10 Randomedies, But Mine Goes to 11

Today Mommy Pie unwittingly reminded me that if I don’t get to Matter of Fact Mommy’s10 Random Things” meme, Matter of Fact will kick my butt. Which she could totally do, as she is a soccer player and my butt closely resembles two (or six) overinflated soccer balls.

 

But I have a problem. I’ve told you everything already. There is NOTHING you do not know about me, including the fact that I poke my poo with sticks. So the following is just going to bore you. Still, I love MOFM and I’m afraid of her feet.

 

So here are my things.

 

  • When I was 18, I had macular degeneration. Since people over 70 normally get this eye disease, I was a complete anomaly. My doctors termed me “idiopathic” (not the first time I’ve heard that applied to my person) and after a round or steroids and many tests, I had to have laser surgery on my eye. As a result, I am blind in the center of my right eye. I’m still paranoid that I’ll get macular degeneration in my “good” eye.
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  • I was your typical Catholic school girl. For 8 years, I wore the uniform, then even continued on to a Jesuit college (Marquette University). As a result, I’ve never taken any drugs other than pot, and didn’t have sex until I was 22. I can also count my sex partners on one hand. But I don’t think that’s because of Catholic school. I think that’s just the way I am.
  • I have two “magic” bands that instantly make me happy. If I hear any of their songs play, it becomes physically impossible for me to whine, complain or be a general pain in the ass. These bands are The BoDeans (going to see them tomorrow night!) and the Indigo Girls. I’ve adored both since 1988. I’ve also stalked both. My IG autograph is one of my treasured possessions, and my backstage visits with the BoDeans will stay with me always. (NOT in a syphilis way either.) And bonus: if you’d like to hear a classic BoDeans song, try Still the Night. As for the Indigo Girls, take a listen to Fill it Up Again.
  • I know this will come as a surprise, but I have an overactive imagination. I play out make believe scenarios in my head all the time, have pretend conversations, and just generally take the daydream bus. The below, I wrote in 2003, before I had kids.

     

    While I was reading Possession and half-listening to MTV’s WWF 3, my brain imagined having my first child, whom I loved dearly. A boy, he was gangly but in a sweet gooby way, and we shared a special mother-son bond, often hanging out on the couch watching TV together, resting, neither one of us wanting to be somewhere else. He grew, and we’d go shopping and talk about his future. I always encouraged him to express himself (here, I briefly toyed with the idea of bringing him up non-denominational given that I’d recently attended a Seaside Church of Religious Science mass and really enjoyed it, then felt guilty and had bad dreams that night of evil infiltrations). Regardless of whether I finally decide to raise him Catholic or Seaside, he turns into the sort of man who has an unshakable belief in himself, and is quietly self-actualized. He has sandy brown hair and is lanky. He thinks I’m the best mom; is protective of me and calls me “mama” every so often, affectionately.

     

    We go on this way until I get cancer, and he keeps vigil at my bedside with The Rock.

     

    In there somewhere, I also calculated how long it would be until he could buy me really good presents (after he gets his first job, which would be creatively fulfilling yet well-paying). I decided I’d be about 58-59.

     

    No lie: this whole daydream scenario took 2 minutes to play out…and the entire time I never took my eyes of my book or stopped listening to MTV.

     

    So, I do that a lot.

  • I cannot keep a pair of hoop earrings. Serious. The Universe takes them all away. I keep trying though. I bought three pairs a few months ago for security, and I now have only three earrings. The last hoop tumbled to its death over a patio railing when I was at happy hour with Mel. I tried to retrieve it from the dirt a while later, but gave up after I saw a dead mouse in the hoop’s last known location. Here’s a pic from that night. Note the complete and utter absence of hoop earrings.

     

     

    Hello Boobs, Meet Table. Oh? I see you’ve already met.

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  • I bore Toots and Booger naturally. (That sounded weird) What I mean to say is that I was unmedicated during their births. And it hurt. But it turned out well in the end. Also, I’m not a hippie. I just hate spinal needles.
  • I love clothes and even have a denim addiction. Yet, I cannot put outfits together. It’s a curse. My greatest superficial dream –aside from a never-ending supply of hoop earrings — is that I could hire a stylist. In fact, coming up here one of these days, I am going to ask all of you what to wear for my New York trip. I’m sure you’re chomping at the bit for that one.

     

     

    Too clashy? Won’t work due to the 6-soccer-ball butt? Or because I’m not a ballerina? (pic from Anthropologie by the way)

     

  • I love to entertain. Some of my greatest hits parties include “My Mom’s Recipes Party,” and the upcoming “Conversation Party,” where I force people who don’t know each other to talk. It’s gonna be great!
  • I often pray that my mom will appear to me. I don’t know why she hasn’t yet. It makes me sad because I’d like to see her again.
  • I’m pretty sure I was almost abducted by a cult when I was 15.
  • Bonus #11: I like to end things on an ambivalent note.

As for those I’m tagging, I suck at that. So, let me just choose a few people I, or you, might like to know more about: the Cocktail Maven, Karelle at Tiny Little Bits and Pieces of Me, Chris at CSquaredPlus3, Da Goddess, and Karen at the Knit Geek’s Blog.
And I’d love anyone else who feels so inclined to do this too!

 

31 thoughts on “10 Randomedies, But Mine Goes to 11

  1. (i can’t see the picture of you and mel – is it just me? AND, i’m so pissed i can’t join you guys for your SD happy hours. i would SO be there!)
    LOL @ poking your poo with sticks! and you know my 1 happy band. oh, and re: the “bore Toots & Booger naturally”, i thought you meant that you bore them, like you bore them to death, they are bored by you, etc. and then i had to read the sentence for a 3rd time to not think that you had actually bore a hole in them.
    thank you so much for obliging this one, deb. heart you fiercely!

  2. I too have those weird day dream type things all the time. I think you explained them very well, better than I ever could which is why I haven’t ever written about it. You rock!

  3. Okay, CREEPY. Yet ANOTHER thing that solidifies our twinness.

    I had eye issues as a kid too. I had Strabismus, which is technically NOT lazy eye — it’s just a permanently crossed eye that doesn’t waver. Had to have two surgeries (at like, 3 and 5 or something) and wear a patch and glasses and the whole shebang. I was a beaut.

    Overactive imagination, check.

    Natural childbirth, check.

    NOT! No freakin’ WAY, Dude! YOU are the one who should be called The Rock. Criminey Woman.

    And wishing for ghosts to appear? I do it ALL the time too, my friend.

  4. I am laughing my ass off. Two reasons. (So this is a two not-really-random things about me comment.)

    1. Didn’t I find your earrings in the grass in my backyard? Yes. I. Did.

    2. I cannot count on one hand the number of times I’ve read one of your posts, felt a deep and abiding love for you, and wished I was a lesbian so I could spend the rest of my life with you. But I am not gay, I have Tom, we are on vacation, sex has been involved, and it is good. So I guess you’ll just have to be my online girl-crush.

    You rock.

  5. Wow! That’s some list! I thought you mean bore like “made them feel tedium” not “birth” so I had to re-read that twice!
    You’d fit in great here–the BoDeans are a “local band” and I remember early concerts from high school! I most recently went a few years ago–they are a good time!

  6. you, sdm, are one of a kind. there’s nothing else to say. and that mac d thing with your eye? would have never happened today. if you want to know why i know that, just email me. :)

  7. Seriously, dude-ette! I crack up every time I come here. You are fabulously funny.

    On another note, you might like my “What am I missing” post of a few days back. It deals with forgiveness. I’m on a kick!

  8. “Idiopathic” – I love the sound of that! I want to be idiopathic. So much cooler than just being an idiot.

    I also had Bunny naturally. I am a bit hippie, but mostly it was my inner control freak. I didn’t want to be numb to what was going on. I was also petrified of tearing and of having a cesarean and any kind of interference statistically increases your chances of this. As soon as I read this, I was like “Okay, that’s it, I’m just going to have to suffer through it”. And boy did I suffer.

    Kelly

  9. Before I answer any questions, I must address the pictured outfit. It’s fug. Absolute fug. Just no, okay? Has nothing to do with you or your figure. It has to do with the cut of the clothing. I like the colors just fine, but not the actual articles of clothing. We’ll work on this.

    As for your Walter Mitty-ishness, me too too! And it’s funny that much of what you wrote about your “boy” is how LD and I are so often. Except my imagined cancer leaves just the two of us together. I have no Rock. And the religion thing is kinda out since he’s little Mr. Greek Orthodox. But otherwise, it’s so us! Channel, channel, baby!

    Okay, whatever. Anyway, here’s your requested after photo of LD.

  10. Lurvely. I suspect it’ll take me WEEKS to compose this list. Or maybe more than my typical 30 minutes of posting time (which includes snapping digital pics of random knitted stuff).

  11. My mom is going through treatment right now for macular degeneration. She’s also idiopathic (she’s just a little over 60) but not as much as you were! She gets shots in her eyes every four weeks. It’s YUCKY.

    And there was no natural childbirth for me. Kaitlyn descended too fast and they had to all but knock me out to keep me from pushing. Steve was a footling breach C-section. And I love the term “footling breach” as much as you love “idiopathic”. It just sounds so cool! I can use it to insult him – other people think I’m weird, I know, but it really ticks him off when I do the “footling breach, footling breach” singsong at him.

    Mom of the year committee, here I am!

  12. Your boobs and my boobs have the same taste in tables. Note to self: work on posture.

    My PMS is screaming for more of the appetizer I had at Shades.

    Re: above outfit? Only if you want to go to NY looking like a soccer mom.

    Overactive imagination? All the time. If I give in I will never let my son out of the house again.

  13. My favorite band ever is The Clash – anyhoo, I have a Clash tribute album and the Indigo Girls did a cover of ‘Clampdown.’ It is really good :)

  14. So can I just pretend, for a little while, that we are sisters? And that we live together in sisterly love. And we share everything? Can I? Just for a little bit?

  15. Pingback: DaGoddess.com » Randomosity

  16. Better late than never, I’ll have you know I started my response to this the day you posted it. I was just busy being a pain in the ass, or having a pain in the ass, or something like that. I’m done now. I hope you approve.

  17. Pingback: San Diego Momma » Blog Archive » Ten Things

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