Good Golly, Miss Molly

Allright, look. I’m sick of pretending. Here’s the straight-up: I’m a nutcase. I guess you’re now going to have to refrain from offering me that job and asking me to watch your kids. I’ve also got to tell you that my crazy is growing. It’s not quite OCD — yet — but I do dream of basting bleach into the mildewey holes of my bathroom sink. Dream of it. You heard that right.


I think some of the nutso stems from wanting things to be orderly and disinfected in my external environment because they are not in my internal environment (my brain is unclean maybe?), but it’s getting bananas.


Or maybe not? Do some of you move into a place and want it just so right away? Do you need mildew holes immediately eradicated and empty corners filled? Is this a thing? A thing that isn’t crazy? THAT would be helpful to know.


Anyway, so maybe you know that in July, I moved to a new home. And it’s great. It really really is. Even better is that I sense the cold snap of Fall in the air and this thrills me no end because our new place is nestled in autumnal hills and foliage. I love Fall. It makes me want to burrow in domesticity. But currently, our house is not yet settled or put together or assembled or decorated and this is playing with my head. I want it homey in here, dammit! I’ve got soups burping on the stove, for God’s sake!


And so back to the nutso. I am obsessive about how to put this place together. I walk around with “director’s hands,” framing decoratey vignettes in each room, when the truth is, neither time nor money will allow me to arrange my home the way I imagine it in my head. This upsets me. Which is upsetting in itself, because there is war and famine in the world, and who the hell cares that I don’t have a coffee table in the grand scheme?


I’m working on becoming a deeper person.


The irritating thing is that The Rock is not superficial. He doesn’t give a fig’s ass whether the living room is furnished or not. He’s all like, “Are our kids happy? Are we healthy? Is the world in balance? Those are the important things.”


Skin-deep people like me find multi-dimensional people like him very off-putting.


Meanwhile, tonight, The Rock told me “Don’t worry, Deb, We will get this house together. We’ll just pick away at it.”


And I’m thinking, “PICK AWAY AT IT? Everything must be done right away. And yesterday. There is not picking! There’s only bull-in-the-china-shopping!


(Please don’t tell The Rock that I’m crazy. He cannot leave me. My family is batnuts too and they won’t be able to take care of me in the way to which I am accustomed.)


So here we are. I’m not patient. I’m not take-my-timey. I’m not “let’s survey the situation and make informed decisions.” I’m not deep. I’m not sane. I am me. And now below are the pictures of the things that are undone in my home and driving me silly batty.


(Way to bring it full circle, Deb!)


















So maybe you see what I mean? These are daunting household issues, right? I need to address them immediately with Pier One and Cost Plus salve?


Surely you see my dilemma.


But let me just say to the “other” side, the side that says “Slow down. Things can wait. You don’t need everything done right away,” that I ran out and did this to the kids’ bathroom:




…So maybe you got a point there.


18 Responses to “Good Golly, Miss Molly”

  1. I like the kids’ bathroom. And? Can I go shopping with you?

  2. Theresa says:

    I have a red couch too!!!

    At least you can paint if you choose… we can’t and I have white walls, white ceilings, white tile floors and white cabinets.

    One suggestion- getting art on the walls will help a lot. Make a date with a hammer and go for it.

    another suggestion- if you put your house together and finish, what will you shop for? You might want to change your style to suit your new locale! You may discover that you love Amish Quilts or Art Deco Mirrors or shag carpets :)

    You are not crazy- you are talented and wonderful.

  3. tinsenpup says:

    IMHO, it’s not about being “skin deep” at all. There’s nothing shallow about wanting to turn your new house into a home. It’s your monstrous perfectionism that’s tormenting you by insisting it all needs to be done right this very second. Either way, you are so fabulously clever and creative, it will look amazing when it’s done. I’m looking forward to jealously surveying the results of your work as you complete it (hopefully gradually). :)

  4. Aw, I know how you feel. You want to be cozy. Looks like your house is amazing tho, so much to work with. And the kids’ bath looks cute.

  5. robyn says:

    Deb! If you’re crazy, then I am too! I moved to a new apartment in August. It’s bigger than our old place, so we need more furniture to fill it up. The thing that was bugging me the most was not having a tv stand yet. We had a pile of electronics and cable cords where that should have been, and it was just eating at me. I wanted my home to LOOK like a home. But I also felt guilty because of Sudan. (My guilt always comes in the form of Sudan.) I get you, Deb

  6. robyn says:

    P.S. My folks chipped in and helped us buy a super-cool tv stand from World Market. Oh, they bought the tv to put on top of it, too. (We had been using a tiny one propped on an old chair. But I never complained about the size of our old tv…because of Sudan.)

  7. Kizz says:

    Oh I am so not your go to girl on this one. I still have blank slates because the blankness paralyzes me. What if I put something there and it is not right because we all know that once I put something there it will be there FOREVER AND EVER AMEN. So perhaps I am your go to girl for the crazy.

  8. MissM says:

    First of all, I would totally hire you to watch my kids.

    Second, I totally feel you on the house thing. We are also not decorated. Mostly because we are lazy and we rent, so really why bother decorating something that isn’t our own. We have all white walls. Every single one. Maybe we make up for it with our giant purple couch, but still. BORING! We also kind of aren’t keen on spending a bunch of money on house stuff. Ok, G isn’t keen and I am unemployed. You get the idea :)

  9. I completely understand your dilemma. I also completely confess that…ahem…10 years in to living in my house, there are still so many blank slates that I don’t have a handle – or anything else, for that matter – on that it makes me crazy, too. My husband is a white wall kind of man married to a I NEED COLOR!! woman. Heaven help him over the next 10 years.

  10. Can you persuade your neuroses to take it one room at a time? ‘Cause that bathroom is wicked awesome.

  11. I like to refer to it as “an overdeveloped nesting instinct.”

    Love the bathroom.

    And we have the same taste in TV tables.

  12. Suzanne says:

    I suggest you throw a party, tell your girlfriends there will lots of wine and noshies, buy some paint or nails to hang pictures, then pick a room or rooms and go to town. It will take the pressure off of you and will be more fun with friends around.

  13. Da Goddess says:

    I have a couple hours free tomorrow if you want me to hang pictures with you. I hate for you to be all batnutty alone and undecorated.

  14. Stephanie says:

    Paint it. Get some color on those walls & it won’t be so overwhelmingly naked. Then you’ll be able to breathe, organize and make it the way you want. But painting is a quick way to get something very visual achieved.

  15. Dare I tell you I’ve been here 12 years and done very little – whatever has been “decorated” was done by Ex who actually has an Eye for such things. The thing I fear most about moving? Trying to “decorate” even one room. I have begged my artistic sister-in-law to move in with me for a few weeks to decorate (because that is all it would take her…sigh).

    I think the place looks fab!!

  16. anonymous says:

    haha, you said “salve”.
    i’m a little bit of the rock and a lot like you. “are the kids happy?” yes, they are. do i hate the blank, white walls that mock me with their lack of pizazz? YES!
    but that shit will come in time. like when the kids are older and things have settled down (but only a bit) and you have actual time and money to spend on stuff that will not be ruined by grubby toddler or preschooler fingers. at least, that’s what i tell myself when i look at our holey, white (or are they cream?) pleather couches from the late 80s.
    love the house pics, btw. makes me want to move back there. actually, the threat of winter is what really makes me want to move back there… not the point.

  17. Deb, if you are crazy, I’m right next to ya. I find the mismatched, ugly home SO Painful. And I have NO eye, all I know is what I hate, but I live with no idea of how to fix it or make it ANY better. But I find wine helps. As does beer.

  18. Barrie Summy says:

    Deb, I can completely relate! And my dh can relate with your dh! Maybe we can do your house first and then mine. Wait….I’ll have gone stark raving mad by then. So….we’ll do my house first and then yours. Wait….you’ll have gone start raving mad by then. Let just meet for a margarita!

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