8 Twitter Lies We Tell

Hi! I’m still feelin’ bitchy!


Please to enjoy my PMS-fueled rage so my husband doesn’t have to!


And the top 8 Twitter lies we tell are:


1) I own a very large company.

Based in beautiful Alsip, Illinois, my very large company has global offices in the Land of Honalee, Bedrock, and Orbit City. I employ 30 invisible employees and offer them all one heckuva fake benefits package.


2) I am a life coach.

My life is all effed up, but I’m pretty sure I can straighten yours out.


3) I’m an author.

And it’s not a book I self published either.


Yes it is.


4) I am not on here trolling for chicks or dudes.

Can I DM you?

I’d like to talk to you more about how I’m not on here trolling for chicks or dudes.

I’ll need your cell number too.

And to know what you’re wearing.


5) I am the ambassador of kwan.

What I got to say can change your life. At least that’s what it says in my mind.


6) I can make you tons of money.

Just please first buy my self-published books on how I can make you tons of money.


You’re also going to need to purchase my DVD series and inspirational CD.


7) I win friends easily and influence people.

I will tell my 7,000 followers about your yogurt. And they will all believe I love your yogurt even though I twittered last week about a yogurt substitute.


8) I am not on here just to get free stuff.

Can you send me a box of your self-published books and a case of your yogurt?

You know, for research purposes.



My followers mean the world to me.

Of course I only tweet to the most popular bloggers because I am focused on world domination, but I will remember all the little people as beautiful rungs on my ladder.


11 Responses to “8 Twitter Lies We Tell”

  1. I love it when you’re feeling bitchy. Rawr!

  2. MomZombie says:

    Thank goodness for the Internets, dumping grounds for PMS-fueled rages everywhere.

  3. flutter says:

    oh man, I love a bitchy you!

  4. This should be printed on business size cards and handed out to everyone at BlogHer! Speaking of … I can’t wait! : )

  5. Stacey Ross says:

    Bitch and rant on on…I am pretty sure we are all hormonally aligned, by now, so you can be our monthly bitchin’ spokesmomma.

  6. Mama Mary says:

    On behalf of bitches everywhere, me included, thank you!

  7. Margo says:

    you are a riot :)

  8. Rima says:

    You probably shouldn’t look at my Twitter bio ;)

  9. I can’t wait to see if this post ends up on the “How to get pregnant” site as well. I’m still fuming, for you, over that!

    Personally I think you should speak at BlogHer and read this post and the Facebook one as well! They were spot on!

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