September 2nd, 2010
Did you ever have one of those MacGyver mornings? Where you’re out of almost everything edible, but you and the kids are hungry and you pull some ridiculous food concoction out of your butt to make it through breakfast until you get to the store?
Ergo: The other day I woke up to the following items in the fridge:
Mayonnaise (the devil’s condiment)
One and a half slices of bread
Expired egg whites
And in the coffee maker?
One used K-cup pod.
This proved to be a challenge. I had to think quick. But first I needed coffee to accelerate my brain waves. Unfortunately, we recently switched to a single-cup coffee maker and my last coffee “pod” was used. So I did what any one else would do in my position: I found some old coffee beans (I think they were coffee beans) in the back of the freezer, smashed them on the countertop with a can of tomatoes and poured the resulting mush into the pinprick hole at the top of the used K-cup. And voila! The most horrible coffee you’ve ever tasted that wasn’t sold at 7-11! Done.
Now on to the children. What does one cook with the most disgusting creamy substance on the planet, a bread heel, salmonella eggs and applesauce probably past its prime?
One pitches a fit and makes one’s husband buy her breakfast.
But not before one makes a delightful french-like toast with a mayo-applesauce compote for the kids.