May 13th, 2009
Today I’m reminded why do prayers work for some and not for others. Why I’d rather just know, and punch hope. Screw the experimental medicine and the new treatment and the wait and see.
Today in December when I knew you would die and you said no you wouldn’t (NO! YOU WOULDN’T!) I saw so clearly in closet tears see I know losing a mom watching her die and now 7AM it’s happened again. This very morning. Fuck that memory.
(I want that memory.)
Today I know there are fathers, and more mothers, and grandmas, and sons and daughters and friends and neighbors and the person down the street and more, just more.
And I could keep on, tell God stop taking my mothers but your daughter, that’s her rightful cry and lament.
So today I recall why do prayers work for some and not for others.
(13) Comments
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On May 13th, 2009, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:
I love you, Deb.
On May 13th, 2009, Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said:
I hate it that you’re hurting.
On May 13th, 2009, Jamie said:
I’m so sorry…
“Prayer doesn’t change God, but changes him who prays.”
-Kierkegaard
On May 13th, 2009, Glynn said:
For you to love her like that must mean she’s a gift to your life.
On May 13th, 2009, foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) said:
sorry…
On May 13th, 2009, Da Goddess said:
What Cheri said. I love you. And I just want to hold you and hug you and make you feel less alone.
On May 13th, 2009, Trish said:
I sure hope you can find some comfort in the days to come.
What Cheri said too!
Love you!
On May 13th, 2009, we_be_toys said:
It’s hard to find a good enough reason for all the suffering and loss. I’m afraid I haven’t that grace, being more inclined to
“rage, rage, against the dying day. Do not go gentle into that good night.”
My thoughts are with you today-
On May 13th, 2009, Bridget Smith said:
A Meditation by Cardinal Newman
God has created me to do some definite service;
He has commited some work to me which he has not committed to another.
I have my mission-I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told of it in the next.
I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
He has not created me for naught,
I shall do good, I shall do his work, I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place while not intending it-if I do but keep his Commandments.
Therefore, I will trust Him.
Whatever, wherever I am,
I can never be thrown away,
If I am in sickness, my sickenss may serve Him.
In perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him,
if I am sorry, my sorrow may serve Him.
He does nothing in vain.
He knows what He is about.
He may take away my friends.
He may throw me among strangers.
He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from my-still He knows what He is about.
Hugs to you, Deb in this time of despair. Believe it or not God is with you and my prayers are to.
-Bridget
On May 13th, 2009, Danielle said:
Hugs to you…
On May 14th, 2009, Jenn @ Juggling Life said:
This tears me apart. I’m attending a funeral for my friend on Saturday–she leaves behind two daughters, 14 and 17. The world sucks sometimes.
I am so sorry.
On May 20th, 2009, Suzanne said:
My mother lives with me and I cared for her after her open heart surgery. I can’t imagine the day that eventually we will have to say good-bye, though I know it will come sooner rather than later (she’s 82 now).
But I want you to know that I understand the fear and pain and wish you God’s grace and compassion, and no I don’t understand those randomly answered prayers either.
On May 20th, 2009, San Diego Momma » Blog Archive » Peanut Head said:
[…] who died last week: My Jigsaw post was about Kathy, the sister-in-law of The Rock and I’s best friend. She died a week ago, […]
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