What Came Next

It may interest you to know that my period came today. And this is especially riveting because I am happy about it. Happy. Happy! Do you know what that means? My dark descent into depression is reversed. Why, I feel positively alive. And no longer desirous of wading into the San Diego Bay.


Despite my husband’s constant urging to keep a journal that records my eating habits and menstrual cycles so I could chart a possible correlation between my psychotic fogs and PMS/nutrition, I’ve come to rely instead on this public forum and its archives. In fact, San Diego Momma’s previous posts have illustrated once and for all that PMS is a randy bitch. Of course, I don’t mean to downplay this, because I still have my anxieties and freaky nature and moodiness and psychoses, but darn if it’s not all exacerbated tenfold by hormones.


I suspect I’m in perimenopause, as so many of you helpfully suggested. I’ve always suffered from intense PMS, but this recent stuff is especially traumatic. If I had to personify PMS, I’d say that it were a big crabby giant and I was a flimsy fast food napkin and PMS’s gargantuan man hands crumpled up the flimsy napkin me, shredded me into teeny bits, then spit monster loogies on my papery remnants.

Wait. I can do better than that. PMS is the mean blonde girl in high school and I’m the little nerd in glasses innocently walking by PMS. PMS’s laser eyes spot me, although I tried to be invisible, and she snaps my bra, throws me in a locker, then mercilessly drags me out again for a pig blood bath. Oh! And the whole time, my husband is crying in the corner.


I’ve brought this increasing hormonal freak-out to my doctor’s attention, but as you probably know, it’s hard to find a good medical practitioner, and after just one test to check my hormone levels, she called me “normal,” and said I was “fine.” Not wanting to spend money to find a better doctor, I just went with it, and tried to ignore the ever-encroaching premenstrual darkness.


But as luck would have it, a few weeks ago, my hairstylist (God bless you Amber. And Aaryn.) told me about a homeopath she visits. She regaled me with stories of changed lives, and better hair and cleared skin, and knocked-out PMS, and soon I found myself powerless against these testimonials.


So I made my appointment and went to Dr. Gary this past Monday. He listened as I told him about the last two years, when I first began to notice an organic shift in my body, the one which caused my hair to thin, and my sinuses to thicken, and my skin to crepe and congest, and my mood to fluctuate. He then pricked my finger and examined the blood under a microscope. I could see the individual components that comprised my blood projected on a screen, and I listened as Dr. Gary showed me that my red blood cells were clumped together, which suggests I’m not properly digesting food and nutrients, and as he pointed to the fat globules in many of my cells, indicating that my liver is sluggish (I’ve heard this from many an alternative doctor), and as he circled the candida yeast and bacteria floating in my plasma. His diagnosis? That my ileo-cecal valve is incompetent. The valve, located between my small and large intestine, is not working properly and is regurgitating waste byproducts into my bloodstream.


He could also tell that my pancreas, gallbladder, and liver weren’t living up to their ends of the keeping me healthy bargain, and so refused to digest proteins and carbs efficiently, leaving those things to raise and lower my blood sugar levels indiscriminately. Then, after a reading of my irises to confirm these diagnoses, I was on to hearing about the supplements that’d make me feel better.


It’s true that Dr. Gary had a captive — and desperate — audience. I’m not usually one to buy what’s recommended to her. I don’t do it at the hair salon, and I don’t do it with alternative doctors. But I thought maybe I should give this stuff a try. Perhaps if I don’t write this off, if I’m consistent and patient, I’ll notice a change. So I left my appointment with a blood cleaner, digestive enzymes, and a few minerals to boost my immune system. I’m also supposed to massage my ileo-cecal valve twice a day, which looks exactly like intestinal masturbation, and eliminate dairy and wheat, which raises my mucous levels and makes my life a living sinus hell.


So I gotta say, so far, so good. I feel better now that I have a plan of some sort. I’m also taking walks, listening to my music (which heals me each and every time), and trying to be less of a pain in the ass to everyone everywhere. Thanks for all your loving and supportive comments (I responded back to you in that post’s comment section) and meanwhile, I’ll keep you posted on my homeopathic journey. (Oh! And I’ve GOT to tell you about my smelly bellybutton. I think all my blood’s waste is expelling through my umbilicus.)


But for now, until the next mental breakdown, I remain yours truly,

San Diego Momma


22 thoughts on “What Came Next

  1. Hey Deb – there’s a yoga position that helps with that massaging the ileocecal valve – and see what your doc thinks of you taking black cohosh as a supplement. It’s everywhere; Walgreens, CVS, Target. It’s fairly inexpensive, and it’s the main ingredient in a lot of the prescription PMS stuff, and it helps the heck out of me with the hormonal pendulum swings. Welcome back! I’m glad you’re feeling better.

  2. Oh, so happy to read this!! I know that chiropracters sometimes do adjustments to that valve, to try to restore its proper function (though I don’t know if that works well or now). But in any case, I am so delighted that you have a multi-prong plan of attack and are inspired to take walks again and smile! Delicious tidings, indeed.

  3. I’m telling you, we are cut from the same cloth. Since baby #3, I have been a raving lunatic for 2 out of every 4 weeks. I saw my doctor, who recommended Prozac. I ran, yelling and screaming from her office.
    I tried the naturopath for about 6 months. Fish oil, probiotics, hot and cold showers, chaste tree (which actually seemed to help), etc., etc., and I’ve finally given up. I have two personalities. Patient, happy, confident and loving for 2 weeks, then crazy, impatient, hideous and un-loving for 2.

  4. Well, yeah, obviously I’m really really glad that you’re on such a positive path and of course, I love everything you’ve ever written, ever, in the history of me reading your blog, I’m just not sure I actually want to hear about your smelly bellybutton. Sure I’ll read it, but I’ll read it in that, ‘Ugh, I wish I could stop,’ kind of way.

  5. wow- I’ve been considering an alternate to traditional medicine for years- just too lazy to look into it. No more!
    I feel just like you do, if it helps- 2 weeks of normal loving mother/wife, 2 weeks of wretched bitching lunatic. I KNOW I’m acting unreasonable in my mind, but have absolutely no control over it. Its a crazed machine that is careening thru my life.
    Better find me a Dr. gary and fast!
    hope it all helps- keep us posted!

  6. I’m so glad you’ve got some direction. I hope it works. I swear homeopaths really listen and get to the root of things better than traditional doctors.

  7. Blognut: Thanks! I will look into that position and the Black Cohosh.

    MommyTime: Dr. Gary also suggested a chiro, but I’m a little scared on them. I’ve never been! All that bone cracking!

    Bejewell: The rock in on. :)

    Diane: Recommendations are always good for homeopaths. Maybe ask the lady who cuts your hair? :)

    Beth: I hear you, I hear you. I’ll let you know if any of this stuff works for me.

    For Cheri and MerryMama:
    It’s Dr. Richer and he’s at healingtherapiessandiego.com

    Tinsen: At least it wasn’t about smelly feet, am I right?

    Jenn: I’ll let you know! At the next get-together?

    Mel,ADramatic Mommy: Do you use a Q-Tip and rubbing alchohol? Spray some Lysol in it?

    Mary: I’ll let you know how it goes!

    Poolagir: You bet. You’re a funny one. I’m sure I’ll be back.

    FADKOG: If this works for me, I’ll write the whole regimen down for ya!

    Lori: So true. I’ve been hard pressed to find a doctor who acts goes “beyond” a one-dimensional diagnosis.

    Merrymamaof3: See above!

    Green Girl: Exactly! I need to get back on track.

  8. I have a smelly belly button too! But now it’s just a really gross cut up belly button with “skin glue” holding it together after my gall bladder surgery. TMI…I know.

  9. you do WHATEVER you have to do. After Golden Boy I used Zoloft for several years to just keep my sanity.

    Then, I had a TOTAL hysterectomy, and now all is well. well, in a way.

    kind of.

  10. Um, my dear Deb, blood clumps because it has fibrinogen and thrombin and platelets and all sorts of good stuff.

    You cannot see fat globules just from a fingerprick sample. That actually has to be collected in a special vial and processed properly to extract that sort of information.

    I say this all out of love. And basic scientific knowledge that I’ve accumulated over the years of being 1) a medical assistant and running tests, and 2) a registered nurse.

    The blood cleaner? What exactly is in that? And the rest of the stuff? That can actually be harmful if you’re not careful. If you really and truly are having issues with your gallbladder, liver, and pancreas, supplements of any sort (even “natural” ones) can cause organ failure. Usually your kidneys.

    God, I don’t want to bring you down, but I’m serious as a fucking crutch here, girlfriend. I worked on a transplant unit with a good many patients who were thrown into organ failure because of homeopathic therapies. I’m just sayin’.

    Be careful, please.

    Keep walking. Listen to music. And go see your regular doc, sharing with her/him all the new stuff you’ve been given by Dr. Gary. Please. At the very least, be monitored by your regular doc so that if anything starts to fall into dangerous territory you know before it’s too late.

  11. I literally have gone through the exact, exact same thing. It really is a killer. I’m not happy this is happens to you but at least I feel like I am not alone. It’s amazing how once you get your period you just feel whole again. I’m glad you’re feeling better

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.