would have loved to know you. I think though that it was because you loved Christmas and the silver angel a friend sent me after you died found its way into my car — I don’t know how — the kids probably, and the year of your death — 1997 — was imprinted upon it and I thought again of you and that hard November and how a wind still blows Artic and heavy when I think of that month back then.

 

Either way, I think of you. And I want to give you this playlist again. Because Artic and heavy or not, my viscera knows you were my mom and I still warm when I see you in dreams.

 

The only thing? I’d like to add this song to your playlist. You would have loved it. And I wish I knew in 1996 what I know now.

 

Your Errant, Conflicted, But Ultimately Deeply-Loving Daughter.

 

As for you all? This Tuesday? Please make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose the songs.

 

Please post your submission in the comments OR post in your blog and leave a link to your blog in the comments.

 

First time to PROMPTuesday? Read a bit about it here. Want to see what’s been written in the past? Catch up on the PROMPTuesdays archive here.

 

6 Responses to “PROMPTuesday #135: Your Someone’s Playlist”

  1. HipMamaB says:

    sniff. this just made me tear up and remember why I’m driving to LA tomorrow.. well, that and to get my kid. ;-)

  2. Awww…I used to do mix tapes back in the Olden Days. But never graduated to play lists.

  3. Rima says:

    This is so, so beautiful, Deb. And your mom knows.

    Also, I’ve always thought November is the cruelest month.

  4. Ami says:

    A wonderful post, but so sad.
    ((hugs))

    Thank you.

  5. Barrie Summy says:

    This post really tugged at my heart strings, Deb. My sister and I were just talking about how different our lives would be if our parents were still around. My mom only met one of my kids. ;(

  6. Ferd says:

    I know it’s already Thursday and it’s poor form to be answering a “Tuesday” Prompt this late, but like you, I have never been one to stick to rules, unless I agree with them. (BTW, I consider that a character defect, and it has gotten me into trouble in my life, but I now consider it a gift as I am better able to control my rule-following behavior, and now it looks more like creativity. But still…)

    Anyway, my letter would be to an eFriend I have in southern CA.
    It would start by saying that I have been blessed with many skills and talents, which have allowed me to make many acquaintances in my life, join groups, participate in activities… but inside I have always felt like an outsider. In my forties, after a painful divorce from my wife of 25 years, I figured a lot of stuff out. One of those things is that I married a woman who was very different than I am. I found her and her family interesting, having something I lacked. At first, it worked great, but over time, the differences created irritations, stress, resentment, regrettable actions, divorce.
    I would then tell my eFriend that I learned I am an INTJ, by the Myers-Briggs personality typology. That helped me better understand how people are different, and how they see the world. And it helped me recognize people who are more like me. I found one, Princess Gail, and I remarried 4 years later. (She’s an INFJ, close enough!) Things are now groovy.
    INTJ’s are few and far between, about 1% of the population. I can recognize them from half a country away, like my friend in southern CA. When I am with people of my own subspecies, I don’t feel like an outsider. I would tell my eFriend that’s how she makes me feel. Despite differences in age and location, I feel like she’s a long-time friend.
    Going with the Indigo Girls lead, my playlist song for her would be “Virginia Wolfe.” Like VW, my eFriend is a great writer and “publishes her diary,” she is distant in space-time, she writes with intelligence and creativity, she has a certain sadness and anxiety to which I can relate, like a “letter to my soul.”
    Then I would sign it,
    Your eFriend,
    Ferd.

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