One day last June, I wrote a post about things I like. Kind of like Oprah, but with way less mass appeal and melanin.
In particular, I liked this necklace:
And I threatened to pretty much dismember anybody who bought it (“now you have no neck! mwah ha ha! how you gonna wear that necklace without a neck? you neckless necklace stealer! and Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers!”) (you’re all ignoring me, right?) because I’ve been window shopping it for almost a year. A year! So it made total sense that I would post its unrivaled golden beauty for all to covet on my public site.
But when I recently went to jewelry designer Kelly Meeker’s site and saw this:
(it says SOLD OUT)
…vindictive rage swept over me and I began to deploy my “destroy person who bought MY necklace” plan.
And right when I got to the part where I’d put saran wrap over all their toilets, I received and opened this:
And then I did this:
And a smidgeon of this:
I even got a passerby compliment ALREADY and I’ve only owned this necklace for two hours.
I KNEW it would change my life.
My good friend Ellen sent this to me as a thank-you for her recent visit, for which she’d already given me gifts and sent appreciation cards, a photo CD and warm regards.
And so thank you Ellen, for being my friend for more than 24 years, for letting me stretch your size 6 jelly shoes over my size 8 feet at that one basketball game, for letting me pick out the rugby you wore on your first date with John Quinn, for introducing me to Frito Lay’s Chili Cheese chips, and for not ditching me altogether after I talked Brad Hartman into driving us home the night he jumped the median and nearly killed us all.
I’m glad we lived long enough for you to send me this necklace.
But most of all, thanks for your thoughtfulness, and for being the kind of person who remembers birthdays and anniversaries, even for people like me who always forget, and for always thinking of making others happy (even when they don’t deserve it).