July 11th, 2010
Hi! I’m still feelin’ bitchy!
Please to enjoy my PMS-fueled rage so my husband doesn’t have to!
And the top 8 Twitter lies we tell are:
1) I own a very large company.
Based in beautiful Alsip, Illinois, my very large company has global offices in the Land of Honalee, Bedrock, and Orbit City. I employ 30 invisible employees and offer them all one heckuva fake benefits package.
2) I am a life coach.
My life is all effed up, but I’m pretty sure I can straighten yours out.
3) I’m an author.
And it’s not a book I self published either.
Yes it is.
4) I am not on here trolling for chicks or dudes.
Can I DM you?
I’d like to talk to you more about how I’m not on here trolling for chicks or dudes.
I’ll need your cell number too.
And to know what you’re wearing.
5) I am the ambassador of kwan.
What I got to say can change your life. At least that’s what it says in my mind.
6) I can make you tons of money.
Just please first buy my self-published books on how I can make you tons of money.
You’re also going to need to purchase my DVD series and inspirational CD.
7) I win friends easily and influence people.
I will tell my 7,000 followers about your yogurt. And they will all believe I love your yogurt even though I twittered last week about a yogurt substitute.
8) I am not on here just to get free stuff.
Can you send me a box of your self-published books and a case of your yogurt?
You know, for research purposes.
Bonus:
My followers mean the world to me.
Of course I only tweet to the most popular bloggers because I am focused on world domination, but I will remember all the little people as beautiful rungs on my ladder.
(11) Comments
...where you get to talk!
On July 11th, 2010, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:
I love it when you’re feeling bitchy. Rawr!
On July 11th, 2010, MomZombie said:
Thank goodness for the Internets, dumping grounds for PMS-fueled rages everywhere.
On July 11th, 2010, flutter said:
oh man, I love a bitchy you!
On July 11th, 2010, Twenty Four At Heart said:
This should be printed on business size cards and handed out to everyone at BlogHer! Speaking of … I can’t wait! : )
On July 11th, 2010, Stacey Ross said:
Bitch and rant on on…I am pretty sure we are all hormonally aligned, by now, so you can be our monthly bitchin’ spokesmomma.
On July 11th, 2010, Mama Mary said:
On behalf of bitches everywhere, me included, thank you!
On July 12th, 2010, Theresa said:
God I love you!
On July 12th, 2010, Christina said:
perfect.
On July 12th, 2010, Margo said:
you are a riot :)
On July 12th, 2010, Rima said:
You probably shouldn’t look at my Twitter bio ;)
On July 13th, 2010, Audrey at Barking Mad said:
I can’t wait to see if this post ends up on the “How to get pregnant” site as well. I’m still fuming, for you, over that!
Personally I think you should speak at BlogHer and read this post and the Facebook one as well! They were spot on!
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