I think I’ve said before that I consider myself perceptive. I like to think I have people’s number at first sight, and after I internally sum someone up I confidently tell The Rock what “I know” about the person. “Oh, they’re bluffing,” I often say about buffons, for instance. “All bark and no bite. Very insecure on the inside, but trying to overcompensate with faux confidence.” Or, “She just needs someone to talk to,” I say about the friend who never asks how I’m doing. “She cares about me, she’s just going through a hard time.”
I probably don’t need to tell you I’m often wrong. As I move along this life, I realize I don’t know jack about much. My judgments and summing ups are flights of fancy and more projections or excuses than anything else. I’ve gotta say there’s some comfort in that. It means that maybe I don’t know everything, that I don’t have people all figured out, so there’s room for the unexpected.
But sometimes I am very let down by the gap between who I thought a person was and who they turn out to be.
Or worse that they are exactly who they told me they were and I made up my own story anyway.
If you saw the best in someone and applied that goodness liberally, only to be disappointed later, that’s a good thing. A really good thing. I think. I think you do that, see the best in someone and go with it. I think you do that because you are full of love.
Who disappointed you? Who? I will gather a posse and kick their ass. Was it the crazy buffalo bill guy in the Starbucks? Probably not, but sometimes when you are an open, loving soul (like you are) you think the best, let people in, try not to be too judgmental, and they end up hurting, scaring or disappointing you…. just because dysfunction is easier to spot in some people than others. I guess.
I’m with Trish. I’m ready to kick some ass.
I’m also with Cheri. There’s nothing wrong with believing people are inherently good.
At the same time, might I offer you a hug?
I really like you, lady. I really, really do. That’s all :)
So true. I think the older we get the lonelier we can become. Especially true with the creative types.
Diane likes you, but I kinda love you right now. I’m forever being disappointed by that gap.
I love how you told us a story without telling us a story.
I hate when that happens. HATE. And I hate that it happened to you.
Oh, man. I’m sorry that you are on the bad end of this. Whoever it was just lost the best kind of friend.
Whomever it was, screw ’em. You don’t need ’em. Srsly.
At any rate, I think it’s probably better to err on the side of believing there is good in people. Otherwise, you go through life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or so I’ve heard.
{{{{Deb}}}}
I do that, too. I have a (bad) habit of always giving people the benefit of the doubt. Problem is, if I believe my own self, I am just being naive.
Princess Gail is ALL the opposite. She is a complete and utter realist. I am fascinated by that crazy part of her, because she makes me realize how rare a quality that really is. I think most of us do what you wrote about. That’s not so good, is it?
I’ve been trying to overcompensate with faux confidence all along and you’ve never known!!! Ha!
I heard we need to kick some ass. I am here to help. :-)
It’s that last one that’s the kicker. When you realize that their true nature has been in front of your eyes the whole time, and you’ve been willfully disregarding it.
Sigh.
I do the same thing…and when they turn out to be who they said they were all along? I could just kick my own ass for being so stupid…
You’re so insightful. I never thought about this but I think I do the exact same thing.
I do this too–and the irony is that I hate it when other people do it. Ha!