Looking for Signs

Why does YouTube always put the most rubber-faced, funhouse-mirrory frame at the beginning of every video?


I started this video again and again, tried to make it flow, attempted to sound more polished, took a shot at not doing that “thing” with my eyes, but I finally let it go. Given that this video is about receiving signs from our loved ones, I took the fact that my Flip ran out of juice and fell flat several times may mean my mom didn’t want me to share what I did. So I almost stopped. And then I kept on. So maybe it was a sign.


I’ve found that with some people who’ve suffered loss – myself among them – that the emotion is so heavy and oppressive that we keep it in lest we burden someone with our grief. Who wants to hear that I held my mom’s hand as she died? Who wants to know that after she passed away, I crawled into bed with her because I wasn’t ready for her to leave? That’s a lot to give someone, so I don’t say it. I never say it.


But it needs to be said. Even to myself in a room where I’m alone and whether there are ears to listen or not. This is what this video is for me.


I hope, I hope, that if you are missing someone you love this year, or any year, that you feel in your smallest bones you’re not alone. And that this time of year especially is so damn hard and it never feels like it used to and it’s OK to say that out loud.


This video is part of an effort named “Hugs for the Holidays,” which gives everyone and anyone who is grieving a loss some ears and hearts and hands behind you to hold you up. Please don’t grieve alone. I’m here. I want to know how you cry at night or how you imagine hugging someone who is no longer with you or how you run away or how you numb or how you do what you do.


And what who you loved meant to you.


Today there are link-ups (below) where you can comment and/or link up a post you have written about your loss — of a son, a daughter, a spouse, a father, a sister; of a brother or a friend or someone you loved so much your grief will always yell into the vast distance, always echoing, always echoing.



You can share anything you want about your loss: a link to a Facebook photo/post, a blog post about a particular memory, a Pinterest pin sharing how you cope, whatever you would like others to read or see. If you are not a blogger, you can write your memory in the comments of the blog.


On each blog listed below, you can read individual stories of loss and share your own story.


Meanwhile: keep going. You have so much soul love behind and in front of you.


If you have had a miscarriage, stillbirth or lost an infant link here: fourplusanangel.com

If you have lost your mom, link below!

Your dad, link here: mamamaryshow.com or deaddadsclub.com

Your sibling, link here: myinnerchick.com

A child, link here: aninchofgray.blogspot.com

Your spouse, link here: g*funk*ified

A friend, link here: kimtracyprince.com


There is also a special #HugsfortheHolidays Pinterest board with information for dealing with grief, and inspiration to help ease the pain during this season. Share your story.




Tell me. I’m listening.


(For days upon more days, I’ve cried about Newtown. There’s enough people writing about it, I don’t need to be another than to say I would gladly take the grief from each and every one of the moms and dads who lost their children, and from the sons and daughters and husbands who lost their mothers and friends and wives, and I’d carry it around for every day, if those killed could be here again.)


8 Responses to “Looking for Signs”

  1. —Where do I begin? My heart has just filled up w/ your inspiring, beatiful words. There is NO doubt in my mind and core that your mother is with you, will always be with you until the end of time..

    Since my sister’s murder 2 years ago, I have felt her cheek agaist my cheek (warm & soft) this has never left me. What keeps me going is KNOWING we will be together again one day laughing and loving one another…

    I thank God your mother is free of pain. I feel the same about my sister, Kay.

    Perhaps they are flying together in Paradise.

    Xx Love.

  2. Alexandra says:

    This is wonderful, thank you to all of you. I will be linking up with the deaddadclubs.

    What an odd thing to say …


  3. Mama Mary says:

    Thank you for sharing this, Deb! I love the analogy of walking through bubbles. I remember a day when I felt my dad and yes, that is what ut felt like. Love you, girl. xoxox

  4. Kizz says:

    Just so we’re clear on who wants to know all that? Me. I do. Yes.

  5. I’m kind of choked up by both your story and by the lovely gesture of sharing and offering consolation during this time of year. Bless you, Deb.

  6. SurferWife says:

    Oh, my heart. Deb, I want to squeeze and kick you in your shins all at once. But I mostly want to buy you a 7UP and quinoa. You are an amazing person.

  7. It will be a year on New Year’s Eve. I have wandered through this year in a semi fog, lack of attachment because I hold back the flood gates. I hold back the tears and the anger. The crawling in bed with her, do you know how many times as mom lay in her hospital bed I just wanted to lay in the crook of her arm with my head on her chest and cry?? I was wondering what I was going to write about today.. now I know

  8. Ok so now I watch the video.. and am sitting here blubbering like a baby. Oh and is there like a link list or do we just put it on the Pinterest place..

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