San Diego Momma. A San Diego Mom Blogger.

About Me

I'm a mom, wife, writer and soul searcher who colors life with words.

 

Learn More

 
 

Flickr

flickrsdmsidebar
 

Kitchen Sink

Uphill All The Way

May 7th, 2008

Disclaimer: Abandon hope, all ye who enter here, of carefully constructed sentences, relevant points, or peaceful easy feelings.

 

If I were a cartoon or bit character in “Bewitched,” there’d totally be a dark cloud hovering over my head. I really need to look into this Sag-Scorp cuspy deal, because now I’m thinking there’s something to it. My signs are stuck in some sort of universe vortex and can’t get out.

 

My daily goings-ons today counted as minor and mom-like, but every single one presented a problem. Case(s) in point:

 

Early on, I promised Toots hot chocolate. (This, after she sadly noted that I work too much and vowed that when she grows up to be a “cop mom,” she’s not going to work.)

(So much for the public’s safety.)

(Then, she called my husband and after he asked what she’d be doing today, said, “Oh nothing. I’m with mommy and we’ll probably stay in the house all day.”)

 

OUCH.

 

So the hot chocolate, which I know doesn’t count as really “doing something,” but at least it’d put a check in my mom column, and the library. (See? I can’t even make sentences this week.)
We leave, slightly exhilarated, and stop at the coffee shop across the street from the library.

And.

It’s closed.

For.

No reason.

 

OK fine. I pick up my rock, tumbling quickly downhill, and push it back up the mountain.
And sure enough, across the parking lot, I spy a cupcake store. Promising, right? Cupcakes and hot chocolate? Like Sonny and Cher?

 

But no. No Sonny. No Cher. No. No. No. (Damn you universe vortex)

 

Then, back in the car to Honey Cafe, which sounds like a place that bathes its patrons in vats of hot chocolate, while Alice and Flo bicker goodnaturedly in the background. And guess what? It’s open! I follow the helpful “Park Here” sign, with the emblazoned RED ARROW and turn into the lot. It’d be a welcoming lot, really, if not for the huge warning signs alerting me to the fact that I CAN NOT PARK HERE and if I try, I will be shot, tarred, feathered, then dragged through town by a wild stallion. Normally, I’d be up for a little rough and tumble, but I’ve got the kids and as Toots will tell you, they’re already emotionally damaged by my never doing anything and working all the time, so I leave.

 

That is, I try to leave. See, it’s a small parking lot, quite narrow and sucketh of my ass, so I have to turn around. But there’s this truck, right? and it’s pissed that I’m in its personal space of manly vehicularness, so it’s not moving, and I can’t go anywhere. Right about this time, both kids begin to wail in the back seat and I’m about to rend my garments.

 

Finally, I manage to look so terrifyingly pissed off, that TruckAr, Great Big Dick of Fordopia, lets me pass.

 

And I exit the lot to find there’s no parking for Honey Cafe anywhere, despite the helpful, pointless PARK HERE sign, so I finagle a spot a few streets away, walk to the cafe with kids in tow, who both decide to stop often in the middle of the street and in front of moving cars, to find the cafe is NOW CLOSED.

In the space of time it took me to walk there.

Now I feel like a trio of my nemesises have cast a shit loop spell on me, so I’m reliving the same bad luck again and again and again.

 

And so we forgo the hot chocolate (the kids did not forgo quietly), and drive to the library.

And guess what?? No, guess! Come on, just guess!

 

Uh-huh. IT’S CLOSED! AT NOON ON A WEDNESDAY!

 

That’s fine. Again, I stop my rock, quickly sliding downhill, and with all my might, start rolling it up the mountain, and cross the street to Coastal Sage, a store that promises Fun! For Kids!

This could work. Maybe, just maybe, noon signals the end of my astrological confluence of crap or the shit loop spell, and I’ll be popped out of hell into a perfectly lovely beach merchandise shop.

 

But, it’s not to be, not to be.

Because, it too, like everything else this day, is closed.

 

Have I mentioned it’s a Wednesday? At noon? Seems retailers in my area need some sales instruction. And because I’m not vindictive, here’s lesson #1: BE OPEN.

 

I really and truly cannot stand my life right now, so just before I crumple into a ball at my daughter’s feet and beseech them to “just go on without me,” I see a doughnut shop and there, in the window? A picture of hot chocolate. And a banana split. And a gallon of ice cream.

How serendipitous.

All my favorite things in ONE STORE!

 

Ah, I got you, right? You thought it’d be closed?

Oh you pessimistic naysaying people. It’s not closed.

No, no, no, It’s just that they only take cash.

And it’s just that I never have cash.

But I actually DID have cash the night before, but I gave it to some anti-global warming petitioner people who’d knocked on my door twice already and I was on a conference call, so I just ran downstairs and threw them every last dollar in my purse so they’d go away and fix the world already.

 

So, no dollars, no doughnuts.

No hot chocolate.

No ice cream.

No nothing.

 

Universe? KISS MY GRITS.

 

Oh OK, not EVERYTHING blows.

PROMPTuesday was pretty cool.

 

On May 7th, 2008, matteroffactmommy said:

Jeezus H. Krist!

while a funny read, i can only imagine what really transpired behind the wheel with your lovely children in-tow.

what a freaking DAY.

but hey, tomorrow’s another day and maybe the sun, moon and all the stars and planets shall align and ye shall have a wonderful day! ;)

On May 7th, 2008, Cheri said:

Oh, honey, you make your pain sound so funny. Wanna come over for hot chocolate? Bring the kiddos. We have toys. We’ll give the kids hot chocolate and toys and Dora DVDs and sit with our laptops and write.

On May 7th, 2008, Steph said:

Oh, Deb. Bless your heart! {{{}}}

On May 7th, 2008, Momma Mary said:

I have hot chocolate in my pantry. I bought it when I was PMSing. i have yet to open it. I also was PMSing last week and bought every. ice cream. treat. in costco. Okay, so not All of them, but one box. that’s close right? So, bring the kids, come on up here. It’s only a, uh, 10 hour drive. I think. Eh, whatev. I hope tomorrow is better!

On May 7th, 2008, Eden said:

Wow.

Just… wow.

On May 8th, 2008, Myra said:

does it start to get weird for you when i keep telling you how brilliant you are? anyway, i never knew it was so hard to buy hot chocolate in san diego. you’ll get your peaceful, easy feelings back today, i’m sure.

On May 8th, 2008, Clink said:

I think the time has come for a spa day. A nice foot rub and facial will make this all go away!

On May 8th, 2008, sandiegomomma.com » Blog Archive » Today: 100% Chance of Sun said:

[…] No more morosity. […]

On May 8th, 2008, Mommyrella said:

I’m seriously almost in tears and I feel a band of anxiety tightening around my heart. Usually I’m not that prone to empathy, but, arrrgh! I couldn’t even laugh, because I have ssoooooo been in your shoes waaaay too many times.

On May 8th, 2008, Jamie said:

I think it’s global warming.
Oh, it’s not.
Well then, I think it’s May Gray.
Not that either.
How about the fact that it’s not Girl Scout Cookie season anymore?
Hmmm, what could possibly be causing all the ruckus in the Universe?
Hmmm. I got nothing.
But I can tell you that I so often share the freakish misery, that we could start a colony.

(I don’t know what any of that meant either.)

On May 9th, 2008, mommypie said:

Oh I’ve so been there. (Sorry, I’m a bit behind in my blog reading …) Hopefully things haven’t been quite so crazed the past few days.

Totally thought of you today — The Banana Splits were on! I haven’t seen them FOREVER! I tried SO hard to get MP interested in them, mainly because I wanted to watch, but those old-fashioned guys held her attention all of 3 minutes. :(

On May 11th, 2008, Melissa said:

Oh, I have to apologize for laughing. I mean, I don’t want to laugh, because laughing at this moment in your life is a lot like poking myself with a stick on one of my bad days. But it’s good to hear I’m not alone. Take heart in that at least! All my best!

On May 16th, 2008, Da Goddess said:

Funny, but true…Dr. Bombay’s birthday was May 11.

And about that terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day? I think Wednesday was like that for everyone. It was the alignment of stars or something.

Leave a Comment