A Bad Apple

Macs are supposed to be wonderful, right? So can someone tell me why I’ve spent more on my 18-month-old MacBook Pro than if I’d bought four PCs? And can that same person tell me why my freaking track pad and keyboard are stuck and don’t work for nothin’ and why I’m contorted on my bed trying to write with a plugged-in mouse with its 5″ cord that must be making contact with my bedside table at all times or my laptop freezes? And while you’re at it, why was this Mighty Mouse made by Apple $50? Furthermore, are Macs really alien pods that use artificial intelligence to type and delete on their own, as you, the human user, sits there and scratches her head while strange symbols appear on your screen? Of their own accord. You don’t even have a mind of your own. So why does your Mac?


In addition, why are there 89 employees in the Apple store at your beck and call when you are considering spending money on something new, but those same people act like someone farted when you need help with an existing purchase?


Did Apple spend all its money on snazzy marketing and Justin Long’s salary and forget to send its employees to “Act Like You Give a Shit” training?


I thought Macs were designed for ease of use and durability? So why do I have one leg on the floor balancing my laptop on my knee and the other leg acting like a bridge to my nightstand, upon which my Mighty fucking Mouse is teetering, while I cobble this post together with ass sweat and a prayer?


22 Responses to “A Bad Apple”

  1. The Apple store employees, by and large, are only there to sell you stuff. Find a good Mac repair and troubleshooter. They’re worth their weight in gold.
    And always, always buy the extended warranty. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve called the Apple help line…never anything wrong with the computer, I’m just kind of technologically challenged, and they have always been patient with me.
    I’ve had Macs for almost 20 years, and only had to use my warranty once. On my 4th Mac. About 2 weeks ago, when I fried the hard drive. I now have a brand new one. Totally free.
    And I still think one Mac is worth at least 4 PCs!

  2. kate says:

    hello luv, i’d like to introduce you to my hp pavilion laptop lover, which died once and which hp repaired for free and also expidited it’s shipping back to me for free and also costs a quarter of a new mac. just saying. i will totally go laptop shopping with you. then we’ll go shoe shopping too. what time tomorrow?

  3. Steph says:

    Crap. Now I’m all unsure about whether or not I really want a Mac.

    Good luck with this. Srsly.

  4. JCK says:

    Sounds very frustrating…

  5. stoneskin says:

    Dude, linux is what you need. I’ve probably only spent a few hundred quid over the last 5 years on hardware. I can normally get a low-spec PC from work everytime they upgrade our systems, then I just install ubuntu or fedora, spent a few hours installing multimedia/flash/etc support and hey presto, it just works.

    OK, linux ain’t for everyone, but I find OSX makes me feel like I’m being dragged through a jungle gym backwards.

  6. My husband bought this giant Mac (that I’m looking at right now as I type) and I use it like a $600 PC. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. It’s real pretty though…

  7. Danielle says:

    Ass sweat is the worst. I’d be pissed if my PC caused that for me.

  8. Blognut says:

    I have a dell, and I fry one and replace it every couple of years, and I grieve for it like a lost soul everytime it happens. I’d grieve a whole lot more if I had paid up to the get Mac… just sayin’.

    Oh, by the way, do something about that ass sweat, will ya’? Cleanliness is next to Godliness or something like that.

  9. You are discovering the ultimate truth. There is absolutely no operating system that will not drive an otherwise perfectly sane person completely out of their minds. It’s just a computer thing. The hype that Mac is better than PC, or PC is better than Mac, or Linux is better than Mac, etc., etc., is just that…HYPE.

  10. “people act like someone farted when you need help with an existing purchase”


    I have an Apple Genius to help me, but my oldest daughter had to sleep with him first. Quite literally, in fact.

    Trish has an Apple God, and she didn’t have to give him Jamie. Trish is an Apple Goddess herself, so call her. She’ll know what to do.

  11. Karen says:

    My HP, how I love it.

    And the whole “ass sweat and a prayer”? I will be using that (and laughing in my head every time I say it). Hope you don’t mind.

  12. vodkamom says:

    Wait, let me hide my mac while you are ranting. I wouldn’t want you to hurt it or anything……

  13. Haha! VodkaMom made me laugh. My old iBook that I bought cheap on Craigslist is working great, please don’t spend your karma this way! :)

    Hopefully an appointment at the Genius Bar can help!

    Really, Macs are awesome! But then again I am brainwashed.

  14. Your cobbled together post made me laugh. I need to tell you that from my working PC. I only worked on a Mac once, long ago, and heard how much I’d love it for graphics and layout work. Yeah. Not so much.

    I wish you luck!

  15. Shelia says:

    So sorry! I’ve only used Macs and I’ve loved everyone, so I don’t know what’s happening. Just so sorry it’s happening!

    Love and hugs.

  16. Da Goddess says:

    Sounds like I need to hook you up with my friend Carolyn who currently works at the Apple Store and who actually gives a shit what customers need and want. She’s there to help. I have her phone number if you need it.

  17. Jennifer H says:

    I’m not a Mac owner, so I’m not good for anything but sympathy here. Good luck?

  18. Shana says:

    I’m a new Mac owner after having a meltdown of epic proportions at Best Buy which resulted in me being gently escorted out. Having never actually touched a Mac or Apple computer in my life, I bee-lined it over to the Apple store, bought a laptop and walked out screaming SUCK ON THAT, BILL GATES. I’ve never looked back. Sounds like you got a lemon, because mine? Is perfect. Though my 10 year old child did have to teach me what the freaking icons mean. A compass for the Internet? Really? I’m just supposed to INTUITIVELY KNOW that?

  19. Green Girl says:

    Feeling real good about being a PC gal today…

  20. Kizz says:

    Hope your computer woes are lessening.

    I’ve been working on PrompTuesdays all day long. I think I’m up to 11 and I’m not sure I’m done for the day yet. Thought I’d leave you a little linkage as a thank you:

    Thank you for these! They’re helping the hell out of me and my writing goals.

  21. hahahah… “ass sweat and a prayer”…

    i’ve never owned a mac, so i can’t commiserate. not that my fossil of a T41 is any better. just can’t relate. ;)

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