Flowery Bullet Points

  • Sinus Infection: Manufactured enough snot to feed an entire colony of bone-eating snot flowers. I realize that for this sentence to work, it should be: snot-eating bone flowers. But I’m not a scientist. (Or a marine biologist?) If I were, I’d opt for a totally different naming convention for weird things, like “Weird Thing with Mucous Predilection” and “Weird Thing with Long Snout That Eats Ants.”
  • Stayed in Bed All Day Sunday: The Rock let me sleep in and I didn’t even care that it was because my lungs needed suctioning. I got breakfast in bed AND a book, which I didn’t read because it dragged and too much energy had to be expended for me to draw another one from the teetering column on my nightstand.
  • Attended Cool Party Saturday Night: To be chronological, I really should post this before Sunday’s overview above, but I’m cutting edge and non-conventional, as should be obvious from my eccentric blog name, “San Diego Momma.” Have you ever heard a name so quirky and original? As for the party, The Rock informed me the 2000-mile-wide-and-long courtyard of this residence probably cost the owners $200,000K in hardscape. I meanwhile, talked to a friend about premium denim and how much! is too much! to pay. After a lengthy debate, the men at the party decided the hardscape more likely cost $300,000 and the outdoor pizza oven alone must’ve been a pretty penny. Then, the deck! The deck. Wow. Nestled in a canyon, it felt like we were held aloft in a tree house, with a lovely view of San Diego’s Spruce St. suspension bridge. I sucked down Jack Daniels (with lemon) because the bartendress assured me it helps diminish snot. What she meant was it stores up in your nostrils for a mass expulsion the next day.
  • Friends in Town/Two Visits to Target: My friend from high school and her family are visiting through the weekend. This required a couple of last-minute frantic trips to Target, where trash cans and plants needed to be purchased for domicile harmony and good impressions. I also cooked a hearty welcome meal of slow-cooked carne asada and homemade guacomole. Until, twenty minutes to their arrival, when I discovered I never turned on my crock pot.
  • People I Don’t Want to Talk to Calling Me: There are several. Two software salesmen, someone else(s), and the Vons Pharmacy. One lady even called from another line, hoping I wouldn’t recognize her number and thus pick up. But I had a premonition. And I was right. I bet she’s jumping up and down right now, cursing my telepathy.
  • I Don’t Have All The Answers: My daughter stumped me this morning with her question, “When saber-toothed tigers eat deer, are they from Asia?” I know she applied some four-year-old logic to the formation of this query, but my infected snot invaded my brain and prevented me from fully exploring the origins of the question, or to consider the ramifications of my answer (yes) to her long-term intellectual development.
  • My Husband is A Good Person: In addition to the Mother’s Day sleep-in and breakfast in bed, he helped me clean the house, did laundry, washed the dishes after last night’s dinner and hired someone to do all the crap we never do (clean decks, windows, garages). I liked him quite a bit after this weekend. Also, he lays and designs awesome tile and stone patterns. See:




    And look at the view from the patio of the house where he worked:




    I’ve held many imaginary cocktail parties up here. Parties on a deck with two pizza ovens and a Jack Daniels-fueled mucous vaporizer.


  • If My Daughter Were a Real Teapot, I Would Not Drink From It:




    I often look at this and wonder: Will I fondly show this at Toot’s first book signing to remind us all of her free and creative soul or at her trial for mental competence? It could go either way.

  • My Dad Is A Marketing Genius: From an e-mail he sent us kids updating on a skateboard he’s repping: “We will discuss a younger more Skateboard Quality informed misfit to assist in marketing, attend shows, and meet the other misfits to not lose momentum in potentials due to the Old Fart Establishment image.”
  • And On A Serious Note: I recently read Absolutely Bananas’ primer of Blogging Safely, and her tip to “have a picture policy” for your blog hit me hardest. She writes, “Try to avoid posting anything that’s remotely suggestive. I’m a big believer in no naked pictures. Ever. No matter how cute.” And I thought back to a photo I posted recently of Toots clad only in a balloon and knee pads. I’d actually posted it once before, then removed it in a fit of caution, then re-posted because I’d convinced myself it was no big deal. Well, I decided to delete the photo once and for all after reading the above. And when I checked my Flickr views, I saw that the knee pad photo had been viewed 18 times. Aghast, I couldn’t hit delete fast enough. This is because my Flickr photo stream tends to get 0 views (and deservedly so), which got me wondering, “who the hell is viewing this picture?” And then I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

13 Responses to “Flowery Bullet Points”

  1. awesome awesome awesome.

    love that you’re back. kinda. love reading this post. love you.

    oh, and my husband does tile work too. i’ll have to take a picture of our bathroom – he did the tile for it. but, since he’s too much of a cheapass to spring for glass shower doors, there will be no laughing at the handicapped rail that he fashioned into a shower curtain holder. *cough*

    enjoy the time with your guests! and beautiful san diego. beautiful san diego…

  2. Steph says:

    LOL about Toot’s book signing or competency hearing. I do so love you.
    Ish to the knee pads thing. Some people are seriously foul. Seriously.

  3. Myra says:

    i was wondering to what we could attribute your absence. a few things:
    1. keep your hub. that tile along makes him worth a million bucks.
    2. i had no idea that jack daniels could cure a common cold. brilliant idea. at least you could knock yourself into a alcohol induced stupor. and that’s what you needed, right?
    3. i’m certain toots will have a book signing.
    4. from the dad is a marketing genius bullet – clearly the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

    feel better my friend!

  4. That is a little scary. I’m pretty sure my teens would get an attorney if I posted naked pics at this point!

  5. aaryn b. says:

    so…if that’s your deck then WHY are you having imaginary cocktail parties, exactly? because, i’d be havin’ ’em every other friday and twice on saturdays. i guess that’s to be expected from a girl who’s view is the drug dealing sdsu frat boys. harumph.

  6. San Diego Momma says:

    Oh Lord no, not my view.

    If it were, I’d have Boogie Nights parties every evening. Even on Sundays.

  7. Jamie says:

    Yikes. I’m going to have to comment bottom-to-top, because my memory is only giving me bits and pieces right now. Loved the bullet-format. Just what my spacey head needed tonight. Okay, so, and, um, yes, well, my comment is … frick if I know. But you’re making me re-evaluate the photos on my page of naked tooshies. And also, I love that your husband took a picture of the view from a job he was on. Just love that. Okay, brain malfunction continues…I’m out.

  8. We must be on some massive political call list. We get one or two about 5 nights a week.

  9. Angela says:

    I hope you are feeling better. We constantly struggle with the picture posting issue in our house. My 11 year old keeps a blog about charity work she does, and she is forever wanting to post photos up there. I try to be creative about the angles so her full face doesn’t show, but there are a few on there. I also worry about the naked photos some moms post online. We’ve learned too much about child p*rn*gr*phers lately and exactly what they do with some of those innocent pictures. It’s horrifying. You are wise to be careful.

  10. Clink says:

    I know what you mean about creepy veiws. I had some weird 40 something year old guy comment on Youtube “cute babe”…when I looked as his account he had 412 favorites..all babies.
    It gave me chills.

  11. Deborah says:

    Toots’s teapot photo is the most precious thing. And your take on it is priceless. Wouldn’t she have made a perfect hippy? I can picture her at Woodstock.

  12. Da Goddess says:

    Happy belated Mother’s Day. Now, take the Walmart generic 12-hour decongestant to rid yourself of the “oh, the Santa Anas are here” sinus fun fest to which we’ve all be subjected. (One of these days, I’m gonna track down Santa Ana and duke it out. I’m sick of this crap.)

    Photos of the kids — if you don’t put a name with them and you don’t post where you live, you should be okay. Of course, you have girls and I have a son (and sometimes my daughter), so it’s harder for you. But you should be okay. Then again, you have to go back and forth on it a million times like all moms do and eventually do what feels right for you.

    By the way, lucky you with a good husband!

  13. mommypie says:

    “If my daughter were a real teapot, I would not drink from it.”

    *snort* *cough, cough* *wheeeeeeze*

    (Mommypie frantically searching for inhaler, because SDM CRACKS HER UP.)

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