September 12th, 2008
Today I’m having my face burned off.
I’ve often heard that when you’re 40, you must decide between your face or your ass. So I’ve decided to take the face out of the equation to give my ass a fighting chance.
I’ll post the before picture this afternoon.
p.s. Although I probably would have attempted this myself after a few more desperate sun-damaged years, it’s being done by a professional I trust and actually like.
Hopefully, the feeling is mutual.
Wish my face luck!
p.p.s. Head transplant next!
p.p.p.s. As long as I can keep my new face.
p.p.p.p.s. And addled brain.
p.p.p.p.p.s But I’ll willingly give up the hair.
p.p.p.p.p.p.s (Will this hurt?)
p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s. If ass-burning-off technology were perfected yet, I’d have a real conundrum on my hands.
UPDATED TO ADD:
I just want you all to know how carefully I’ve concocted my perfect online persona. One where it’s impossible probably for you to believe that I poop, sweat or mess up in any way. Right? It’s not like I ever talk about or show you any of my flaws, insecurities or anxieties. Ever. And I’m not sarcastic and in-your-face either.
That’s all about to change.
Because here are my before and during face-being-burned-off photos.
If you are squeamish, look away.
I just hope that by posting these, I can help other people afflicted with adult onset acne.
Oops! Did I just post that out loud?
Sorry. Someone got into the 700cc boob inserts.
Don’t mind that insert poking out of my shirt. The doctor assures me that the gel swell subsides after a few days.
Oh fine. Here I am before the procedure:
See the flakiness? The redness? The crooked nose?
OK fine! Here I am without makeup. Dammit.
See the flakiness? The redness? The pustules? The crooked nose?
Here I am after the face has begun to burn off. It hurt like a mother. (For two minutes.)
WHAT IS WITH MY CROOKED NOSE?????
Here I am leaving the office, about to stun and concuss everyone outside with my Gorgon-ness.
My face-burner-offer, Cora, assured me that after 7 days, I will be beautiful and that my nose should straighten out spontaneously.
Meanwhile, let’s go back to this:
It’s minisculely more pleasant.
Stay tuned for mid-week flaking and rawness!