Identity Confirmation

Nice of me to check in, isn’t it? Truth is, I’ve been paralyzed writing-wise. There’s been so much I want to write, but am over-thinking due to people I know now read this blog. There’s so many to please! Or at least not piss off. The one friend over here hates when I self deprecate, the one over there thinks I’m too saucy, and on it goes. Some people want me to be careful about how I appear to potential advertisers, others prefer I don’t complain so damn much. It’s too much data for my brain. I can’t possibly remember what everyone wants me to do and I DON’T WANT TO REMEMBER even if I could.


Sure I’m a people pleaser. Always have been. But the one thing, the ONE thing I do not care to please you about is how I write my blog. This is the truth. It’s hard enough to remain true to myself, I don’t want to muck it all up by worrying what “you” think.


And what do “you” think? Well, here’s the main feedback I receive from loved ones:


You’re too open.


Oh I sense stuff. I know that some people have pulled away from me because I share too much on this blog. Good friends, a family member or two. It makes them uncomfortable. I worry about that, I don’t like it, I second guess myself, but I cannot be any other way. It’s futile for me to resist. I over share in real life and by God, I will do so on my blog. I always hated it when people denied being occasionally frustrated with their husband or kids or having panic attacks or feeling overwhelmed by life sometimes or anything else deemed “imperfect.” I hate it because it is these things that make us human and to share them, reminds us all that we are not alone and you my friend, are not perfect either, and IT IS OK. It’s a disservice to yourself and to others to pretend otherwise. I get respecting boundaries on a public forum, I really do, and I’m not frowning upon those that choose not to share for reasons of privacy, etc. Rather I am saying, if I choose to share, that is my personal decision. I’m a confessional blogger, I am going to act like it!


I mean really, what do I have to hide? (Well plenty of things, but I’m sure I’ll get around to writing them for public consumption soon.) I suppose it comes down to authenticity. I like real people. Be real, and I will puppy dog you for life. I in turn will be real for you.


Still, let me say…”you” can choose to write and share how much you want. Just be authentic about it. (I think this is why I don’t like most product reviews.)


You’re insecure and self deprecating.


Why yes I am! Remember that real stuff above? Insecurity is a big part of my personality. I continually work on it, but where I am on the road to self-actualization isn’t for you to judge. And as long as I feel it, I will write it. That’s the kind of person (and blogger) I am.


Your content isn’t pleasing to advertisers and sponsors.


Who am I writing for here? This blog is a reflection of me, and I hope it will attract a gaggle of silly, intense, pensive, creative over-sharers who appreciate authenticity. I don’t write for baby wipe manufacturers. I will however, take advertising, because I am perfectly fine with respecting the editorial-advertising separation, as long as the advertiser is promoting something I would use myself. I will also do giveaways, because I like to give you stuff you might like. But write sponsored posts? Doesn’t feel real.


To that end, my very supportive husband who lets me be me mostly, recently suggested that I start a product review-type blog, which would be more of an advertiser fit, and allow me to funnel PR requests I receive. And you know what? I may. There are many things I would like to review in my weird and snarky way, and as long as I can review San Diego Momma-style, I’m OK with that. Review in the vanilla, faux cheerleader way I see so much of these days? No hell way. I’m seeing too many soul-less reviews on blogs lately. I like my soul. I want it to shine through, flawed and cracky though it may be.


You’re not tailoring your content to what people want to read.


I don’t know what that is! Can’t I just be myself? I understand that professional blogs, branded blogs, and blogs with-a-purpose need to deliver informative, useful content. But there’s still a place for “just a person” blogs, right?


Often, I tell myself that if I follow my gut, and write what and how I want to, good things will come. Perhaps I will someday achieve my goal supporting my family simply through writing just because I am who I am.


Is that so terribly naive?


Something in me says it’s not. And that something isn’t letting go.*


*This post is sponsored by San Diego Momma’s existential crisis.


18 Responses to “Identity Confirmation”

  1. Maria says:

    well said. and i have the problem about sharing. i see in my stats people searching for my blog. (in-laws mostly) and sometimes it worries me alot. i stated to blog since dec 06. before i got married! so there is some crazy stuff lol i even made blog private for a few months till i decided that hey it is who i am and if they care to read it then i should let them! lol

  2. adrianne says:

    amen! when i had a blog, the few family members and close friends who knew about it would say the thing about me being too open and authentic. i am like that in real life, why can’t i be like that on my blog? not only do i hate product reviews for the authenticity reason, but i also hate people – not just bloggers – who don’t talk about the real stuff! the real stuff like being annoyed with your spouse or feeling trapped in the house with needy infant. we all feel these things! why is it so bad to talk about it?!

    anyway, i love you for you. and i haven’t even met you. so at least you have that… :)

  3. Your thought processes sound completely reasonable and well though out.

    I think over-sharing gets a bad rap. I cannot tell you how much invaluable info I haven’t gotten from others when I was over-sharing. Information that really helped me that I would not have had if I was more close-mouthed.

  4. De says:

    the people who have a problem, whatever it is, aren’t bloggers and don’t read other blogs, am I right? There are so many people out there who don’t “get” it.

  5. MissM says:

    Ignore them. All of them. This is YOUR space and you should write how and what you want. Let them write what they want on their blogs. I love your writing exactly how it has always been. I think you are wonderful.

  6. Rabea says:

    Great post! Especially the part about being real and admitting to our imperfections – that’s what makes us who we are, and anyone who always displays themselves & their life as “perfect” is only lying to themselves and everyone around them. Real life is messy, sometimes overwhelming, often filled with ups & downs….far from perfect. The best thing about someone else showing their true self, is being able to relate and finally feeling like you’re not alone :)

  7. Glynn says:

    hell ya! you go

  8. Amanda says:

    I want to hug you for this post! I remember emailing you 2 years ago asking what you did with product review requests. I never really did them, because the reasons you mentioned. Who knew 2 years later product reviews would have become so huge! I think a separate blog is a good idea.

    I love reading your encouragement here to be more real. I struggle with that on my own personal blog, because of the patronizing remarks from my mother. I just hate when she brings up something I said on a blog on the phone. What’s written on a blog, should stay on the blog.

  9. Mo says:

    Just write as you want, that’s when you’re at your very best. That’s why I keep coming back for more.


  10. Sugar Jones says:

    I farking lovez you. I’ll totally be your huckleberry forever!!

  11. Al_Pal says:


    here via SugarJones.

  12. Blognut says:

    It’s YOUR blog. Write YOUR stuff, YOUR way. And if anyone gives you any shit, smack ’em in the head.

    That’s what I’d do.

  13. Crystal says:

    Amen Sister! :) Sorry, I didn’t have anything of lengthy substance to add. ;)

  14. Theresa says:


    Couldn’t live without my Deb.

  15. Don’t worry about what other people think or say about you and your blog. Remember this is YOUR blog and you can write whatever you wish here. Be yourself. I love reading your blog and don’t want you to change a thing.

  16. Judy says:

    I wouldn’t read your blog if you followed any of those suggestions above. :) You have a following because of the way you write – to change that process would make your blog less enjoyable. Here’s to oversharers!

  17. Mama Mary says:

    We speak the same language soul sister. This ties in nicely to my PROMPT from today. I share way too much on my blog! Way. And that’s why we get along. Keep on truckin in the same SDM style. Seriously. I heart it.

  18. I think having another blog is a great idea. If you follow any of those “rules” you won’t be you. And we like you. Stay the course.

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