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Kitchen Sink

Sh$t My Dad Makes

November 23rd, 2010

So I talked to my dad today.


And this is funny because he is funny in a gruff Shit My Dad Says way, and whenever I talk to him he makes me laugh.

Usually without meaning to.


Did I ever tell you the song he taught us kids when we were young? Stay tuned. It will follow below.


Meanwhile, when I asked my dad about the turkey I plan to “roast” (term used loosely) on Thanksgiving, he shouted, “Listen to me! Butter it, season it, then keep your damn hands off it!”


And when I laughed, he reiterated: “I’m telling you Deborah! Keep your damn hands off it!”


Then he told me to make fruit salad with maraschino cherries and Cool Whip.


And I pretended that I would, and he said he was going to send me something special that would really wow my guests on Thanksgiving Day.


Two hours later, this arrived in my email inbox:


Sweet Bourbon Corn Pudding

* 2 large eggs

* 3/4 cup evaporated milk

* 2 cups fresh or frozen corn kernels

* 2 tlbs. unsalted butter, melted

* 3 tbls. dark brown sugar

* 3 tbls. cornstarch, mixed with 2 tbls. bourbon & 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

* 1/4 teaspoons of salt

* 1/2 teaspoons of ground white pepper


1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and butter an 8″ square baking dish.

2. Whisk together the eggs and the milk. Stir in the remaining ingredients.

3. Pour the mixture into the baking dish. Bake 45 to 48 minutes, or until lightly browned. Serve warm.


Cheese Bread

* 2 1/2 cups extra sharp cheddar cheese

* 1/2 cups milk & three eggs along with one tablespoon dry mustard

* 6 slices or add accordingly for larger portions slices of white bread (Wonder works best)


1. Whip eggs, milk, & mustard.

2. Layer cubed cheese on bread.

3. Start with bread, end w/cheese.

4. Pour liquid over all

5. Bake at 375 degrees for 40 minutes


Bake the above while singing the below, courtesy of my dad:


Polly went out to milk the cow, Polly Vouz

Polly went out to milk the cow, Polly Vouz

She missed the tit and pulled the tail

and all the shit went in the pail

Hinky Dinky Polly Vouz.


Happy Thanksgiving! And for God’s sake, keep your damn hands off that turkey!


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On November 23rd, 2010, Ami said:

lol!! My dad taught us ‘You Dirty Tourist, Get Outa My Way’

And ‘He Said The World Was Round, Oh’ There’s more to that one but I don’t want to offend anyone.

I never touch my turkey.
My husband occasionally touches his chicken.

On November 23rd, 2010, Ami said:

PS… I make White Trash Fruit Salad almost every year.

Yum. Once a year.

On November 24th, 2010, Laural Out Loud said:

You can find all of those recipes, and more!, at one of my relatives’ Thanksgiving dinner. Almost everything quivers. It’s a hoot.

On November 24th, 2010, green girl in wisconsin said:

He’s a funny man, your dad. LUFF that little rhyme.

On November 24th, 2010, Laurie Ann said:

I cannot repeat any of the songs my dad taught us, but needless to say he and your dad would get along great. I’m totally making those recipes for my Thanksgiving gathering, or perhaps the next office potluck. They already think I’m a hillbilly. Plus, bourbon? Can’t go wrong there.

On November 24th, 2010, Crystal said:

HA! That’s some funny sh$t right there! ;) He kinda sounds like Zeke, the dad from my favoritist show Parenthood.
My grandpa is always saying hilarious stuff – I keep telling him he should go be a standup comedian in his Golden Years. He says they are no longer Golden, more like Rust. ;)

On November 24th, 2010, jessica said:

I say that to every man I have ever dated.

On November 25th, 2010, Cactus Petunia said:

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! (and tell your dad there’s not nearly enough bourbon in that corn pudding)

On November 25th, 2010, jtcricket said:

This makes me miss my Dad, but he didn’t really cook. He did, however, like to eat. I think h would have liked the corn pudding thing, but maybe more bourbon, on the side, hahaha. Happy Thanksgiving!

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