San Diego Momma. A San Diego Mom Blogger.

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I'm a mom, wife, writer and soul searcher who colors life with words.


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Kitchen Sink

Our Song

February 10th, 2009

This happened so fast, every last bit (it started when?) and now you’re dying, you are dying. A Saturday night and it comes down to this: a cough, rattled breath, and love you don’t hear. We’re next to you, we circle you, we avoid you, we sleep on the floor to be near. Because you are slipping, you are slipping. Most of us are struck by the severity, the harshness of what comes next. We are losing, and you are going, you are going.




You made it that night. But you are near. Sunday and you choke and gurgle and I ironically smell lavender from the pink pillow I bought as your good luck charm. We play your favorite CD and finally Mother Mary, Gentle One soothes your heaving, your refusal to let go. All of us ring the bed, watching you, in our way. Hours later, still at your side, and you are leaving, you are leaving.




I tell you it’s OK. I smooth your hair and somehow, it’s just you and me. The two people who fought their way through the years, and it’s just you and me. I ignore the sound, your mouth fighting for air, and just smooth, I just smooth. Closing your cold mouth that final time was the worst thing I’ve had to do. The worst thing I had to do. And you are floating, you are floating.




Tell me you are floating.


On February 10th, 2009, Kate said:

This is so beautiful; made me cry. “And you are floating, you are floating.”

On February 10th, 2009, Grace said:

I can feel the sadness in your words. I hope you have family and friends near you to support you.

On February 10th, 2009, Renée aka Mekhismom said:

Wow, the words are beautiful.

On February 10th, 2009, Blognut said:

That’s very moving.

On February 10th, 2009, vodkamom said:

that was amazing. My sister and her husband lost his father today. Made me think of him, and his kind soul making the journey “home…”

On February 10th, 2009, Jennifer said:

A song its self. Beautiful. Such a tender moment captured by words.

On February 10th, 2009, Csquaredplus3 said:

I’m struggling with words here. It’s moving, and pretty, and sad.

On February 10th, 2009, kate said:

you are an amazing woman.

On February 10th, 2009, Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

You took me right back to my last days with my mother. Wow. I’m really sort of stunned.

On February 10th, 2009, stoneskin said:

Very moving, beautifully written.

On February 11th, 2009, mommypie said:

Wow. You always replay your moments so beautifully.

On February 11th, 2009, g said:

This is stunning. you start by saying it “happened so fast” and then the way you have paced the piece really does happen so fast, sort of inexorably moving forward without stopping, just like that.

The use of repeating phrases and rhythms carries us on to the end, to the final release. going, going; slipping, slipping; leaving, leaving; just smooth, just smooth; worst thing, worst thing; floating, floating.

So beautifully crafted and so poignant.

On February 11th, 2009, Kizz said:

I love this, too. It’s the last line that makes it all work so perfectly.

On February 11th, 2009, Mama Mary said:

Wow, what a piece. Brought me right back to saying good-bye to my dad. To those last days of his rattled breath, our baited breath. When would it happen, who would be in the room? Is he floating? Thank you for that.

On February 11th, 2009, Green Girl said:

Floating. I like that.

On February 11th, 2009, The Girl Next Door said:

The images of your moments grab me and take me with you. I hope you feel the hugs and love being sent to you….

On February 11th, 2009, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

The ironic scent of lavender from a pink pillow.

You’re brilliant.

On February 11th, 2009, Danielle said:

That is really beautifully written.

On February 11th, 2009, veronica lee said:

Hi and welcome to MBC!

On February 11th, 2009, Jessica Bern said:

I had no idea there was any illness in your family. I am truly sorry Your words are so beautiful Sandi. Big hug from me to you.

On February 12th, 2009, Da Goddess said:

Heartbreaking. Deeply.

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