Menopause, Take 44!

Re-posting because it’s as true now as it was last month. And last year(s). And WHEN WILL IT JUST HAPPEN ALREADY?!


10 Signs You’re Approaching Menopause


1. Your boobs are 34C, your hips are 3.14 Pi.


2. Your upper lip is a Chia Pet.


3. Alaska hires your body to melt snow.


4. You affectionately refer to your vaginal canal as “The Road to Ishtar.”


5. The fluid retained by your stomach could solve California’s water crisis.


6. Motherf#ck you dickface!


7. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.


8. Sob! Sob! Sob!


9. Has anyone seen my keys, checkbook, kids, mail, car, purse, youth, or Jolene cream bleach?


10. The sky called. It wants your ass to plug the ozone layer.


3 thoughts on “Menopause, Take 44!”

  1. OMG – Dying. And laughing hysterically. (In a peeing my pants sort of way – not that I do that. At. All.)

    #s 6, 7, & 8 are my favorites! Motherf#ch you dickface! Holy crap! (Did I mention the peeing my pants?)

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