Note to Playtex’s R&D Dept.: More Grip, Less Glide

Lots of frolicking on the beach today! People everywhere! Toddlers running, kids romping, teens lounging. Wow! Just throngs of humanity. And you, there in the thick of it all, real close to the beach, up front where everyone can see you, just gallivanting, gallivanting. Splashing to and fro, chasing your kids, jumping up and down. Why, you felt alive! Energetic even.


Right up until the point when your tampon fell out. From inside your body.


29 Responses to “Note to Playtex’s R&D Dept.: More Grip, Less Glide”

  1. Vered says:

    OMG I didn’t see that coming.

    I bet you didn’t either. :)

  2. Steph says:

    Oh, dear. I’m really, really hoping that you’re talking about someone else. Because if it happened to you, I love you entirely too much to let you know that I’m laughing hard enough that the dog is considering whether or not now is the time to learn to call 911.

  3. I think I’m kind of glad I went to Reptile Haven today instead of the beach!

  4. dude, WTF?!

    btw, i’m totally with you on the more grip, less glide thing.

    love you and will miss you over the next 7+ days while i am away with the in-laws. see you on 6/29. :)

  5. San Diego Momma says:

    Yes, Steph. It WAS me. I had to adopt the second person perspective to distance myself from the event. Of course, “you” is also the person who tried to roll the offending tampon in the sand, then realized that whoever uncovered it would be sorry indeed, so I swiped it up and stuck it in my bagel bag.

    It’s still there.

  6. Deborah says:

    OMG. Too funny. When they made you, they definitely broke the mold.

  7. pajama momma says:

    Bwahaha hahaha hahahahaha!

  8. deb says:

    I had a mouth full of water when I read this. You should have some kind of warning included at the beginning of your email to prevent choking on liquids while reading.

  9. Melanie says:

    I can honestly say, that’s never happened to me before. And despite how much I’m laughing, know that I DO feel really bad for you. Please tell me the bagel bag didn’t make it back into the house?

  10. Jill says:

    Oh my goodness… I want to be sarcastic here, but I don’t know your blog well enough yet to make super silly comments. :)

    So until then, holy grossness batman… good thing your kids didn’t notice it falling out.

    When my girls see me wearing one, my 3 year old always goes for the “tug”… and she wonders why she always gets a time out for it.

  11. I’m going to rot in hell for laughing my butt off at this one. I am sorry. Really. I’ll comment more sincerely if I can stop laughing….you are the bravest of the brave to admit this one on a blog post! You Rock, truly!

  12. myra says:

    not really. really? this could only happen to you deb. you know we’re laughing with you. (with is italicized)

  13. Clink says:

    Bahahahaa. Choking. On. Breakfast.

  14. Da Goddess says:

    Not that I’ve had to use any feminine hygiene products for a while (is it ten years already???), but switch to OB. The expand in width, not length, which offers you more protection and fewer slip out incidences. As well, there’s little in the way of trash, which is good for the environment.

    So, to maybe mitigate a bit of your embarrassment, let me just say that the summer between 8th grade and 9th, I was at the pool with my friend Robin and we were sitting on the lounge chairs, surrounded by guys, and Robin suddenly went and splashed me big time. I got mad because I was trying to dry off since my mom was on her way to pick me up. I think I yelled something smart like, “what the hell do you think you’re doing? My mom’s gonna kill me if I’m all wet.” Robin said nothing but gave me a look that I didn’t understand. Anyhow, a few minutes later, she did the same damn thing again. At this point, I jumped up, wrapped my towel around me, gave her a dirty look, and gathered my things so I could go wait out in front of the swim club. Mom showed up, I got in, and while I waited for my mom as she ran an errand, I noticed I felt sort of squishy. I got out of the car, towel still on the seat, and noticed blood. I’d started my freakin’ period and didn’t even know. Once I got home, I called Robin and told her and she said, “why the fuck do you think I was throwing water at you? I didn’t want you to stand up and leave a bloody spot on the chair behind you, you twit.”

    Then there was the time at the beach with the tampon string dangling from bathing suit.

    ah, good times.

  15. wow – that is SO crazy! how in the hell would that happen anyway? unless the person wasn’t wearing….really? ewwwwwwww!

  16. San Diego Momma says:

    To add more information to the too much information, let me just say that a dress, thong underwear, and a rogue wave were involved.

  17. pajama momma says:

    rogue waves are known to be quite dangerous. I hear they’ve taken many unsuspecting women’s tampons. Stay off those cliffs! Sometimes they’ve even taken whole people.

    I tell my kids they’re mom bandaids. nuff said

  18. Thanks for letting us laugh at you. Er. I mean with you.

    Like the Da Godess that stuff happens! I remember leaving a red spot on the cafeteria seat in 8th grade. I could have just died.

  19. Angela says:

    Reason # 258 that I am happy I had a hysterectomy…LOL.

  20. […] We’re working on putting her back together bigger, stronger, and faster than before. Well, maybe not bigger. But definitely without a vagina. […]

  21. tinsenpup says:

    Ergh! The things we have to put up with…

  22. Heather says:

    Great story! Wowza!

    I ditto the OB’s. Those other brands are too long. Even before three kids, I could not keep them in’s not the width of the space….it’s the depth. :)

  23. mommypie says:

    BAHAHA! I hold you responsible for the asthma attack I’m now experiencing.

    That was HILARIOUS.

  24. Jamie says:

    Shut up.

    I’m not a big fan of the abbreviations that I can’t figure out in comments, but this one deserves one: ROTFLMAO.

    F*ing awesome!

  25. kate says:

    oh, do you want to borrow my “and then my head exploded. the end.” label for this post?

  26. kate says:


    holy fuck.

    you can delete this comment for the f**k, but come on. it had to be said.

  27. […] the hell she is) and my mind wandered back to my poo posts and my mucous poems and that one time my tampon fell out at the beach. I’ve got friends and some family who read this blog and so I find myself always evaluating […]

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