Funky Town

I’ve got a great idea. Not only do I think it’d be an interesting social experiment, but I also believe it’d make a lot of people happy. In fact, that’s my idea’s first purpose: make happier people. My idea’s second purpose(s) are to cure cancer, terrorism, and obesity.


Here’s what I’m thinking:

I want to build a town. And in that town, I will legally require people to break into song and dance whenever and wherever the urge hits. Now, I don’t want to come across as a dictator, so I’ll encourage townspeople to lose their inhibitions first by placing decoys throughout the village who start singing in unexpected places, like the grocery store, the library, or the food court. I’ll spend about a year planting my decoys and soon, it will become so commonplace to see people spontaneously sing and dance that everyone in my town will feel they can do it too.




(Artistic rendering of my town. Everyone, even Great White sharks, are encouraged to jump and jive. But my town will not have men with swords or randomly placed ram skulls. If one of my town rams happens to die, I will give it a respectable burial, and not leave it to rot in the street.)




(Another rendering. This one of a group dance in the Vons.)


A group of very happy people


(Last rendering. This shows my townspeople at work.)


Ideally, my town will soon be full of people who sing along to the radio in Starbucks, shimmy down the street as they’re walking their kids to school, and grab random partners (my town supports monogamy, random partners are for dance only) for a waltz at the gas station. Next thing you know, public singing and dancing is so common and expected, that kids grow up thinking it’s OK to express themselves this way. No more will they cover their mouths as they sing in the car, or keep it down in the shower or remain seated at concerts. Instead, if my town’s kids feel happy, they will show it! Because they know it!


Now there’s going to need to be some infrastructure to support my town’s mission. First, I will replace traffic lights and street signs with more happy icons. I’m thinking this will be my town’s green light:




And this will replace the traditional yellow traffic light:




I’m still working on my red light symbol. Please feel free to suggest something in the comments and I will give it careful consideration.


Also, I’ll need to organize a lot of parades to keep the singey, dancey vibe alive. Of course, all sporting goods stores will be stocked with stilts, unicycles, roller skates, and clown cars, because those are the official modes of transportation in my town. In addition, my town will have many lampposts, park benches and slides to support spontaneous dance maneuvers




and I’ll have drive-ins with roller skating waitresses, where people come to watch Napoleon Dynamite,




Singing in the Rain, and the Sound of Music. I’ll have a town sound system obviously, with street corner speakers that broadcast the following contagious song and dance numbers (skywriters will etch lyrics in the clouds for group sing alongs):


It’s a Miracle


Top of the World

One Love

It’s a New Day

Love Train

Grassroots Movement



My town is going to be a lot of fun, but there are some rules:

Number one: If someone asks how you are, respond with a thumbs-up.




(They will live in my town.)


Number two: Ankle kick practice is mandatory.




(They will not live in my town.)


Number three: You must learn disco.




Number four: It is illegal to think these kind of people are weird, even if they are.




Number five: Fireworks every evening.




And number six: Gospel brunch every Sunday.


My town is going to rock! I’m thinking I’ll start one as a prototype and when people see how no one in my town gets cancer, joins gangs, or murders people, they’ll want to build more of my towns across America and overseas. I’m pretty sure that after 20 years or so, if my town concept makes it to the Middle East, there won’t be any more terrorists either.


So I’m onto something for sure. I just need to find some usable new town space and pick a name. Any ideas? I don’t know, I like “Funky Town,” but I worry that people will confuse it with a farters’ colony. Whatdaya think?


Photos courtesy of Google Images.


20 Responses to “Funky Town”

  1. The Rock says:

    I already live in Funky Town.

  2. Thus far, I’ve only visited funky town.

    Now I want to live there.

    Also, when you see a sign with this on it, everyone must stop. ‘Cause I would.

  3. Diane says:

    I’d totally move there (as long as it’s not a farter’s colony… I live in one of those already, with a gassy 9-year-old). I cannot, however, dance, so everyone has to promise not to laugh at me, k?

    Come to my blog today and see my effort RE the whole cancer thing…

  4. Blognut says:

    I want to be one of your randomly placed decoys that breaks into song and dance in unexpected places. I already do that, so I’m perfect for the position. Hire me! I’ll start packing immediately.

    Also, I can’t possibly come up with a stop sign better than the one that Cheri came up with, and I would totally stop for that too… and then I would sing and dance.

  5. After the day I just had Funky Town sounds like just the place to relocate. Plus, it already has its own theme song.

  6. we_be_toys says:

    Won’t you take me to
    Funky Town?
    I’m all good with the singing and dancing, but the heel kicking up I’m going to have to pass on.

  7. feathermaye says:

    I would so live in that town! Like blognut, I am a part of the populace that already breaks into spontaneous song and dance. Unfortunately, my groove is stuck somewhere back in the “Hopelessly Devoted To You” era.

    Naturally, I think this is the only logical stop sign.

  8. Steph says:

    Dude. I wore panties on my head in a video which was then posted to my sister’s blog and my own. The breaking into song and dance randomly thing? Yeah, not a problem.

  9. Karen says:

    I was singing Funky Town at work yesterday. LOUDLY. Please let me move into your town. I’ll need no encouragement to break into spontaneous song and/or dance.

  10. stoneskin says:

    I think I’ll give your town a miss, I hate it when people hum, sing or whistle so I would be perpetually irritated. But hey, I won’t stop you.

  11. Da Goddess says:

    Dude, er, dudette, I already do this. Except Brangelina ain’t allowed near me. They make me violently ill. But otherwise, this is how I live. Except for the heel kicks. Still, my life is all Gene Kelly and Savion Glover. For reals. Almost

  12. deborah says:

    I think this is my favorite post ever. And The Rock made me laugh. He’s so droll.

    And Cheri’s stop sign made my heart stop.

  13. What’s awesome is we’d all, just by virtue of living there, know the dance routines so when someone starts grooving, we can all fall in behind them in a perfect symphony of dance!

  14. i would totally move to this town.

    i always thought it would be great if life was like a broadway musical.

  15. That world existed until recently. It was called Eli Stone. I loved their random over the top production numbers. Of course I was the chorus geek who you might have been able to catch singing as I walked through the halls in middle school. I still sing whenever I can, but it drives my kids crazy so I do it covertly. Dancing is reserved for the closing credits of kid movies. My four year old and I boogie down.

  16. Shana says:

    I vote yes for Cheri’s stop sign. I’d be happy to move to your town now and be one of the decoy/plant signer/dancers. Because I? Love to break into song. Especially when I am with my children and in front of their friends. Because they love that.

  17. tinsenpup says:

    I too am a spontaneous singer. I’m looking forward to being an embarrassment to DK when she’s older. I would consider a move to Funky Town. Keep me updated as the whole thing comes together.

  18. Green Girl says:

    Okay, I would SO move to your town. Your concept is revolutionary, creative and wonderful. I’d do ankle kicks and thumbs up and sing really really loud.

  19. Can I have a spot in your town? I love to thumbs up, although I must practice the ankle kick…!

  20. Mama Mary says:

    This is my kinda town. I’d like to apply for the position of Jazz Hands Chairwoman or Secretary of Scissor Kicks and Chases.

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