Summer Vacation Survival Tips for the Mother of Smallish Children

(This is my PROMPTuesday submission)

Oh summer. What wondrous times of blue skies, bike rides, and 400 loads of chlorinated laundry. Such good, good memories. The house resounding with the chorus of “mommy can I?” and sibling rivalries. Visions of goldfish crackers and the Yo Gabba Gabba dild0 circling in your mind (which you unceremoniously lost on June 25). Smells of unflushed toilets and sunscreen spilled on the carpet wafting toward your regularly assaulted nose. The innocent touch of Tootsie Pop remnants stuck to the bottom of your bare foot.

Summer. Ah yes. Summer.

And you, but a shell of the woman you used to be, wonder how you can survive until August 25.

Consider these helpful and realistic tips:

1) Go for a run.

Somewhere like anywhere but home sounds nice. Maybe you can do a Forrest Gump and trek across the nation. Just be sure to call your family from Idaho’s back country and check in.

2) Eat nutritious, balanced meals.

Try half a hot dog from your four-year-old’s Wonder Pets plate, some cheese stick from your six-year-old’s mud pie, and a sip of the smoothie you left in your car overnight.

3) Get plenty of sleep.

Be sure to nap from midnight to 3AM. Then wake up and enjoy the day! Three until six in the morning is the only time you have to yourself.

4) Go shopping!

Join the other shell-shocked, zombie moms trolling the Target aisles for summer essentials like boxed wine and Little Debbie snack cakes that you eat in one sitting during your 3-6AM “special” time.

5) Plan a date night.

Circle the night on your calendar and make it a real event. I recommend meeting your friends for a romantic mutual commiseration session. But be careful! These kinda nights can get a little steamy! Plan accordingly by drinking plenty of liquids.

6) Have a sense of humor.

The only serious tip I got.

Enjoy!