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Kitchen Sink

Shake a Hair Feather

November 4th, 2011

 

I found myself a little swept away the other day. It was Ladies Night at one of my favorite places, and there were all kinds of girly things: Paraffin waxes, cake balls, and hair feathers.

 

I know.

 

I’ve seen tons of kids at the elementary school rock the feathers, with a few choice (edgy cool) friends who wear it well, but I never seriously considered doing it myself.

 

What with the living in the suburbs and the almost-43 thing.

 

But I got a little bananas with the thinking I could be funky and what the heck! It was free. And what am I, dead? I can wear a feather, dammit. In my hair. Like the ten-year-olds do.

 

So after a bit of selection (blue? yellow? red?), I went with a tiger-stripe motif I think you’d all find charming.

 

At least I thought so. I mean, last night it sounded really really…I don’t know. Urban? Not dead-yet? I-can-still-rock-it?

 

I wasn’t sure where to put the feather, and so the woman applying it spent some time figuring location. At the side? Near the part? In the back?

 

No.” She decided. “I think you can take a front feather. You seem…um…”

 

But she didn’t finish the sentence, choosing instead to apply the feather smack dab above my ear.

 

Maybe that meant I was exceptionally…hip? And could pull off an ear feather?

 

BUT WHY DIDN’T SHE FINISH THE SENTENCE?

 

In addition, there was a cowlick or some such thing that prevented normalcy and caused the tiger feather to protrude violently into my face and waft up and down in time with every nostril breath exhalation.

 

 

So the dorky factor was HUGE.

 

The tiger feather applier assured me that the feather would calm down after a day or two, but she could flat iron it for me if sucking the feather into my mouth every time I breathed turned out to a problem.

 

Not being able to take in oxygen eventually became an issue and so I asked the tiger be-featherer to flat iron my new hair accessory. That stuck straight into my face at a 90-degree angle. Only problem was, there were no available electrical outlets, so for the next 45 minutes, I ran around Ladies Night with a flat iron, a protruberant tiger feather, and a regretful attitude.

 

Finally, finally, my friend (who had a cutefully applied feather that wasn’t encrusted with nasal juices) and I found an outlet and proceeded to flat iron the sheer crap out of my tiger feather.

 

I finally mustered the tiger courage to approach the nice feather lady again and tell her to please re-apply the feather somewhere 10 miles south of my cowlick.

 

And there it rests today.

 

Dorkfully.

 

On November 4th, 2011, Red Lotus Mama said:

First, you are so stylish and gorgeous that you could pretty much rock anything and look cool! Every time I see you I envy what you are wearing.

Second, that is hilarious! Sorry, but an out of control feather molesting your nose is pretty funny.

Rock the feather, mama! Animal print is so in right now, so I think you made a perfect choice. xo

On November 5th, 2011, Lori said:

I am laughing my head off

On November 5th, 2011, Chrisy said:

You look cool, not dorky. Kind of like a hot blonde Pocahontas. And? This was hilarious. XO

On November 5th, 2011, Sugar Jones said:

Only you could have such a hilarious story about the hip hair feather. That makes you UBER hip. ;)

On November 5th, 2011, Aunt Snow (g) said:

You look lovely.

On November 5th, 2011, Charlotte said:

Lol!!! So. Are we not suppose to wear the feathers of our youth (although this time not attached by a roach clip)

On November 5th, 2011, Allison said:

Hilarious post but you look great!

On November 5th, 2011, Alexandra said:

I think you look adorable..and very happy.

And I would’ve asked the hair feather specialist to “go on…” with her trailed off sentence.

On November 6th, 2011, tinsenpup said:

One out of one ten year olds surveyed declared the idea of a hair feather to be cool and awesome and did not say anything at all about an almost 43 year old wearing a hair feather being ‘weird’. So…um…that must be reassuring… :)

On November 6th, 2011, Marcia said:

Love the feather story. A friend of mine has one in her hair and it looks really nice. Your blog post is really funny—thanks for sharing!

On November 6th, 2011, Angie said:

Hilarious!! I won’t forget you, the feather and the flat iron!!!

On November 7th, 2011, julie gardner said:

Around here, ferociously hip and/or dorky suburban housewives say Grrrrr.

Or maybe that’s just me.

XO

On November 7th, 2011, Kathleen said:

Not Dorky at all. Just fun! Love it.

On November 7th, 2011, Wendy said:

I love it! I want one. But I’m not nearly as cool or sassy as you, my friend. I want to be invited to your next paraffin wax girls night out. #justsayin

On November 8th, 2011, Rory, Chocolate Hair / Vanilla Care said:

you look beautiful, and hopefully hilarity of the story you got out of it was worth all the “dorkiness!” :-)

On November 8th, 2011, Mama Bub said:

Oh, it’s cute! And I like that it’s kind of subtle, and not outrageous like some of the others I’ve seen.

On November 9th, 2011, Mama Mary said:

I think you look gorge! Can so pull off the feather.

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