Last Night, And I Can’t Write Anymore

Saturday night was a total fluke, because originally I was to join Jenn at FOUND, but The Rock cast his Father’s Day vote to listen to some music and spend some couples time (poetic license on that last part), and so off we went to a complete dive lounge in horse country where his cousin played the steel guitar, and I loved it like nothin’.


First of all: the music. Such a great country band that played Fender Stratocasters and other kinds of guitars I know nothing of, with road-weary singers and red-haired sirens fiddling violins. Right there, I’m in heaven. Then, the people. Oh, the clientele. What a sweet spot of characterization. I tell you, go to this bar and you will never lack for stories.


Such as the coiffed Latino in the tightest Wranglers you ever did see twirling his frizzy Cougar partner around the dance floor in intricate and choreographed sequences. He moved quite feminine, with flourishes and swoops and she, a matronly 50-something with fried long blonde hair and short shirt barely hiding a flabby stomach, looked like she’d hit the love jackpot. Smoldering looks and suggestive hip swirls and oh my! the Harlequin of it all.


Then: a 60-year-old mullet-headed firecracker in stocking feet and polyester dancing with a stiff-kneed 70-ish man, who was well-dressed and keenly-appointed, also without shoes. I wondered about them as they made their way outside for a smoke or to go to the bathroom. I thought they should have footwear. The silk-shirted man (we thought maybe he was diabetic? or had double knee replacement?) moved awkwardly, but obviously loved to dance, and so asked my friend for a twirl. She said “no,” and I almost stepped in, though he didn’t ask, and he instead danced with the monkey-grinning man sitting alone at the bar. The one who was “sad inside” according to The Rock.


And the hookers! Or so I thought. But, pretty sure they were. Or hopped up on Ecstasy. Accompanied by two limp-locked stringhairs, the two girls (one, a pretty Asian woman in tight black spandex and lustrous waves and the other, a hot-bodied rough face wearing half a shirt), shimmied and gyrated at the the pinball machine for 20 minutes before being escorted out by the greaseheads.


Then, the gangbangers. Two roughnecks sitting by the back door with tattoo’d scalps, hatchet faces and glower eyes. They disappeared early and I was glad. I thought they’d beat us up in the parking lot for liking country.


And you should have stayed until after 10! That’s when the rhinestones entered en masse and the swoop-layered gentlewomen and the drunk fake IDs. Also the server! I think she was the one who was “sad inside” because her jokes were loud, false and desperate. We left her a nice tip.


Next to the bar I spotted a 7-Eleven and Mexican food joint. Our Suburban ground the gravel as we drove away, and I wondered if the coiffed Latino really loved frizzy hair or if she were just a good dance partner.


9 Responses to “Last Night, And I Can’t Write Anymore”

  1. I can practically smell the second-hand smoke wafting from the door and hear the pinball banging on the flippers.

  2. Rob-bear says:

    Oh, my; what an “interesting” place!

  3. kate says:

    i totally want to go there.

  4. Crystal says:

    That sounds like just about every country-western bar in Phoenix…sans hookers – I don’t think I’ve ever seen hookers in a country bar out here. But maybe I just didn’t know. hehe ;)

  5. If only one could be at two places at once. Because . . . the music was great at Found. And . . . I want you to write the drunk truck driver who kept talking to me even though I was trying to listen to Davey on stage and the son that had to control the dad after the 20-something hipster in front of me told the truck driver to “Shut the F*** up!’

  6. Da Goddess says:

    I miss places like that. Perhaps I’ll find one in Alaska this weekend and we can compare notes.

    Believe it or not, I used to hang out in bars like that with similar people. I had the best time!

    And oddly, this reminds me much of Monday night when I went down to Humphrey’s to see my new “best friend” and his band play. I watched as couples of varying ages danced their way across the floor. I turned down a very pretty lady who wanted to dance. Instead of me, she ended up with a cute little old man who boogied better than I could have.

    Then, at the end of the evening, there were a couple of stolen kisses in a darkened doorway, just as there should be on nights like that. No, not me and the pretty lady. But that would be a good story, wouldn’t it?

    I think the Rock’s choice was a good one. Not sure why I had to step on your story with mine, but I’m pushy that way. I hope you still love me.

  7. there truly is nothing better than people watching. i have found that Irish pubs with live, Irish music are the best places to people watch ’round these parts. you get everything from the fake IDs to the 60-somethings who’ve had knee replacement and are in town visiting their grandkids.

    i love the “sad inside” observation. i enjoy picking perfect strangers apart whom i’ve only observed for minutes at a time. it somehow makes me feel better, “inside.”


  8. Suzanne says:

    sounds like you and hubs know how to find a good time!

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