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Kitchen Sink

Online Detox

March 17th, 2010

I’ve been online too much. Too too much. There’s the Twitter and the Facebook and the blog and the other people’s blogs and the Skype and the email and the other email. I think in terms of “can I blog this” and when my mind is blank of post fodder, I wallow in existential misery. Oh! And my mood is dictated by comments and wondering if people like me and if I’m in “the circle” and holy crap! It’s gotta stop. But the blog conferences! Should I go here or there? Or over to that one? WHAT ABOUT THAT OTHER ONE? Will people forget me if I don’t post for several days? Do they EVEN CARE?

 

I got it bad.

BAD bad.

 

The problem? I am insecure.

 

Sometimes I reflect that blogging isn’t for the insecure.

 

Because the insecure only get more insecure.

 

I would like to stop using the word “insecure” now.

 

Unless you don’t want me to?

 

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!

 

My whole problem is that I need external validation. It’s like a drug. The kind of drug that wears off after four hours and you need another teaspoonful at regular intervals. Then before you know it, you’re visiting opium dens for your next fix. And you think…but my habit just started with Children’s Tylenol. Really? Now I’m shooting opium? There’s never enough validation for the insecure is my medicinal point that makes no sense whatsoever.

 

So while I work on bringing the locus of my validation inside (I just made that up) (opium. such a wily drug.), I wanted to share something helpful with those of you who might be online too much too.

 

WHAT TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE THINKS YOU’RE SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ONLINE

 

1. I’m going to make money off this blog someday and you can retire and stay home with the kids while I traipse around the country promoting my new book comprised entirely of random opium blog posts.

 

2. I’m not online. I’m working.

 

3. There is no #3. I’ve found that only #1 and #2 are effective.

 

You’re welcome.

 

On March 17th, 2010, Marsha said:

Oh thank goodness I am not alone on this boat! I could not have described the insanity any better. I love the injection of humor too because we have to laugh at our own craziness :-) Yes, it is definitely working and not just surfing the net! Blog, money, happy future… yes.

On March 17th, 2010, Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said:

External validation is a two edged sword. For me, as a SAHM it’s hard to feel the things I do are being noticed and deemed important.

When I had a desk job, I could get pats on n the back and recognition in the newsletter or the company meeting. But now, I don’t get a “hey, the sink is really sparkly today!”

It’s nice to have someone recognize the things we do and write and those “virtual” pats on the back feel pretty good.

Don’t beat yourself up. Take a break, unplug when you need it and stay out of the over the counter aisles.

On March 17th, 2010, Danielle said:

I like you. I like your blog posts. And you’re not alone,I also feel that way about my blog. I get kind of depressed when I don’t have any comments. And then I start thinking maybe I suck, maybe no one wants to read my shitty posts. And then it starts the maybe I should put more effort into my blog, it’s just a plain blah, boring Blogger template and all the others I look at are cool and snazzy and mine is crap. And then what can I do to get more readers, which brings me back to reading my shitty posts and blah template. And then I think maybe I should just hang it up. But then I think I do enjoy the writing. It’s a damn annoying circle I get myself in.

On March 17th, 2010, becky said:

Oh my yes. I so want to be liked and a part of things, a part of a community. And I keep beating myself up because I feel I’m just not cutting it. Why don’t I get comments? Why am I not connecting with others through my blog? It’s enough to drive you crazy.

But I like you! I really do!

On March 17th, 2010, Smalltown Mom said:

We all want to have those Sally Field moments. (And I typed that before I saw that link under the Kitchen Sink.)

On March 17th, 2010, JenniferfromLaJolla said:

Man, I was sweating this post until the very end. I was afraid you were going to say that you are taking a self-imposed break from online activities. And I was going to be seriously bummed! You are my new best friend–remember? You told me so on Twitter (think I can find that tweet if you need me to). What would I do if all of a sudden you checked out?!! Think of me!! My feelings!! My needs!

Seriously, (not that I wasn’t being serious, because I was) I understand exactly what you mean.

On March 17th, 2010, Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

I have never been so externally validated as I am in my current job. Having your students (teenagers!) tell you they love you is quite addicting.

I’ve told my own kids that they need to step up their game because I’m getting used to a certain level of daily admiration. They don’t care.

On March 17th, 2010, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

My husband does not complain about me being online in the evening after our kid is in bed because when I am I’m quieter. Heh.
The exception to his generally non-complain-y-ness is when he wants to me to join him in watching 24, Lost, Survivor, Flash Forward, Dexter . . . you get the drift.

On March 17th, 2010, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Oh, so, number 3 then is:

3. I’m being quiet.

On March 17th, 2010, Cactus Petunia said:

Why didn’t you think of this months ago, before I lost my mojo?! My husband was complaining about my hours on the computer, and I figured I’d back off for awhile. Now I’m ready to stand up on my desk and wave a UNION sign. What do you think? Should we start a union?

On March 17th, 2010, San Diego Momma said:

Union! Yes. A union.

It just could work.

On March 18th, 2010, vodkamom said:

I am in the SAME BOAT.

I DO limit my time now. DANG.

xxx

On March 18th, 2010, 3kidsandabreakdown said:

I definitely know the feeling of thinking I’m on the computer way too much. But, we blog. We have to read other blogs for inspiration and ideas. Checking email, fb and that other email are just facts of a modern life. It is good to take a break now and again, but I don’t think we can completely give it up, nor should we have to. I also relate to the feelings of insecurity. But, I think that makes us better bloggers (writers), because we are continually trying to improve ourselves and our writing. Hang in there! I was just thinking what a roll you’ve been on posting and how much I look forward to your new posts.

On March 18th, 2010, MomZombie said:

There is so much to love about the Internet and blogging. There is also much to dislike. I try to focus on the good stuff (the writers and sites I enjoy) and steer clear of the petty gossip, politics and damned stats that somehow are supposed put us all in our places. I think Facebook is the No. 1 offender.When I spend time online for the wrong reasons, I feel it physically. It feels like a dirty addiction.
No. 3 in our house: “I’m doing research.”
We both know it’s a lie but we accept it.

On March 19th, 2010, green girl in Wisconsin said:

Ah, these are all the reasons why I don’t twitter or facebook–I know my limits.

On March 20th, 2010, Mama Mary said:

My name is Mama Mary and I am a OnlineAholic.

BTW, Have The Rock and G$ been talking?

On March 22nd, 2010, Mary said:

I used to be. What cured me was having a second child. But now she is napping. And the first one is in school. I secretly suspect that the addiction is returning!!

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