Butt, Of Course



(The man on the right is the reason I think butts are funny.)


Toots: My name is Iliana.


Booger: My name is Iliana.


Toots: I’M Iliana.


Booger: No, I’M Iliana!


Toots: I thought of it first! You didn’t even know Iliana could be a name!


Booger: Yes, I did! Il-eeee-aaannnn-nnnna! It’s my name!


Toots: It’s my name. MY NAME! I made up that name!


Booger: No, I did, stupid butt!


Toots: You’re a dumb stupid butt that’s smelly, too!


Booger: You—-


San Diego Momma, interrupting, finally: Girls. First of all we don’t say ‘stupid.’ Second of all, we don’t say ‘butt’ unless it needs to be put on a potty. And third of all, you can BOTH be Iliana.


Toots: No we can’t! How will you tell us apart?


Grandpa, suddenly appearing to singlehandedly undo my passable parenting of the last five minutes: You’ll have different last names. You (pointing at Toots) can be Iliana Stupid Butt and your sister (pointing at Booger) will be Iliana Smelly Butt. Unless, (pausing to look at Toots) your butt is smellier than your sister’s?


Toots, sheepishly, after thinking for several long seconds and sighing heavily: I should probably be Iliana Smelly Butt.


15 Responses to “Butt, Of Course”

  1. Diane says:

    I think I love your dad. Of course, what he was was pretty much how I would have solved the same argument between my daughter and her cousin. Don’t judge… I’ve always said I was a good mom… not a great one!

  2. kate says:

    oh. i love your dad. he’s brilliant.

  3. Blognut says:

    A perfect solution! You can’t fight words like stupid and butt anyway, you have to let them have those in order to avoid the big ones!

  4. Frick. Now I’m in love with Grandpa. Is he on Facebook?

  5. If only we could all be so calm and capable in the face of absurdity. Grandpas are marvelous.

  6. Oh to be the grandparent instead of the mom sometimes!

  7. stoneskin says:

    Your dad is a towering genius. So, publishing a little book of granddad quotes anytime soon?

  8. debbie says:

    Me thinks that your dad and my dad were long lost cousins or something. Same sense of humor put out there in a very serious manner.
    I love him. I may ask to borrow him sometime in the future.

  9. Karen says:

    I am adoring Grandpa from afar.

  10. Da Goddess says:

    I like your dad and I like your kids. I like you, too.

  11. Jennifer says:

    Oh that was great. Like something out a family sitcom. Genius.

  12. Butt of course! Different last names. Pure genius!

  13. Jennifer H says:

    So funny! Grandpa’s a genius.

    And that last line killed me…how she totally just gave herself over to reality. Hilarious.

  14. She says:

    Grandpa is the best, and isn’t that his job to undo what you’ve done so very well! I do that as an auntie and I take my duties very seriously!

    Love it!

  15. g says:

    Hah! The sense of humor runs in the family! Love it.

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