Out of the Mouth of the Crazed

Scene: My husband walks in the door from work. I need validation and assurance. We are in the family room. It is night.

 

My husband: Hi, honey, how was your day?

 

Me: DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME?

 

My husband: Sounds good. I’m going to take a shower now.

 

Me: What is that faraway look in your eye? Are you leaving me? Who is she?

 

My husband: See you in about 15 minutes.

 

*****15 Minutes Later*****

 

Scene: It is still night.

 

My husband: What are our plans for Saturday?

 

Me: I feel so disconnected from you. We never talk anymore.

 

My husband: Aren’t we talking now?

 

Me: You don’t look at me the same. I want you to look at me the same.

 

My husband (making a dopey face): Like this?

 

Me (making an even dopier face with oogly eyes): No. Like this.

 

My husband: I don’t think my face can do that.

 

Me: It would if it loved me.

 

*****3 Minutes Later*****

 

Scene: Night still.

 

My husband: What’s for dinner?

 

Me: All I do is cook and clean! You don’t appreciate me!

Pasta.

 

My husband: It looks delicious. I will clean up the kitchen after I eat your homecooked meal.

 

Me: Are you patronizing me?

 

My husband: Nope.

 

Me: So you love me?

 

My husband: Yep.

 

Me: That didn’t sound very convincing. You paused a little before answering.

 

My husband: What can I do to make you feel better?

 

Me: Make your face do that thing I showed you.

 

End scene.

 

8 Responses to “Out of the Mouth of the Crazed”

  1. This is so cute. Sounds like it should be a children’s book. For grown women.

  2. He is making that face. You have to put on your 3D glasses.

  3. Jennifer says:

    Sounds like so many of the random conversations I dream up awaiting the day I should find a hubby of my own. Sigh, you lucky woman.

  4. MissM says:

    That sounds like me EVERY month for about 3 days…

  5. Laura Lee says:

    oh my ga’d. I’m laughing out loud. I won’t even use that LOL abreeve because, it’s actually real laughter. Gen-U-INE.
    Was this the scene at your HOME ore mine? Seriously — did you bug my house? Holy shite, The Rock is great. What a great guy. I think he was cut from the same cloth as my Hubs D (who is a saint to my devil). And you… you are just…delightful.

  6. Oh my goodness, priceless. I nominate The Rock for sainthood.

  7. kate says:

    he was totally making that face when we were at your house last time. when you were laughing with us, and you couldn’t see him looking at you? i glanced over, through the walls where he was outside taking care of his children. and my children. and everyone else’s children. and putting up christmas lights. the cool retro ones? while we ate brie? he was looking at your like that.

    he is always looking at you like that.

    lucky girl.

  8. Is it in the air? I asked D to be especially nice to me on Friday night–to be kind to me–I was having a rough day. He laughed. LAUGHED.

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