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Kitchen Sink

Let’s Go Fluffy

July 3rd, 2009

Because I’m sick of my existential self and emotionality AND needing to write about feelings every godforsaken second, let’s go superficial instead.

 

What do you say? I think fluff could be fun and I’m real good at it.

 

So as you may know, I will be attending my brother’s wedding in Manhattan in early August. And as I am a soccer mom in complete and utter denial, I have these grand illusions that I can look hip and urban and un-lame while dressing for the festivities.

 

I know. Just humor me.

 

That means please look at the below and tell me what to wear to the reception. The party will be on some rooftop deck, Empire State-viewing blah blah blah and way cooler than I.

 

But first. A few things to take into consideration:

  • I am 40, but use Retin-A and am hoping for the best.
  • I am salon blonde and have a big nose.
  • My boobs are down to here.
  • My butt is out to there.
  • My thighs are over yonder somewhere.

 

OK, for reals, because I truly need some honest consultation, here are my stats:

  • I am 5’7. I weigh 137.5 today. But probably not tomorrow. Or when the wedding is.
  • I am a C. Or a D, E, F, G, and Z, depending on the bra.
  • I don’t know what my season is. Can someone tell me? Maybe it’s a summer? (Although on the inside I am assuredly an Autumn or late barren Winter.)

    Here’s my face:

     

    debonipod

  •  

    Here’s my body:

     

    bodyhahahahahah

     

    (I purposely darkened/blurred the photo, askewed my accessories/bra strap/neckline, and banned all makeup so as not to obscure your good sense with my dazzling (and indie) beautifusness.) Also, I have no idea what is up with my right ear. At about 37, it decided to pull away from my skull and go all Pee Wee Herman.

 

Enough. Without further ado, here are the dresses. Please just tell me which one you prefer, and of course, which would complement my inner beauty.

 

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prodimagems

 

ssgrdrln1

 

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littlewoods4_e_b531446b815d841fa57ff7ac29559923

 

Thanks.

And while I’m at it, I know this is a completely self-absorbed post, as is the rest of my blog, but if you want altruism, I guess go read Dooce or something.

 

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On July 3rd, 2009, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

I like them all.
I’m no help.
Can I borrow the barrel?

On July 4th, 2009, Rob-bear said:

The first two are good. Not sure about the lime colour in the third, though the design is dandy. The fifth is what you’d look like after about a fifth of gin. The barrel makes you look like a Wall Street Broker gone broke. Hey; that might help you to fit right in.

But what do I know about clothing, and particularly womens’ clothing; I’m a Bear, and male.

On July 4th, 2009, tysdaddy said:

I’m going with the maroon (?) dress, the second one.

And those ears? I’ve had that problem my whole life! My sisters used to pull the same one all the time when I was a kid . . .

On July 4th, 2009, Myra said:

I love the design and color of the lime. You’d have to try it on to know whether it works of course, but if it does, you’re a spring. :)

I’m really thinking that design would look great on you. I don’t know whether that bow would look good on. Second choice would be the purple.

You’ll look stunning!

On July 4th, 2009, Eden said:

The maroon or the green. The empire waist will be flattering and the style will be cool & comfortable. I prefer the color (for you) & skirt of the green one. It’ll showcase your legs too and be more comfy for sitting/traveling than the maroon.

The blue is for smaller busted women (the bow is meant to hide that); on women w/ some boobage, it’ll say, “Hello. BREASTS! How are BREASTS you?” The grey one will add weight around your waist and the jacket might be pretty warm on the rooftop.

This post is 100% important.

On July 4th, 2009, Kizz said:

I love the plum one and then I scrolled down and I LOVE the green one. I second the motion to try it on, though, because it’s a fickle color so you want to make sure it’s doing what you want. I love the motion and flare of the whole silhouette, too.

On July 4th, 2009, Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

1. The blue will make your eyes look stunning.

2. Your nose is not big–it is prominent. I say this as a sometimes salon blonde with a prominent nose.

3. I’ll keep coming her because I love you and I don’t love Dooce.

On July 4th, 2009, Kristi said:

Purple or green!

On July 4th, 2009, PAPA said:

Whichever one best matches your pretty eyes. I say lime because it’s very light and airy. Probably very flattering on you. I LOVE weddings!

On July 4th, 2009, MissM said:

I say go with the green. Emphasizes your good boobs. Wear dangly earrings.

As for Dooce, she has a cute baby, but so do you and I. I like you better.

On July 4th, 2009, Trish said:

I love the blue one but Eden may be right about the boob thing. Try it on anyway. If it doesn’t work, then go with the green. And get some really FABULOUS SHOES. At maybe the Goodwill? ;-)

On July 4th, 2009, Cactus Petunia said:

The blue one will look good with your eyes and hair, although I’m not too sure about the giant bow (or is it a propeller?)

The green one is very California starlet, and it might not be so bad to be mistaken for one of those…

The one with the hat? Only good for Ascot or Kentucky derby day. (Or possibly an English country wedding or funeral)

My fashion consultant advised me to say whatever you do, DON”T go with the purple one, or everyone there will assume you were dressed by Clinton and Stacy on What Not to Wear.

Might I say, you would look lovely even in the barrel!

On July 4th, 2009, JCK said:

OK, first, I think you have a gorgeous figure and are beautiful. Now, I’m assuming it is an evening wedding from your description? I would choose something with simple lines that shows off your legs. And even though it is a wedding. It is NY and everyone wears a lot of black. You would be fabulous in black. And if it has to be one of these dresses, I’d go with the purple. Great dress for you!

On July 4th, 2009, tinsenpup said:

I know nothin’ about nothin’, so you probably shouldn’t lend much weight to my opinion, but I love the green one (#3) and I really don’t like the fussy-looking thing at the end. The barrel would probably be okay in a brighter colour.

On July 4th, 2009, Glynn said:

Very cute choices! btw, LOV-ing those gold shoes with your denim skirt.
But I just went to my first wedding on the East Coast and I can empathize – it’s intimidating to dress for a formal occasion in unfamiliar territory. So with that experience under my belt, here are my recommendations:
. Stay FAR away from 1 – It’s too reminiscent of Aretha Franklin’s hat at the Obama Inauguration. And there’s something about the fit at the waist that makes it look a little boxy.
. The maroon one (2) is pretty, but needs a great necklace and kick-ass shoes to give it some WOW in New York.
. The green is really pretty, but I wish it didn’t have the pointy longer length in the back. If you can find it with a straight hem in blue, GET IT and tell me where I can get one too.
. #4 is how I feel in Soho when I’m trying to pass off a Marshall’s dress and Forever 21 accessories next to runway models in Vivienne Westwood and Manolo Blahniks.
. #5 is so dreamy, isn’t it? And it reminds me of why I dig you so much – it’s a little edgy, but ADORABLE. If you like it on you, and you can get the hat too, then I say Go For It!
Hey, make sure you post a picture of you at the wedding in your choice outfit…

On July 4th, 2009, Jennifer said:

The green one. The bow on the blue one is too much. The maroon will darken your face and the barral is much to uncomfortable. The gray is for a winter wedding. Good luck making your choice. You’ll look great

On July 4th, 2009, Laurie Ann said:

Green if it’s a day wedding; Wine/maroon/purple (whatever we’re calling the second dress) if it’s an evening wedding.

Definitely not the one with the hat. You’re not the mother of the bride.

On July 5th, 2009, mary said:

I say green first, wine colored dress second…I’m afraid the bow on the blue on might make it look as though you’re trying too hard to be urban/chic. Classic with a flair is always in- I think the green is your best pick as its flowy and will hide any self-perceived imperfections while still flaunting what-you-got :).
that said, the best thing you can wear is your attitude (and clothes too) so act as though you belong exactly where you are and you’ll be great!
Have fun!

On July 5th, 2009, Kari C said:

The maroon one for sure, the green one if you feel good in it after trying it on, and maybe if the back wasn’t all pointy-unless that looks good on IRL. But both are great for your bewbs!!! Flaunt ‘em if you got them!!

You will know when you put in on and look in the mirror….it will just feel right!!

Be sure to not only let us know, but take a lot of pictures! You will look GREAT!!!

On July 5th, 2009, Blognut said:

You’re getting way too many opinions for this to be a useful exercise, so just listen to me, k?

I don’t like the first one. The bow thingee is troubling to me.

I like the 2nd dress a lot, but I really liked the 3rd one best. I think it’s a flattering cut for you, but I don’t know about the color. Does that color look well on you? Pictures don’t always show green in it’s truest shade, so you’ll have to be the judge of that. If you aren’t sure… get the 3rd dress in the color of the 2nd dress and you’re all good.

On July 5th, 2009, Theresa said:

You will know when you try on the “right dress”… but if this is a mail order situation, the purple is the safest.

Make sure that you are comfortable in the dress though. I do not believe in suffering to be beautiful. You are beautiful when you are relaxed and confident.

Have fun!!!! I love NY and I am very jealous.

On July 5th, 2009, Maureen at IslandRoar said:

All nice (well, not really the barrel…) but I like the sleekness and simple elegance of the 2nd one in purple. Go for it.

On July 5th, 2009, ROCK said:

#1 NO-With your boobs you will look like a wind-up toy.
#2 NO-How will I tie the curtains back, with that around your waist?
#3 NO- Looks like you have been towing Toots and Booger around the yard.
#5 NO- You will look like one of those pompous, shallow, snooty “Housewives of …….”
#4 Oh Yeah- Airy, nice vertical lines, eco-friendly, wine stains wipe right off, and you can slip a few of the smaller presents inside. The Rock needs some new flatware.

On July 6th, 2009, Da Goddess said:

First, shut up. You’re gorgeous and you have a rockin’ bod. Second, either Dress #1 or Dress #2 would complement your coloring beautifully. I’m leaning more toward #2 because that color is just GORGEOUS, but either one would be beautiful on you.

I’m super envious that you’re going to NY. Even more envious that your brother is getting married. Do me a favor, please, and get some of the married to bring back and rub on me.

Oh and if you want to go shopping, I’m available to ooh and aah over your outfits and wrangle cute little girls.

On July 6th, 2009, robyn said:

Number two.

On July 6th, 2009, Green Girl in Wisconsin said:

A) You are gorgeous. So whatever.
B) I love the green dress. I bet you’ll look absolutely stunning.

On July 6th, 2009, Plumbing Aliso Viejo, CA said:

I like the first 2 a lot. I like the last one too but it is a little too conservative for a wedding I think.

<3 Lindsay

On July 6th, 2009, San Diego Momma said:

Thanks girls and guys!

So what I’m getting is:

Maybe purple. Maybe green. No on the barrel. Maybe on the hat.

I’m totally screwed, right?

Thanks again!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

On July 6th, 2009, Liz from babyblooze said:

Blue or purple. the green is great but it won’t show off your bod. Blue – great for eyes and the silouette screams NYC to me. Purple is awesome but maybe not as edgy as the blue one.

On July 6th, 2009, Da Goddess said:

Definitely no on the green. That’s a little prom-like and the color would wash you out.

But, I gotta laugh at The Rock’s input.

On July 7th, 2009, Debrah said:

Whatever you decide on, I must tell you that the sandals that you have on in the first pic are just so fabulous. I WANT THEM!!!

On July 7th, 2009, g said:

You look gorgeous!!!

I vote for purple. I don’t like the hemline on the green one, and I don’t like the fussy tie thingie on the front of the blue.

On July 7th, 2009, Suzanne said:

I really like the green dress, EXCEPT for the weird-ass pointy back/droopy hemline in the back, which would look even weirder once you were drunk and stumbling backward, it would look as if you were falling….

Other than that, you have a terrific figure and any of the above (excapt the last one, which looks like it came from Dynasty).

On July 7th, 2009, KaiHolden said:

I think the cut of the lime dress is the best for about any shape. You’re just going to have to go with your gut on that color … you’d totally pull it off, but you never Really know until you put it on!

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