May 23rd, 2008
Please note that these are not horror (although “The Descent” has some gore), they’re just spooky. Whole different vibe.
Not that you asked.
No really, you didn’t. So I’m just putting my scary movies up here to be spiteful.
And I’m sorry about that. But I went to Sea World today (Big Mistake) and had to park in aisle E3, which is in Mauritania practically, and then I waited in lines forever and it was raining and freezezing and the kids were chucking Pepperidge Farm goldfish at each other and ALL I wanted to do was go home and pour coffee and Raisinets all over myself, but I’d bribed the kids with popcorn and a show if we could just get the hell out of Sea World already, so I’m cranky.
And while I’m answering questions, I would like to address Tootsie Farklepants’s age spot.
I’d just like to say that at first I read the question (“Also? I seem to be getting the beginnings of an age spot ON MY FACE but I think it might be another hand. What say you?”) as if she were growing a third hand. Seriously, I thought that. I’m telling you: snotviruses giganticus is consuming my medulla.
But in all real seriousness, I’d like to talk about what I did for my facial age spot:
I had it burned off.
But first, I tried Retin-A, which has worked on my forehead age spots beautifully. Then, when it didn’t work on the brown hand on my cheek, I went to my trusty esthetician, who told me she would burn it off for me.
And that’s what she did.
And now it’s gone.
But first: consider the esthetician. If you found her in the back of some magazine advertising $10 facials and a tuna salad lunch, forgo her treatments. On the other hand, if you have my esthetician, who is seriously awesome, and is a medical esthetician (she works in a plastic surgeon’s office and some days it’s all I can do to not pocket some Botox syringes), then you might want to ask her to burn your age spot off.
She will most likely apply a dot of trichloroacetic acid to your age spot, after which it will grow exponentially and look hideous and crusty. Then, in a week, it will flake off and you will want to use trichloroacetic for all your ills: nasal hair, ear wax, pesky neighbors.
I spent some time using the skin lighteners on the market, but then I read that they can poison your liver and I’m way too hypochrondriacal for that.
So that’s my advice. But please consider the source.