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Kitchen Sink

The Five Stages of Blogging

July 16th, 2008

Please note that the below represents my perspective and is not reflective of any well-adjusted, unmedicated bloggers out there.

 

I call this piece, The Arc of a Blogger

 

Stage 1: Denial

Examples – “I can live perfectly well without my blog.

It has not consumed my life.

I do not live each day wondering, If I blog it, will they come?

My children ARE adjusting to artificial light and prison-issue food.”

 

Stage 2: Anger

Example – “WHAT?? My ‘If Celebrity Baby Names Were Butt Synonyms‘ post ruled! Come on! Hiney Pitt?

What’s wrong with you people?

No comments? Come ON!”

 

Stage 3: Bargaining

Example – “OK, God. Here’s the deal: if you make me brilliant with a side of gentle sarcasm for one day, AND use your Divine Grace to inspire a relatable and beautifully-written post, I will help You cloth the naked and feed the poor. And *possibly* become an instrument of your peace.

 

Stage 4: Depression

Examples – “Forget it. Why bother?

What’s the point? I’m closing this thing down.

No one likes me. Why don’t they like me?

Was it the Tushy Lopez?”

 

Stage 5: Acceptance

Example – “I’ll just be me. Little ole San Diego “Hiney Pitt” Mommason.

But with more meds, and less butt talk.

 

UPDATED: I planned, I really did, to have a new BlogHerNot post up here by now. BUT, la vida loca, and a snot-soaked two-year-old got in the way. So just ignore me, and head over to Mommy Pie’s, where she’s hosting the most fantab group of bloggers for BlogHerNot 2008. Seriously, there’s a whole lot of great links over there. Not to mention Mommy Pie herself. And? We’re all very happy for those who are at BlogHer. I’m pretty confident in saying we all wish we were there with you. Have fun!

 

 

bloghernotbanner1.jpg

 

On July 16th, 2008, Kizz said:

Is there a stage for obsessively checking the sitemeter you lovingly installed and sending a stern e-mail to the company when hits you KNOW you’ve had don’t appear for 12 hours even though you don’t even have ads on your site?

On July 16th, 2008, Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

What does it mean if you don’t even bother with denial?

On July 16th, 2008, San Diego Momma said:

Sorry, Kizz. I uh, *cough, cough, sputter, sputter* would not know anything about that.

Jenn: It probably means that you’re one of the less medicated, more adjusted bloggers.

On July 16th, 2008, Momma Mary said:

Um. If I’m unmedicated does that mean I’m not well adjusted? I might be able to live with that. But, just tell me. How long did it take your family to adjust to the prison food? My husband is fine, since it’s the same crap he’s served on the ship. The Little Monster, however, he’s not so happy.

On July 16th, 2008, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

In a Beavis & Butthead voice: “Heh. Heh. You said, ‘Butt.'”

On July 16th, 2008, matteroffactmommy said:

been there. i’m at 5 right now.

(btw, does “medicated” = alcohol? if so, yeah, i’m medicated too.)

On July 16th, 2008, Steph said:

I’m at stage five, too. Because those other stages? Tiresome. Also? Twitter is eating my life.

On July 16th, 2008, Chris said:

I’ve only been blogging for two months and experienced all stages multiple times. I’m hanging out around Stage 4 and 5 right now. I think it’s an a-dick-shun. I need a tissue.
Found you through the lovely Beanpaste (FYI).
http://www.csquaredplus3.typepad.com

On July 16th, 2008, Green Girl said:

Very funny. I thought I was the only one who thought my stuff rocked!

On July 16th, 2008, kate said:

there are normal unmedicated bloggers in the world? serious?

On July 16th, 2008, Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said:

I have gone through all the stages, usually on the same day. And Friday? If I laugh the minute you walk in the door? It’s because I’m thinking of Tushy Lopez.

On July 16th, 2008, Vered said:

I think I’m at the denial stage. Good to know what to expect. :)

On July 16th, 2008, Jennifer H said:

Love this. I’m quite certain I have experienced every one of those.

Maybe even this week.

Hiney Pitt…heh heh. :-)

On July 16th, 2008, Myra said:

I hold you personally responsible for my blogging addiction. It’s totally your fault. And stop being so witty. You’re giving me a complex. I think that puts me squarely in phase 3.

On July 16th, 2008, Clink said:

Bahahaha! I love it!
Personally I am around a stage 4.

On July 16th, 2008, Da Goddess said:

I’ve turned into “hey, someone from thusnsuch place keeps hanging out on my site and digging through my archives. They’re either stalking me or digging up dirt on me in an effort to ruin my run for the presidency.”

Paranoia is a must for all bloggers. As it self-centeredness. The world simply doesn’t know what to do each day until they’ve read a post from us.

On July 16th, 2008, San Diego Momma said:

Momma Mary: Prison food? Wha–? Oops! Forgot to feed the kids.

Cheri: Also “Hiney,” and “Tushy.” Heh. Heh. Heh.

MOFM: Yes, yes it does.

Steph: Yes, yes it does.

Chris: I e-mailed you a tissue.

Green Girl: You are NOT the only one! I also think your stuff rocks!

Kate: It may be an urban myth.

Mel: It’s OK, laugh. I’ll be wearing my “Tushy Lopez” licensed bathing suit.

Vered: I’m available for further consultation if you need.

Jennifer H.: I know. Sometimes daily for me.

Myra: Should we 12-step together? I’ll come to Florida for the meetings!

Clink: I know your blog, and you are NOT in #4. You’re a 5, and with no butt talk.

Da G: Maybe you’ve got a hot secret admirer? And I’ll be on your campaign team.

On July 16th, 2008, stephanie (bad mom) said:

I have no delusions about my adjustment; I’m pretty shameless about leaving my Yahoo Mail window open on the screen so I can watch when comments come in.

Clearly something is missing from my life.

On July 16th, 2008, tinsenpup said:

“…well-adjusted, unmedicated bloggers…” Yeah right, you slay me! Let me know if you find any.
I’m shocked to realise that I’m cycling through this a couple of times a week. In fact, I only write a new post when I hit 5. I guess the first step is San Diego Momma showing you that you have a horrible, horrible problem.

On July 17th, 2008, Da Goddess said:

If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I promise to fuck everything up royally. :D

On July 18th, 2008, BLOGHERNOT ‘08 Weekend is Here! « Mommy Pie said:

[…] The Five Stages of Blogging Instructor: Deb at San Diego Momma […]

On July 18th, 2008, threeundertwo said:

I am so loving BlogHer Not. Still waiting for stage 5 here.

How did you know about the prison food?

On July 18th, 2008, bejewell said:

Dude, I SO want to read that Baby-Names-Butt-Synonyms post!! I would predict at least 1,0000 comments. Pretty please?

On July 18th, 2008, Modern Single Momma said:

Hehehe, I was at stage 4 this week and it was so not pleasant…but a great thing that needed to happen so I could get to stage 5… oh yeah baby! Goofy-Self Acceptance!

And since you and I are of the “Momma” versus “Mama” kind, we must be kindred spirits, which means on my blog roll you belong and in my twitter updates too!=)

On July 18th, 2008, Tootsie Farklepants said:

I’m still in stage one. You mean there are four more?!

On July 18th, 2008, Kristin said:

I am not medicated but far from normal. Love your blog, found you through BlogherNOt! :) I find myself in all stages from time to time. Thank you for assigning them, now I can just say “I’m stage 2 right now, leave me alone” to anyone who asks.

On July 18th, 2008, pajama momma said:

I refuse to read or even comment on this post. I don’t have a problem ok? There’s no problem here. Nope. No need for an intervention.

I’m not even remotely similar to any of those stages!

THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM!

Why do you keep picking on me? That’s all it is, you’re singling me out.

I don’t need Blogger’s Anonymous.

Wait, they have a lot of coffee there don’t they?

On July 18th, 2008, Foolery said:

I’d like to suggest a sixth stage, which is where I live:

Blissed out and actively trying to alienate her readers. Or so it would seem.

Also? I self-medicate with Peanut M&Ms. And heroin.

On July 18th, 2008, This Mom said:

Can you be in ALL stages at one time??? Or do you think I am just movng through them VERY quickly???

On July 18th, 2008, McMommy said:

You.are.HYSTERICAL!!!

Why am I just stumbling across your blog now?!?! Thank God for BlogHerNot 2008 or else I would never know the goodness that is SDMomma.

On July 18th, 2008, MommyTime said:

DUDE! Celebrity baby names as butt synonyms would so rock the house as a post. I bet you would, like, totally get a gazillion hits on that one. (Also, you forgot the stage where one annoys the crap out of one’s blogging friends by suddenly reverting to teen skater-speak and other patterns of writing that have nothing to do with one’s actual voice. What stage is that? I might be in it…)

On July 18th, 2008, Cutie Booty Cakes said:

This is too funny. I don’t know what stage I am in I suppose stage 1 since I just started blogging and can’t seem to stop.

On July 18th, 2008, flickrlovr said:

I think I’m somewhere in between Stage 3 and 5. Trying to avoid Stage 4. Ditto to McMommy’s comment. I’m adding so many new bloggers to my blogroll tonight! Yeehaw.
Great post, Momma!

On July 19th, 2008, mommypie said:

LOL at MommyTime.

Doog.

On July 19th, 2008, Cactus Petunia said:

Oh, what the hell…I’m pretty sure I’m at stage 3, and I’m beginning to think God doesn’t wanna hear it!
Can I be at stages 3 and 4 simultaneously?
Maybe I’m not ready to be a REAL blogger yet.
What stage is it when you still think, maybe 10am is a bit early to start medicating?
Whine, sniffle…

On July 19th, 2008, Connie @v The Chronicles said:

That was so awesome!

I have been through all of the stages!

You rock!

On July 19th, 2008, Kelli said:

I think I go through all five of these stages on a daily basis. haha!

On July 20th, 2008, Kelly@SHE-POWER said:

I love this, though I hate that I am obviously a clone of many and therefore my worst nightmare: PREDICTABLE!

Kelly

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