September 30th, 2009
Allright, look. I’m sick of pretending. Here’s the straight-up: I’m a nutcase. I guess you’re now going to have to refrain from offering me that job and asking me to watch your kids. I’ve also got to tell you that my crazy is growing. It’s not quite OCD — yet — but I do dream of basting bleach into the mildewey holes of my bathroom sink. Dream of it. You heard that right.
I think some of the nutso stems from wanting things to be orderly and disinfected in my external environment because they are not in my internal environment (my brain is unclean maybe?), but it’s getting bananas.
Or maybe not? Do some of you move into a place and want it just so right away? Do you need mildew holes immediately eradicated and empty corners filled? Is this a thing? A thing that isn’t crazy? THAT would be helpful to know.
Anyway, so maybe you know that in July, I moved to a new home. And it’s great. It really really is. Even better is that I sense the cold snap of Fall in the air and this thrills me no end because our new place is nestled in autumnal hills and foliage. I love Fall. It makes me want to burrow in domesticity. But currently, our house is not yet settled or put together or assembled or decorated and this is playing with my head. I want it homey in here, dammit! I’ve got soups burping on the stove, for God’s sake!
And so back to the nutso. I am obsessive about how to put this place together. I walk around with “director’s hands,” framing decoratey vignettes in each room, when the truth is, neither time nor money will allow me to arrange my home the way I imagine it in my head. This upsets me. Which is upsetting in itself, because there is war and famine in the world, and who the hell cares that I don’t have a coffee table in the grand scheme?
I’m working on becoming a deeper person.
The irritating thing is that The Rock is not superficial. He doesn’t give a fig’s ass whether the living room is furnished or not. He’s all like, “Are our kids happy? Are we healthy? Is the world in balance? Those are the important things.”
Skin-deep people like me find multi-dimensional people like him very off-putting.
Meanwhile, tonight, The Rock told me “Don’t worry, Deb, We will get this house together. We’ll just pick away at it.”
And I’m thinking, “PICK AWAY AT IT? Everything must be done right away. And yesterday. There is not picking! There’s only bull-in-the-china-shopping!”
(Please don’t tell The Rock that I’m crazy. He cannot leave me. My family is batnuts too and they won’t be able to take care of me in the way to which I am accustomed.)
So here we are. I’m not patient. I’m not take-my-timey. I’m not “let’s survey the situation and make informed decisions.” I’m not deep. I’m not sane. I am me. And now below are the pictures of the things that are undone in my home and driving me silly batty.
(Way to bring it full circle, Deb!)
So maybe you see what I mean? These are daunting household issues, right? I need to address them immediately with Pier One and Cost Plus salve?
Surely you see my dilemma.
But let me just say to the “other” side, the side that says “Slow down. Things can wait. You don’t need everything done right away,” that I ran out and did this to the kids’ bathroom:
…So maybe you got a point there.