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Kitchen Sink

Flannel and Cotton Briefs

March 29th, 2010

As I sit laptopping in the local coffee shop, just tip-typin’ away, wearing my favorite gray moth-eaten sweater, misshapen tunic and faded jeans, I can’t help but think back to my full-time working days. Oh lo, those days. I could visit three cubicles in six seconds wearing 3-inch heels and an 85-lb. Franklin Planner. I was faster than a speeding Starbucks. More powerful than a Xerox copier. Able to leapfrog 38 meetings in a single bound. All while not looking like a hobo.

 

Now. Now? I superglue my wobbly flip flops to pick the kids up at school, and more often than not, I spend the day unshowered working on my couch. I wouldn’t know a “paradigm shift” if it hit me upside the ass, and I sure as hell no longer recognize myself in navy blue pinstripe. What happened? I’m pretty sure it’s that I relaxed into not having anywhere to be, no one to see my unwashed hair, and nothing to prove. (Retraction: There is my husband. He kinda cares about the hair sometimes. Especially when the Black Forest sprouts overnight on my calves.)

 

These days, it’s so easy to be comfortable. But I used to not know a thing about it. When I quit work in 2007 to freelance from home, I browsed the thrift stores and Ebay for the kind of apparel “people who didn’t work in an office” wore. Why, I had no idea. I was thinking jeans, t-shirts and tennis shoes, but I didn’t really own many of those things, and certainly not enough for seven full days of non-suit-wearing. I wanted to be cute, yes, maybe wear a fancy print tee, some faux athletic shoes with a bit of glitter, but nothing constricting or God forbid, corporate. So there I was, collecting 100% cotton wear and rubber-soled this n’ that. For awhile, it was good fun. Until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today.

 

I’m the first to admit I may have taken it a bit too far. I’d prefer NOT to get up earlier than usual in the already madcap mornings to take a shower, so I do this thing with my chicken fluff hair where “thing” equals gather it up into a mullet-like ponytail, usually using some kid implement to hold my flimsy strands in place. Then the clothes. Looking cute is sooooooo much work. And as I age, it’s getting a whole heck of a lot harder. So most days, I don’t bother. Instead I throw some old jeans over my now-unelasticized underwear and call myself dressed. Occasionally, I’ll grab a clean shirt, but more like I wear my wine-stained pajama shirt and drape a sweater over it so no one can tell.

 

I really didn’t think there was anything wrong with my morning ensembles, especially when I run into some moms still actually wearing their pajamas WITHOUT a sweater to hide the ugly fact. But, but, but. Today. And the mirror. The mullet. The Cinderella scrunchy. The oatmeal-curded t-shirt. There was no denying the fact:

I needed to go shopping at J. Crew get a job.

 

I fear it is the only way I won’t turn into a full-on comfort troll.

 

Anyone you know looking for a couch potato

former superishwoman

reality TV show critic

cheesecake analyzer

screw-off blogger

somebody to do something important and high-earning?

 

If you hire me, I won’t do that thing with my hair.

 

Unless it’s Casual Friday.

 

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On March 29th, 2010, Smalltown Mom said:

Good luck!

When I quit the corporate world in (aaak, it’s 10 years ago already!), I had no casual clothes either. How things change.

On March 29th, 2010, rimarama said:

The fact that you have a wine stained pajama top makes me want to be your best friend.

On March 29th, 2010, Trish Has 3 Girls said:

This is why I avoid mirrors at all costs. And if I am going to be going out, I make myself put in the effort to get cute.

On March 29th, 2010, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

I have shared my brushing-baby-powder-in-the- hair-in-between-washing trick, right? Don’t tell anyone else. I wouldn’t want people to think poorly of my grooming habits.

Also? This one time? I got into Jamie’s car, and she said, “Why do I smell baby powder?” True story.

On March 29th, 2010, Cactus Petunia said:

Hey, don’t look at me…I’ve been self-employed for six years now, which means I’ve been way UNDER-employed for the most part. I’m in a state of panic at the moment because I’ve been booked to work on a job for an ENTIRE WEEK, and I just realized I only have enough clothes that aren’t paint splattered or wine stained or moth eaten to wear for three days.

On the other hand, I’m all set for Casual Friday.

On March 29th, 2010, Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin said:

Wine-stained pajamas? What DID I tell you about wine in bed?

One of my favourite past-times is coffeeing in a laptop shop…

On March 30th, 2010, green girl in Wisconsin said:

we have the same problems–looking cute IS so much work. I’d totally hire a stylist (after I’d hire a personal chef because I hate to cook). I don’t know what to wear and I hate to shop–a deadly combination. Thank God I’m not sporting a mullet…but if that’s my only saving grace…

On April 3rd, 2010, Laurie said:

Laughing at this! I am so like you – and lately I definitely have been feeling like a mess that needs to remember how to dress nice at least once a week or something!

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