San Diego Momma. A San Diego Mom Blogger.

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I'm a mom, wife, writer and soul searcher who colors life with words.


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Kitchen Sink

Wherever You Go, There You Are

April 5th, 2008

Do you ever feel as if you’ve lost your sense of humor? Or worse, you never had one and nobody told you?


Or that you can’t write? Or that you have no voice?


That’s happened to me today.


I love reading blogs, but the problem is, I compare myself to everyone I read and find I’m not as funny, irreverent, deep, researchful, or to the point — OR I don’t miss the point enough, or at least miss it relevantly.


I don’t post insights, or recipes, or beauty tips or parenting advice or beautiful photos or quips or anecdotes or music suggestions or Civil War reenactments with Chiclets and lugnuts.


I’ve developed a problem. I want to be everybody. I want to do everything everybody does. I want to be as good, as writerly, as sarcastic, as insightful, as angry, as bipolar, as real.
And so that means, I don’t know who I am. Because I’m not going within to find out. I’m getting all external, looking outside for what makes me, me.


In this process of emulation, I’ve lost my voice. I don’t trust it. Because when I sit down to write, I’ve got another voice in my head and it says: “that person was funnier! that person was more authentic! that person is crazier!


I think this is a flavor of narcissism. I mean, who says I have to be hilarious? Or relevant? And if I’m not those things, why can’t that be OK?


Hold it. So is that insecurity then? Is insecurity better than narcissim? Because I want the personality defect that’s better.


That’s competitive. I’m competitive!


No, that doesn’t feel right either.


Maybe it’s just good old-fashioned multiple personality disorder.


Now that’d be bloggable. AND I wouldn’t have to worry about which voice I listen to.


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On April 5th, 2008, Momma Mary said:

Are we the same person? No, but it sounds close lately!

You have your own voice, and I love reading it!!

(And just in case.. don’t forget.. HEARING multiple voices is okay. It’s when you start to answer them that you get into trouble! ;) )

On April 5th, 2008, Jamie said:

I bet you tell your sweet little girls to grow up and be whatever THEY choose to be. I bet you tell them that they CAN do ANYTHING. I bet you believe it. I bet you BELIEVE in them.

So … try that on yourself.

(I had to drag friends over to the screen when I read your inspiring post about your Mom. THAT is a voice. That came from you.)

On April 5th, 2008, mommypie said:

I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way! It’s easy to lose sight of why we blog in the first place when we start to compare ourselves to others. Because there will always be someone ‘better.’

You, btw, are one of those ‘better’ ones. You, btw, are one of the ones I measure myself against. Lady, it’s hard to live up to YOU!

On April 6th, 2008, Jenn said:

I agree with mommypie and would like to add that, you’re original and really fun to read. I would of never thought of dressing my laundry up and write a creative blog about it in a million years! LOL

I take breaks from reading other blogs, when I feel I lost my voice. I think I need to write a “Purpose Statement”, like companies do, to keep me on track.

On April 6th, 2008, San Diego Momma said:

It’s really nice to wake up this morning and read these comments. Thanks everyone. Especially meaningful feedback considering the sources (you are all great).

I love the advice, too. Maybe a little palate cleansing would be good for me (but hard, so so hard!).

Thanks again. Really, really, truly.

Now I must change the ice in my husband’s ball pack.

On April 6th, 2008, SeaBird said:

I think everyone must feel that way at some time or another – and if they don’t, they have too much time on their hands to create Post Perfection! Personally, I really enjoy reading what you have to say and I’m glad I found your blog a couple months ago!

On April 7th, 2008, matteroffactmommy said:

Oh man! Now I’m bummed I didn’t really turn on the computer all weekend… I knew you wouldn’t let me down because you never do. I enjoy reading your thoughts. I’ve complimented your writing style before – poetic, deep, down-to-earth (my personal favorite trait in the whole wide world!)
oh, and re: narcissism. we are ALL a little narcissistic, regardless of whether or not we admit it, and to varying degrees. and that doesn’t have to be a BAD thing. (okay, i’m feeling a blog coming about this topic…)
re: the comparing yourself to all the other blogwriters out there… PUHLEEZE! try being someone like me who just rants and raves on topics having no real care for the english language and using small words and stuff. no idea why anyone reads my blog…


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