Dear Everyone,
You are all fabulous. You offer advice, bolster my confidence, provide support, say you’ll fly with me to New York to stall my inevitable nervous breakdown, AND play with me every Tuesday. I think you’re great. Also, those pants/Crocs/Underoos/chaps really bring out your eyes.
Thank you.
Love,
Mrs. San Diego Mommason
So I’d thought I’d start this PROMPTuesday on a happy note, because what I want you to do this week is the exact opposite: write a letter of complaint. Write it to your grocery store, your breakfast, your toilet paper…anything you find lacking, subpar, or freaky. For instance, my letter will be to Thomas the Train’s wooden figure wranglers. I personally find the way that none of the Thomas characters move their mouths when they talk a little creepy. And I intend to tell the wranglers so.
As for you, the sky’s the limit. Write your letter to anyone, anything, any Thomas character you choose.
As usual, the PROMPTuesday rules are thus:
- You must write your entry in 10 minutes. This encourages top-of-mind, primal thinking before the ego and judgmental brain kick in. Just set a timer, make your kid count to 600 slowly, whatever. It’s an honor system. And I trust you.
- Keep to 250 words or less.
- Please have fun. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Together, let’s rediscover the simple joy in the writing process.
- Post your submission in the comments OR post in your blog and leave a link to your blog in the comments.
Have fun getting good and complainy™ (my new best friend, Amelia Sprout’s, made-up word).
Interested in reading past PROMPTuesdays? Catch up here.
Here is my humble effort.
Thank you for saving me a separate post! Seriously, I was actually in the process of writing a major rant!
Woohoo! I love complaining!
Wow, if I started writing complaint letters we’d run out of paper in the world! LOL! What an awesome little site you have here Ms. SD Momma! I love San Diego.
Ooh I never thought of that. Maybe that’s (another reason) why they’re so creepy.
So many possibilities. I think I’ll need to try this one (if I get a chance).
Did it, in haiku form!
Dear Laptop Inards Makers,
There are many things I love about your handiwork, such as the sleek compact design you have managed, and the lug-able weight of the whole contraption that enables me to do my work anywhere at any time, unless that place has internet access because then I just waste time surfing online — but that’s not really your fault, though I suppose I could blame you for including a handy little internal modem or wife connector thingy or whatever it’s called. But I won’t blame you for that, since mostly I love that thingy, and it’s really not your fault that I have the focus and attention span of a goldfish.
But here’s what I can blame you for (and I do): you need to do something about the cooling system. Because this laptop of mine? It’s damn hot. Sitting under it in a coffee shop, drinking a cuppa joe in the summer, is basically the same as sitting in the Mojave Desert at noon without sunscreen a hat or water. Actually, it’s like the Mojave sitting on my lap.
Now, as a mother of two young kids, I’m used to all sorts of absurd, uncomfortable, and inconvenient things sitting (standing, squirming, perching) in my lap. But, generally, they are not things whose internal temperature reaches the point at which it is possible to toast human flesh. In the winter, I just think of my laptop as a cozy blanket, and I happily turn the heat down in my house while I write. You may think this is hypocritical of me, liking the heat in winter and hating it in summer. But honestly, laptops are supposed to be all about convenience. And this one isn’t.
I would be quite happy to lose the perk of heat in winter if I could only have my lap back for the other half of the year. But, your laptop is slowly melting my lap, and I fear that my children soon will have no lap to sit on at all.
Could you please install a fan, or a wee air conditioner, or do something to increase the cooling factor of the obviously-far-too-small fan you’ve installed? I fear that my laptop may in fact be a fire hazard.
And much as it would kill me to see my latest book, and all my notes, go up in smoke, I am hereby putting you on notice that it will make me even more unhappy if my thighs are the tinder for the blaze.
Thank you for your attention to this matter, etc., etc., etc.,…
PS Sorry for the absolutely absurd typo up there “wife connector” for “wifi connector” — this will teach me to reread my posts here before hitting publish. I swear it will. I know I say that every week when I find stupid typos, but I promise next time I will not get so carried away in the “written in under ten minutes” thing that I will actually re-read before I post. Pinky swear.
I just went off on the Network Executives. To learn more, click here http://marybeth494.blogspot.com/ :)
Dear self,
Stop with the procrastinating! Yes I know there are many fabulous blogs, tv shows, books and what have you. But life is fleeting and there are so many things to be done. Remember those two little people who live with you. The many many crafty projects that you still have left to finish. What about the housekeeping? You’ve got to take part and do your share.
Why do you put the things you enjoy most on hold? Ya, I know you’ve got alot of emotional mush and conflict but does putting off life make things any easier? Yes, living back at home, falling back in line with the family dynamics of your youth is a challange to stay away from but your better then that. You can be a grown up. Although we’re still trying to figure what that is exactly. It is possible to be you, regardless of the opinions and ‘advice’ given to you.
So wake up! Snap out of it! Stop wasting your time in things like this. Well OK, maybe not this, your WPM is getting better, because of it. Do good. I know you can!
Love,
Me
Dear Duncan (my chocolate lab),
Could you please leave the room before you fill it with noxious stink? It’s a toss-up between your butt and the diaper pail. Okay, so maybe it’s my fault for buying the Costco brand dog food to save a few bucks, but really. Does it have to smell that bad? Or could you at least wag your tail to stir up the air and disperse it a little?
I love you, Duncan, but this might do me in.
Always,
Erin
Erin, if I’d been drinking anything, I’d have to bill you for cleaning.
And everything else I’ve read is fantastic thus far!
Oh, Deb…I totally get ya on the Thomas peeps. By the way, I think I still have a handful or seven of those videos if you want them. Or anyone else local. As long as you have a VCR, I have lots of kid-friendly videos up for grabs. Anyone? Anyone?
Dear Jack,
I am pleased that your fast-food restaurant chain is responding to the nation’s obesity epidemic by developing menu items for the more health-conscious among us. I find it very comforting to know that, in a pinch (no groceries in the house, no time to cook) I can visit the Jack in the Box just down the street and grab one of your yummy new Acapulco Chicken Salads and actually ENJOY a fast food meal. However, I do believe you may wish to consider providing psychiatric evaluations for the chefs and market testers who designed this latest offering. Surely, only an unstable mind would conceive of pairing a delicious, healthful salad with a dressing that boasts TWENTY-FOUR GRAMS OF FAT.
For comparison’s sake, I reviewed the nutrition information for some of your other menu items. Here is what I found: At 24 grams of fat, one serving of your Cilantro-Lime Salad Dressing has more fat than a junior bacon cheeseburger or a medium order of fries. 6 pieces of your latest mother’s-worst-nightmare snack food, breaded and deep-fried macaroni and cheese (who comes up with this stuff?), surpasses the fat content of the dressing by a single gram, as does the Cheeseburger Deluxe, the Supreme Croissant, and the Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit.
Clearly, someone forgot to consider the target market for your salads.
Regards,
Thankful for Low-Fat Balsamic Dressing in San Diego
Tinsen: As always, a gem.
Da G: The made-up names of your antiperspirants alone deserve some kind of writing prize.
Tanya: Me too! Can’t believe it took me this long to make complaining a PROMPTuesday!
Noble Pig: I guess that’s what email is for! Limitless complaint letter writing….
Eden: Please do!
Robyn: Absolutely perfect. Nobody can resist a haikued complaint.
MommyTime: EXACTLY! What’s with these laptops? Personal injury lawyers take note.
Mary Beth: I was with you on EVERY WORD.
Mami Jen: Are you inside my brain?
Erin: May your dog learn to wag his tail more profusely.
Cocktail: I KNOW!!!!!!!
Who can resist an invitation to complain? http://happyhippyraindancer.wordpress.com/2008/08/05/maiden-form/
I’ll have to come back later and read the submissions… But here’s mine!
Dear Nikon D50,
Occasionally you do me right. You make me feel like I have a wee bit of knowledge of lighting, composition, movement, and timing. You tease. I see these little humans moving in front of me in brilliant ways I’d love to capture forever. I click. I pause. I click without pause. I observe. I click. I close my eyes. I click. And yet… And yet… You remind me that the little mirror within you could not possibly capture the brilliance of the moment the way I had hoped. The smell of the breeze. The sticky feel of popsicle dripping down the wrist. I clicked. I tried. Can’t you just magically create a brilliant shot at least every 500 shots? Must you make me take 14bazillionhundred and still feel inadequate? Yes. You must. And so… And so… I must now enroll myself in a photography class. In a community college. Because you make me feel inadequate. Damn you.
Deb, thanks for the kudos. I do love me some ridiculous names. And truly, these folks creating scent combos and titles are really from another planet. As unwelcoming and ethnocentric as it sounds, I rather like mocking them.
Jamie, I don’t know where you’re located, but if you’re by some chance in San Diego, I have a solution for you! If not in SD, I have a couple ideas I’d be happy to pass along. Just follow my link and you’ll find my email. Or Deb will share. And I totally feel your pain. I’m currently photo mojoless.
Here’s my letter to bra manufacturers. I included a real complaint letter to an airline I wrote a couple years ago too just for kicks.
http://www.dirtandnoise.com/2008/08/bra-makers-take-note.html
http://theknitgeeksblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/promptuesday-getting-complainy.html
This was more fun than it should have been
Mommy Time – I am most disturbed, but strangely entertained, by the image of your ‘slowly melting’ lap. I also completely accepted a ‘wife connector’ as some technological breakthrough I hadn’t heard of yet. In fact, I’m pretty sure I need one.
Mami Jen – Excellent! Now can you write another one the same, but addressed to me?
Erin – Too funny! Not so much for you, of course, but well done anyway.
Cocktail Mavin – I bet they assume that almost no one will check.
Jamie – That was really quite beautiful. It’s always a losing battle trying to capture a moment.
http://katydidnot.blogspot.com/2008/08/can-i-have-that-adorable-little-chump.html
there’s mine. late (ish)