Overdue

Dearest The Rock:

 

I know you’ll read this, so I thought I’d put it here. As you know, I’ll be gone this evening, and if I don’t write these things down when the mood hits me, I may never get to it. And things need to be said.

 

But first of all: you’re not in trouble.

 

So you know how I’ve been the Son of Sam lately? (Like off and on over the past 10 years.) Last night, I snapped at you for asking me what plate you should put the burger on? And then I defended myself by mumbling that you weren’t putting it on the plate fast enough? Then at dinner, do you remember how I complained that my burger was too rare? And so you got up from the table and cooked it longer for me? And I sat there afterward sulking because it was too hot to eat?

 

Well about those things. I’m impossible. And I’m sorry. But what I do want you to know is that I’m really very thankful for you. That PROMPTuesday I wrote about “Deception?” That really happened, as you know. I remember that night so clearly and it was a dark and horrible time. For long afterward, I didn’t think I could trust anyone ever. Indeed, some other awful things happened after that night which endured for years, and I pretty much shut down until 1997.

 

But then. I met you and you said what you meant. And you didn’t lie. And if you wanted to see me, you told me. And if you didn’t, you told me that too. I don’t recall even one game you ever played with me, except for Trivial Pursuit, which unfortunately for you, I win every time, although that cannot be independently verified.

 

Also, you’re honest and real and dependable and raw and rough around the edges and I love you. I also think maybe you might be tearing up a little now and I love that too.

 

Finally, I want you to know that I smile at you a lot when you don’t know it. For instance, the other day, when you came home and I acted irritated because the kids were going to be the death of me? Well, I was in that moment heavy. Everything seemed oppressive and frustrating and bothersome. But then I saw you pick up a picture taken of you and the kids on Father’s Day and while you didn’t think I was looking, the biggest grin of pride, affection and deep abiding love swept over your face. You looked like a little kid. And I secretly smiled along with you.

 

Father's Day Feast

 

I’ll let you see that smile more often.

 

Love,

Your Bubbie

 

21 Responses to “Overdue”

  1. Cocktail Maven says:

    Nicely done. I enjoy you both so much and I love the two of you together (and your wonderfully jubilant children). If I can’t have BOTH of you for the evening, I’m thrilled that at least momma is coming out to play! I will see you in a couple hours. . .

  2. myra says:

    I’m sitting here a bit speechless, in awe of a couple things: 1) The Rock reads your blog. 2) You not only have the courage to admit your shortcomings, you’re willing to do it in front of the world. (You’re aware that your readership has seriously grown latetly, right?) 3) I am a total sap for a real-life love story. And this is it. Marriage is a choice. I know this. Loving each other, raising your kids, and choosing to be together – that’s what marriage is. Keep the Rock and hold on tight.

  3. **sigh** I need to talk to my “rock” about how much I appreciate him tonight. Beautiful.

  4. What a great letter. I think I need to follow suit with my “rock.” Thank you for sharing this.

  5. Awwww.

    This makes me laugh about how Toots was shocked that we knew what her Daddy looked like.

  6. Kristin says:

    Well said, for all of us. Mind if I just copy and paste? just kidding! :) You have a beautiful family, thank you for sharing it and yourself with us!

  7. Me? Totally frickin’ crying over here.

    I love you both. And I don’t even know The Rock. But I love you both.

  8. So, so sweet. I’m sure The Rock appreciates it and you.

  9. This was all kinds of awesome and lovely!

  10. Vered says:

    Men that don’t play games are the best.

    I am so glad you found him.

    Wiping tears from my eye.

    I had to stumble this post. It’s just beautiful.

  11. Karen says:

    Redundancy coming (repeating myself AND others)…

    I LOVE the way you capture things that I think/feel/do so accurately. I try but the words don’t flow out of me the way they seem to flow from you. And normally, I’d be jealous of your ability to do something I wish I could do, and do it so very well, but I’m not. I’m just thankful for the feeling that it’s NOT just me who does these things, and feels this way!

    I’m glad I took some extra time this morning to catch up on my blog-reading, and I’m glad I read this post. I have such a wonderful, misty feeling right now that I’m going to stop reading so no one unknowingly wipes out my misty with something sad or funny – so I can hold onto it for a little longer. Thanks for making a bit of my day really wonderful!

  12. Steph says:

    I think the Rock probably sees that smile more than you think. Also? Thank you for sharing this with us. :)

  13. thank you so much for sharing. :)
    you speak volumes to me with your experiences in your marriage…

  14. Mama Rose says:

    Your writing is always entertaining, inspiring and touches me, particularly this entry. I really need to do the same, but sadly my blog is not something I can share with my husband, it is a place I go to for solace and sanity, and if he knew half the things I thought, wrote about did dare I say it may be the end. Even still, I’ll be writing a letter of appreciation to my husband soon, because even though I bitch and moan about him at times, he’s the best thing that happened to me (aside from my son of course). thank you for that!

  15. pajama momma says:

    I can’t imagine how he wouldn’t tear up at this post. It’s beautiful.

    Man the rock looks like a all growed up version of one of my favoritist male friends in high school.

  16. Green Girl says:

    That is the sweetest piece–those little moments give the big meaning, don’t they?

  17. Jennifer H says:

    Add me to this tearing-up list. *sniff*

    Really good stuff, every word. And the life, too.

  18. Clink says:

    I’m in tears…your Rock inded.

  19. Christ, you made me cry. My hubby deserves this letter. I’ve been moody and impossible lately, and the rest of the 12 years we’ve been together. Maybe it’s going around.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Kelly

  20. simplypink says:

    Nice post. “Son of Sam”….I like that. Been there doing that.

  21. Suzie Gorski says:

    That was a great post and a great idea to put it on your blog knowing he would read it. :)

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