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PROMPTuesday #11: The Infomercial

June 30th, 2008

This week, please humor me by writing an infomercial for this product:

 

 

OK, go! (But first: Are you going to make this an infomercial for a super-duper jumbo turbo vibratron? Really? Me too!)

 

Well, before you proceed, here are the “rules” (YAWNNNN):

 

  • You must write your entry in 10 minutes. This encourages top-of-mind, primal thinking before the ego and judgmental brain kicks in. Just set a timer, make your kid count to 600 slowly, whatever. It’s an honor system. And I trust you.
  • For this one, keep to 350 words or less.
  • Please have fun. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Together, let’s rediscover the simple joy in the writing process.
  • Post your submission in the comments OR post in your blog and leave a link to your blog in the comments.

 

Meanwhile…

Here’s a PROMPTuesday primer.

And if you’d like to see some of the submissions from PROMPTuesdays #1-10, click here.

 

My submission:

The Rapturenator


Worried about The Rapture? Concerned you’ll be left behind when all God’s people are swept up to heaven in one existential minute? Well, fret no more! The Rapturenator 3000 is here! Specially designed to propel you directly to Heaven’s Gate, whether you belong there or not, this handy dandy machine delivers quick jet propulsion without the mess of most electrolysis-based hydrogen systems. Made of space-age plastic polymers and bits of twine, the Rapturenator’s engineered materials are specifically designed to thrust you up into the air, and not down into the fiery pits of hell. But be ready! Once you flip the Rapturenator’s sophisticated ignition switch to “on,” there is no going back! And due to the machine’s high-speed and lack of protective, pressure-resistant shell, your face will blow off at 45,000 feet above sea level (we’re working on that).
So call today! Get your heaven’s wings while supplies last.*

 

*not legal in most states, countries, or heavenly bodies.

 

On July 1st, 2008, Da Goddess said:

Two minutes later, I’m done. For ill or for good.

On July 1st, 2008, PROMPTuesday#11 | pamibe said:

[…] has been a PROMPTuesday infomercial joint. I’ve never participated in San Diego Momma’s brilliant meme before, […]

On July 1st, 2008, pam said:

I did it; my first! :D

On July 1st, 2008, Da Goddess said:

And Pam did it too!

On July 1st, 2008, Tanya said:

Okay, thank goodness I wrote mine before Da Goddess did because now I’m giggling hysterically and thinking there’s no way I could ever match that.

On July 1st, 2008, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Yeah, Baby! I’m on time this week.

Blog This Mom! posted her informercial RIGHT HERE!

Thanks for hosting, Deb. You are such a hoot!

On July 1st, 2008, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Da Goddess,

Tried to leave a comment on your blog, but it warned that blacklist doesn’t know me. ??? Anyway, your submission is great! No more bikini waxes, huh?

On July 1st, 2008, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Well, it was a nice face while it lasted. Love that Rapturenator!

On July 1st, 2008, Cocktail Maven said:

Eat whatever you want and don’t gain an ounce! Are you a sofa snacker? A potato chip couch potato? What if you could burn all the unwanted calories from your favorite foods BEFORE you eat them? We all know that exercise burns calories, but exactly how much exercise do you need to burn off that bear claw you’ve been eyeing? The Motivator Exerbike with built-in calorie calculator will figure it out FOR you! Simply open the accompanying food booklet and enter the code for the tasty snack you plan to eat. Next, place the food item on the tray scale in front of the handlebars. The Motivator Excerbike automatically weighs your portion and calculates calorie content. All you have to do now is pedal! Your prominently displayed food item keeps you motivated and reminds you of the taste treat to come. As the Motivator Exerbike tracks the calories you burn, choose from over 45 different musical accompaniments, including themes from such film classics as “Chariots of Fire”, “Rocky”, “Raiders of the Lost Ark” and “Breaking Away”. Once you have bicycled away as many calories as you are about to consume, the red light below your handlebars will flash indicate you’ve preemptively burned off that candy bar, cream-filled doughnut or bag of chips. The Motivator Excerbike: Your key to eating guilt-free!

On July 1st, 2008, Da Goddess said:

All the entries are so awesome! I’m giggling and having a wonderful afternoon because of this.

Cheri, if you leave a comment with a blogspot URL, it kicks it out. Or if you include ellipses, emoticons, or excessive “””””” in the comment, it kicks it out. I hate BlackList. I’ve occasionally been denied commenting on my own site, too, if you can believe that.

Someday, when I grow up, I’ll have a WordPress blog and not suffer comment hell.

Deb, sorry for posting a link to Pam when she’d already done so. I was the only one there for so long, I just jumped in where I didn’t belong.

On July 1st, 2008, Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

Da Goddess:

Yeah, my URL is Blogspot, as soooooo many are, and you are 2 COOL 2B 4GOTTEN in the comment department. (Remember that from middle-school yearbook signing?) What the heck IS blacklist?

Cocktail Maven:

Nice. With theme songs even. Very nice. Now pass me some potato chips somebody!

On July 1st, 2008, The Girl Next Door said:

OK I finally managed to do this on a TUESDAY. I love this one. You rock.

On July 2nd, 2008, VeryTas |- Photography, Writing and Collecting Playing Cards | TempleStark.com » UnPROMPTuesday - The Telepath said:

[…] Though it’s actually Wednesday now, I just saw PROMPTueday. Is is the first one I’ve done now that my Web site is functional again without the dys. Got the idea from <a href=”http://dagoddess.com”>Da Goddess</a>, when she started doing it. I think it’s the brainchild of San Diego Momma. […]

On July 2nd, 2008, Temple Stark said:

Hey, can a guy play, too?

It begins: Today we have something special, a look into the future. Literally.

The Telepath is a vehicle powered by thoughts. Your thoughts.

The rest @ http://templestark.com/tas/?p=45

For good or evil, brought here by Dagoddess … (hey, I can type and ellipse and not be rejected, whoda thunk it?)

On July 2nd, 2008, San Diego Momma said:

Thanks for playing, geniuses!

I hope fun was had by all. And the submissions made me laugh AND wish you all were inventors.

On July 2nd, 2008, Shelia said:

Yours is hysterical. I nearly cried from the laughter.

If you knew my history, you’d know why!

My grandma was always telling me that if Jesus returned while I was in a movie or playing cards, He just might leave me behind!

I gotta get me one of those, because, you know, I go to the movies a lot!

On July 2nd, 2008, thematically fickle said:

Oprah has endorsed it and personally owns seven. She heard about it from Gail King, gave one to Tom Cruise, Jennifer Aniston and Maria Shriver for Christmas, and convinced Dr. Phil’s wife that it could replace him in the bedroom. It will Change. Your. Life. Whoo HOOO-OOOO! It will give you inner peace, confidence, assertiveness, motivation, a sense of humor, a heightened global awareness and design aesthetic so savvy that Martha Stewart might hire you to redecorate her farm house. It will make your hair bouncier, your breasts perkier, your hips narrower and your thighs svelter. It will baby-sit your kids and blow your husband so you can lounge on the couch and watch the Oxygen Network. Get one today. But hurry, they’re flying off the shelf because, you know, Oprah endorsed it.

On July 2nd, 2008, Da Goddess said:

Rapturenator — girl, I want whatever it is you’re on these days! Too funny.

On July 2nd, 2008, Jamie said:

That’s just plain funny. Damn funny. Maybe even “awsesome.”

On July 3rd, 2008, Wade Nash said:

Deb’s Rapturenator 3000 bit is sheer genius. Also, Cocktail Maven, I WISH I had one of those! ********** ALSO: Thematically Fickle’s entry reminds me of one of my favorite songs –> “Step Right Up” by Tom Waits. Please give it a listen! *********** Great job everyone!!

On July 3rd, 2008, Wade Nash said:

****** LEGION-EASE *******
The dust of the trail got you down? The sun beating down on your sand-covered shoulders . . . the clanking of the mess kits against the backpack ahead of you . . . the sun beating down on your French Foreign Legion hat . . . the constant focus of the North African sun on your shoulders? Try LEGION-EASE – the space-aged way to both cool down and cleanse yourself on those hot Moroccan marches. Simply cinch the LEGION-EASE unit to the troop’s pack-frame in front of you – and push the button, and hold-on! LEGION-EASE’s advanced H2-NOW technology generates a spray of fresh mirage-spring water using the free-radical sweat particles suspended in the air surrounding your trampling line of legionnaires. Remember: LEGION-EASE For those Long Desert Crossings! You’ll never traipse the same again!

On July 8th, 2008, sandiegomomma.com » Blog Archive » PROMPTuesday #12: The Guest Hostess said:

[…] fact, where I riff on stuff like vibratons and Rapturenators, The Cocktail Maven comes up with an elegant prompt that is not about a massaging device OR a […]

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