The Day After the Day After



Toots’s cure for the flu. It’s important that the green cylinder be placed ONLY on the left foot, second piggy from the big toe. Also, the plastic eyeball MUST be affixed firmly to the left shin. Not the knee. The shin. Furthermore, be sure to use only pink and orange Bendaroos for the criss-cross. Needs to be positioned exactly one-and-a-half inch above the eyeball. The eggshell? Doesn’t have to be purple. That was for display purposes only. But must be filled with pixie dust and stay between the legs for at least five minutes.


Today I’m that rare combination of tired, over stimulated, restless, and greasy. The girls have been sick nearly all week and it was a roller coaster, especially with Toots. Yesterday, after a brief recovery period, she took a scary turn for the worse, and I silently panicked as I watched her wan face grow more pale, the eye circles darken, and her spirit weaken. I’d never seen her so quiet and worn out. And I’m even counting the days when she was a newborn.


I’ve no idea if she actually had swine flu, but she certainly showed the symptoms, capping the spectacular flu extravaganza with a voluminous display of vomit and diarrhea last night. My biologist friend told me that the virus worked its way out her body, starting with one end and exiting the other, and I liked that. It certainly seemed to be true. Even so, my fingers are crossed that it’s all over and done.


Booger hasn’t suffered the same intensity of symptoms, thank heavens. I couldn’t bear to see her three-year-old body buckle under the weight of such sickness. Toots’ state nearly undid me. To the point where the ever stable Rock begged me to stop saying “I’m so worried…,” while looking off into the middle distance and visualizing the great flu epidemic of 1918, because I was thrusting him into a panic state, and nobody wants a hysterical Rock.


At the same time, he and I succumbed to stress, him adopting a dictatorial tone (Can you get me that barf bag? NOW????!!!!) and me getting all hurt and pissy. I even told him that I don’t want him around in a crisis or be my partner in the Amazing Race because all he’d do is yell at me. So I’m sorry about that. Really. I’ve always been too sensitive.


…Which is probably why I’m on edge now. Yesterday, I ran out of shampoo because I haven’t left the house in three days to shop, so I washed my hair with Irish Spring, an act not nearly as refreshing as it sounds. Also, we’ve all eaten untold amounts of pizza and Jimmy Dean sausage, giving rise to unpleasant feelings of increased body oil production. Then there’s the Disney Princess movies. Playing in the background. Playing in the background. Playing in the background. I’m one bird tweet or mermaid splash away from dunking my head in the unwashed, poo-riddled laundry.


Still. Right now, the girls are camped out on top of the coffee table, playing War, and yelling Uncle. A sight quite unlike the last few days. So I’m just going to open the blinds and air things out.


After all, it’s a beautiful day out there.


10 Responses to “The Day After the Day After”

  1. She’s right – placement of the warding eye is crucial.

    Anyway, it’s obvious you’ve been on a rough road, but it sounds as though it’s downhill from here.

    A couple of weeks ago when my boy was sick, I ordered groceries from the delivery service – a first – and although it was great because I never had to get out of my flannel jammies, I was rather disappointed with the selection of items. These people do not have a grasp on the basic necessities of the house-bound.

  2. Crystal says:

    Awwwww…is it bad that I laughed when I read this? I’ve just had those weeks with my girls before, so I can relate. 3 cheers for the Rock for even BEING there…I think my hubby would have taken a vacation this week if it were our kids vomiting and diarrhea-ing.

  3. Crystal says:

    And good to know that Irish Spring substitutes as shampoo as that is the brand of soap that we use too. :)

  4. The airing out of the house is such a relief. Thank goodness you didn’t get it too–that is when you just think you can’t soldier on. The shin eyeball can only help so much!

  5. Karelle says:

    I’m glad your girls are feeling better. My boys took it in turns so we’ve been a sickie house for going on 3 weeks now, myself being the last to succumb. Though, I will thank all the flu gods on bended knee for the fact that the explosive portion of said flu have skipped me. It was worth spending my entire vacation with a raging fever if that was the price to pay for missing the upchucks & the hershey squirts.

  6. You know you could have called Kate to get recommendations for the best not-shampoo shampoo, right?

    It is the worst thing in the world to see your child ill. I hope you get some rest and your wee ones mend soon.

  7. Mama Mary says:

    Glad your girls are feeling better! I am in the midst of a cold/flu/bug thing and am just praying my girls don’t get it. It’s one thing to feel crummy but it’s quite another to watch our little ones get sick.
    Oh, and what a Bendaroos? They look cool!

  8. MissM says:

    I think my husband is about to leave me. Because of H1N1 also. Damn flu harassing marriages! Uh, and we don’t even HAVE The flu! Just the fear of the flu. And the flu vaccine. Damn I need to get a grip.

  9. g says:

    I think you should contact the Center for Disease Control ASAP with this flu therapy. Sounds like it did the trick!

    The green thing on the toe is the key.

    What clever girls! I’m glad to hear they’re feeling better. Now it’s your turn – do something good for yourself.

  10. Adorable picture. So glad your girls are recovering.

    I recently learned that my six-year-old sister has swine flu and that my fourteen-year-old brother might have it as well, but my sister seems to have weathered it well and we’re not certain that my brother’s contracted the virus.

Leave a Reply